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Pratique du shadowing : How to Make Small Talk People Actually Enjoy

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  1. We've all had conversations that feel forced or boring or are filled with awkward silences.0:00
  2. It can be almost painful, like this next clip.0:04
  3. So in this video, we're going to go over five steps to make small talk with anyone.0:10
  4. We'll do so by breaking down some tricks that Joe Rogan uses on his podcast to connect with everyone from academics to athletes to celebrities.0:19
  5. Some will be mindsets, and some will be word for word questions you can steal.0:26
  6. These habits are a big reason why so many of Joe's conversations end like this.0:31
  7. Most people have their guard up when they first meet you.0:46
  8. They aren't sure if you're going to be competitive or try to put them down in some way.0:51
  9. So the first trick you can steal from Joe is to grease the wheels early with a compliment.0:54
  10. This isn't something you have to do to make a small talk go well, but it helps you start the conversation with a positive vibe.0:59
  11. There's a lot of potential compliments you could give someone.1:06
  12. That said, there's three easy types you can focus on for small talk, their work, their energy, or a platonic physical compliment.1:09
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  1. With those three options, you should be able to compliment almost anyone you meet.1:16
  2. Here's a quick example of each.1:21
  3. Thank you very much for being here.1:23
  4. I'm a really big fan, so this is an honor.1:24
  5. I love being around people like you.1:26
  6. My guy.1:28
  7. People around you, people like you, you're going for shit all the time, and it's infectious.1:29
  8. It's like you give off energy.1:35
  9. Nice to meet you.1:37
  10. Good to meet you too.1:39
  11. By the way, congrats on the mustache.1:39
  12. The mustache, lower piece combo.1:41
  13. That's the anarchist guy with that guy that who's the mask?1:43
  14. Guy Fox, that's right.1:47
  15. Yeah, yeah.1:48
  16. Perfect, right?1:48
  17. People make three common mistakes when giving compliments that you'll want to avoid.1:49
  18. The first is making the compliment too sexual.1:53
  19. Second is making a compliment you don't mean, which makes you seem manipulative.1:56
  20. The third is dwelling on the compliment.2:00
  21. A compliment is great, but especially with people of high status who hear compliments all the time, you'll want to transition off of it fairly quickly.2:02
  22. In general, transitioning off of an introduction and into an interesting conversation is one of the hardest parts of small talk.2:10
  23. The best way to do this is by transitioning between topics using reminds me of thinking.2:17
  24. For example, with Josh Barnett, Joe starts the conversation in his standard way by complimenting his beard.2:22
  25. How long you been drawing that?2:27
  26. That's a real one.2:29
  27. That's a man's beard.2:30
  28. After Josh responds, Joe does what most people would do and starts talking about his own hair.2:31
  29. But very quickly, he uses that to toss out a new potential topic.2:36
  30. Probably 35.2:39
  31. I started growing like series back hair.2:41
  32. I'm not like who's that Russian wrestler dude?2:43
  33. This is one.2:45
  34. Oh, well, there was this guy, Victor Zangiev, who who actually did professional wrestling and that guy was just coated in it.2:46
  35. Oh, yeah, right.2:54
  36. There's another guy, Salma Hashimikov.2:54
  37. Most people make the mistake of thinking very linearly during small talk.2:56
  38. So they'd simply comment on their own hair and then stare over at you hoping that you would take the conversation somewhere interesting.2:59
  39. Just by tossing out that his back hair reminds him of a Russian wrestler, Joe and Josh are able to spend the next four minutes talking about various wrestlers and3:06
  40. MMA fighters.3:14
  41. It's a simple habit to build and makes a huge difference in the quality of your small talk.3:15
  42. Here's another quick example with Rob Lowe.3:19
  43. Rob asked Joe a question about baseball, which Joe doesn't seem interested in talking about.3:21
  44. Most people here would just say something like, no, not really, and let the conversation stall.3:26
  45. Instead, Joe uses lateral thinking to transition to something else.3:30
