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Pratique du shadowing : How To Be Confident In Any Social Situation

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  1. Like it or not, we have all been awkward at different points in our lives, and sometimes that awkwardness gets in the way of connecting with other people or even0:00
  2. just feeling confident in ourselves.0:06
  3. But awkwardness doesn't have to be the end of the line.0:08
  4. In fact, if you handle yourself well, you can turn awkwardness, whether it's just a moment or a way of being, into confidence, which is what we are covering in0:10
  5. this video featuring Tom Holland.0:18
  6. Now, I'm not saying that Tom Holland is an awkward guy, always.0:20
  7. I'm saying that he is very skilled at turning those more difficult moments around.0:23
  8. So first off, you can improve both your self -confidence and other people's perception of you in nearly every situation simply by adjusting your body language.0:26
  9. For instance, Tom is able to convey a sense of comfort and ease while he speaks by following the three -second rule of eye contact and shifting his gaze to0:36
  10. various people.0:44
  11. And you have to go through an exam process to get into this school, which obviously I didn't do.0:45
  12. And she's like, hey, man, what's your deal?0:51
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  1. How are you here?0:53
  2. I was like, well, let me tell you my secret.0:54
  3. I'm actually, I'm actually Spider -Man.0:56
  4. The three -second rule of eye contact says that instead of looking down or away or awkwardly staring at someone for way too long, give everyone in a group at0:58
  5. least three seconds of eye contact before moving to the next individual.1:06
  6. Now, of course, this number isn't exact every single time, but it's the amount of time that generally makes someone feel included in a conversation.1:10
  7. If you're listening to someone speak, more continuous eye contact is totally appropriate since there's one person speaking.1:18
  8. But the three -second rule is an easy way to capture an audience, even if you're a bit nervous while speaking.1:24
  9. You'll also notice that Tom tends to show his palms and gesticulate frequently while he speaks.1:29
  10. Go through an exam process to get into this school, which obviously I didn't do.1:34
  11. It was like a couple hundred thousand.1:39
  12. Oh, that's a lot.1:40
  13. Yeah.1:42
  14. I was like, this is amazing.1:42
  15. Not only do his gestures make his comments more intriguing to listen to, but in revealing his palms specifically, he avoids a trap that awkward and nervous people fall into1:43
  16. all the time.1:51
  17. When you hide your palms, it sends a subconscious signal to the other person that you may be keeping something from them, and that can result in making you come1:52
  18. across as less trustworthy.1:59
  19. So get your hands out of your pockets, especially when things get uncomfortable, and don't grip the podium if you're giving a speech or a chair if you are seated.2:01
  20. Reveal your palms and you will immediately come across more confidently and more trustworthy.2:09
  21. The overarching rule that you can see in all of Tom's body language that is excellent for any time you're put into a difficult or awkward situation, be that karaoke,2:14
  22. dancing, or even just giving a speech, is commitment.2:22
  23. Check out Tom's rendition of Rihanna's Umbrella.2:25
  24. Psygmplik Rihanna and dancing provocatively would make most men freeze and become extremely rigid.2:38
  25. It's that fear of being judged or criticized that causes them to subconsciously limit their range of motion and even facial expressions so as to draw less attention to themselves.2:44
  26. Unfortunately, it's exactly that limited expression that signals discomfort and creates an awkward experience for everyone present, and especially the people watching you.2:53
  27. But by committing fully from his dance moves to his facial expressions, a scenario that could go terribly becomes one where Tom's confidence shines through.3:03
  28. And you see the same principle at play with Jack Black.3:11
  29. So if you do something goofy, whether it's on purpose or by accident, your best bet is to go all the way.3:27
  30. Paradoxically, by embracing awkward situations fully, you show more confidence than every other person on the sidelines.3:35
  31. Which brings us to the times when awkwardness is forced on you.3:41
  32. For instance, when friends are teasing you.3:44
  33. Now in the past we've covered how to handle more malicious attempts to make you look bad so you can check out our Russell Brand or Robert Downey Jr.3:46
  34. videos to see what to do in those cases.3:52
  35. But it is very likely that especially if you're a guy, your friends are going to tease you, and it's not necessarily out of malice.3:54
  36. If you handle these situations poorly, you can become the forever butt of the joke.4:00
  37. Handle them well and you can exude confidence and become a leader in your group.4:05
  38. So in those situations where the teasing isn't in bad faith, a great first step is to just take up more space.4:08
  39. You're being warm in your expansive gestures, even touching your friends, but you're also showing that you're not afraid to take control on a physical level.4:24
  40. There's absolutely no sort of implied threat or violence here, but these gestures still subconsciously signal to the group that you're not someone that they should pile onto.4:31
  41. Second, rather than resisting the joke or even shooting back a zinger of your own, a very powerful technique is to simply laugh with the group.4:40
  42. Your friends get their aim, which was laughter, and you get to show that you can separate who you are from the aspect of you that is being teased.4:58
  43. Whether it's your haircut, your clothes, something you did in the past, you realize that those things don't define who you are, so it's easier to look at them with5:05
  44. an element of humor.5:12
  45. This is a critical mindset, which we'll touch on more later, but just know for now that this is actually what separates the people who constantly get teased from the5:14
  46. ones that the group just kind of gives up on.5:21
  47. If they laugh with it, it goes away in most cases.5:23
  48. But for now, to make laughing at yourself even more powerful, you're going to want to double down on the joke.5:26
  49. This might initially feel like it makes you more of a laughing stock, but if you try it, you will realize that it actually puts you back in control of5:32
  50. the conversation.5:39
  51. Just watch.5:41
  52. What's amazing here is that you are transforming a moment where people might have laughed at you, making you feel uncomfortable into one where you're showing your good humor and5:55
  53. confidence.6:02
  54. You amplify a joke and spread the laughter.6:03
  55. And if you've just cracked the best joke, people will be listening and reacting to you, so you can then take the conversation wherever you like.6:06
  56. Again, this is specifically for friends and people who have your back.6:14
  57. If you feel like the teasing has crossed a line, check out one of our other videos to learn how to deal with someone who has crossed into bully territory.6:17
  58. And this brings us to our third major point.6:23
  59. If you're an awkward person, chances are that the people around you have some pretty embarrassing stories of yours in their brains.6:26
  60. So rather than let those be narratives told about you, which may draw laughter at you, it's incredibly useful to know how to tell a gripping story, so friends ask6:32
  61. you to tell your own embarrassing stories.6:41
  62. When this happens, it shows a supreme level of confidence since you're the one comfortably and comically relating what most people would be embarrassed about.6:44
  63. For instance.6:52
  64. I have to wear a thong underneath, and other than that, that's it.6:52
  65. The first time they ever gave me the thong, they were like, here, put this on.6:56
  66. I was like, no.7:00
  67. Why would I wear a thong?7:01
  68. And they were like, yeah, you have to, because it makes the suit look better.7:02
  69. And I'll never be the same.7:05
  70. I'll never be the same again.7:07
  71. Now telling good stories is a huge topic, but there's a couple of things that Tom demonstrates that will take your stories to the next level so that you become7:08
  72. the one in charge of your own narrative.7:15
  73. First off, it's likely the case that your body language won't always be ideal, and that is totally fine.7:17
  74. But as you begin a story, activate the confident body language tips that we mentioned in the first point, especially if the story involves self -deprecation.7:23
  75. This has the obvious effect of commanding