  46. Are you a fan of the of the baseball with the crowd noise?3:34
  47. Um, crowd noise?3:37
  48. No, I'm not a fan of fake noise.3:38
  49. I hate that some cars do that.3:40
  50. They put fake engine noise through the speakers.3:43
  51. Oh, Jesus.3:46
  52. Exactly.3:47
  53. Because he didn't just answer the question, but instead asked himself what fake sound in a baseball stadium reminds him of, they were able to transition to cars.3:47
  54. A topic, it turns out, they both love.3:56
  55. So next time you're in conversation and can't think of anything to say, it's as simple as asking yourself, what does this remind me of?3:58
  56. And then branch off in whatever direction first comes to your mind.4:03
  57. In both those cases, you see another common habit of Joe's.4:07
  58. He pings for topics of mutual interest.4:09
  59. Joe is infamous for doing this by bringing up DMT in every conversation.4:13
  60. Good DMT, DMT, DMT, DMT, DMT, DMT, DMT, DMT.4:17
  61. When a guest doesn't know what it is, it just goes by the wayside.4:22
  62. But when they do, it's an immediate connection.4:25
  63. This will keep you genuinely interested in the conversation.4:27
  64. Joe is a master at doing this in the other direction as well.4:31
  65. He has two tricks to get other people excited about the conversation.4:33
  66. They're both super easy to do, but most people don't do them, which is why small talk feels so painful at times.4:37
  67. For example, here's a common small talk conversation.4:42
  68. Where are you from originally?4:45
  69. I'm from Wilmington, Delaware.4:47
  70. Wilmington, Delaware.4:48
  71. I don't know many people from Delaware.4:49
  72. Thank you.4:51
  73. Yeah.4:52
  74. It is Wilmington, like nice town.4:53
  75. Yeah, it's great.4:55
  76. Where are you from?4:56
  77. Is it nice there?4:57
  78. These are boring questions that no one is going to be excited to answer unless they already like you.4:58
  79. It's very similar, but watch what Joe asks instead.5:03
  80. Why Utah, man?5:06
  81. Why are you living in Utah?5:07
  82. What's that about?5:08
  83. Joe peels the onion.5:09
  84. He goes one level deeper by asking why questions that get someone talking about what they value.5:10
  85. This may seem hard to work into a conversation, but it's actually quite simple.5:15
  86. You just do it in two phases.5:18
  87. Where do you live?5:20
  88. That's cool.5:21
  89. Why do you live there?5:22
  90. What do you do for work?5:23
  91. Interesting.5:25
  92. Why did you decide to do that?5:25
  93. Even if the person doesn't love where they live, you'll get to hear what's important to them.5:28
  94. Maybe it's their job, their family, a passion, whatever it is.5:32
  95. Now you know what's important to them and can ask a question about that, which they're much more likely to want to talk about.5:35
  96. This ties directly into the second trick Joe uses.5:40
  97. He asks questions that are fun to answer.5:43
  98. For example, an issue you might run into with small talk is that some people don't have anything interesting going on in their lives to share about.5:46
  99. One way to get them past that block is to ask a fun question that removes the constraint of having to be realistic.5:52
  100. Here's a few examples.5:58
  101. If you had a magic wand and someone said you could do whatever you want to fix this, what would you do?5:59
  102. You were the king of the world.6:06
  103. I said, Ed, what are we going to do?6:07
  104. Let's say you become president.6:09
  105. Pulling both tricks together, a great decision tree of questions to get an interesting conversation going can be, what do you do?6:10
  106. Then as a follow up, do you like it?6:17
  107. If they say yes, you can ask why and elicit their values.6:19
  108. If they say no, you can ask, well, if you had $100 million, what would you do instead?6:22
  109. Joe also has two habits for creating a connection with people while listening.6:27
  110. The first is he laughs easily.6:31
  111. This makes it more fun to talk to him because it makes you feel good for being funny even when you aren't trying to be.6:33
  112. For instance, watch him react when Elon Musk's talks about selling flamethrowers through the boring company.6:39
  113. How many did you make?6:44
  114. 20 ,000.6:45
  115. And they're all gone.6:47
  116. Here's another example where Joe laughs at what Dan Bolzarian is saying even though Dan isn't trying to make a joke.6:50
  117. He's able to find humor in the absurd, and in both cases, you see the other person light up a bit as they get a laugh from Joe.7:05
  118. For another example, watch David Blaine's big smile after he accidentally makes Joe laugh.7:11
  119. The goal here is not to fake laugh.7:25
  120. What you want to do is allow yourself to laugh every time you find something funny.7:27
  121. Laughing is a habit that gets easier the more you do it.7:31
  122. So if you struggle to laugh when you're out with friends or in conversation with strangers, a good habit is to watch something you know will make you laugh right7:33
  123. before going out.7:41
  124. This will help you be in a better state to laugh in conversation.7:42
  125. The second habit Joe has when listening is mirroring.7:46
  126. There's several ways to mirror, but Joe's is most similar to ex -FBI negotiator Chris Voss's method.7:49
  127. Here's a quick example where he mirrors to make you feel heard.8:10
  128. Here's a different example.8:22
  129. This time, he mirrors to build rapport with Jordan Peterson before taking control of the conversation.8:24
  130. Don't do this after every sentence, but if you find you want to make someone feel heard or you want to interrupt without making the person feel ignored, mirror their8:37
  131. last three words.8:44
  132. Also, it's worth noting while Joe does mirror people's words, he is not a chameleon.8:45
  133. He stays true to himself and his style.8:50
  134. For instance, Jordan Peterson is a polite guy who wears a suit and carefully chooses his words, but you just saw Joe chatting with him in a hoodie dropping F8:52
  135. -bombs in the first minute.9:00
  136. So you want to mirror someone's last few words as a quick hack to build a bit of rapport, but you don't want to copy everything about someone.9:01
  137. Stay true to yourself and have confidence in who you are.9:08
  138. If that's something you'd like more help with, I think the fastest way to build true social confidence in yourself in a meaningful way is with our program Charisma University.9:10
  139. It's a step -by -step guided program guaranteed to give you more charisma and confidence in 30 days.9:19
  140. Now you can read all about the details in the link below, but I figure the strongest way to let you know what it's all about is just to let9:24
  141. the members speak for themselves.9:30
  142. So here are just a few of the things that CU members have written in.9:32
  143. The first is from a guy who was interviewing for new jobs.9:35
  144. He says, I interviewed at dozens of places for jobs after medical school.9:37
  145. At the end of one of my interview days, the doctor pulled me aside and said that hands down I had the best interview out of everybody and that they9:41
  146. would love to have me at their program.9:48
  147. They ranked me number one and it's my current job.9:50
  148. Another person wrote in about their social life saying, it has truly been incredible.9:52
  149. I've instantly had results that seem insane.9:56
  150. So many more meaningful connections, my friendships have improved and my interactions with total strangers are a new exciting fulfilling thing.9:59
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  152. This should be in our basic education system.10:07
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  154. Your course has been life changing to the point where I wake up in the mornings feeling like I've transferred to a new person's body.10:12
  155. The person I kept dreaming about becoming before I found charisma on command.10:18
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  157. I found myself and I found what makes me happy.10:22
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  162. So if you want to check the course out, go ahead and click the link on screen now or below in the description.10:43
  163. We've had thousands of members go through this course and get a ton out of it and I'd love for you to do the same.10:48
  164. Either way, I hope you enjoyed this video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.10:53

Mesuré dans ce clip

Débit
239 mots par minute — plus rapide que 90% du catalogue
Niveau CECRL
B2
Mots à connaître
constraint, elicit, wayside, transitioning, wilmington, complimenting
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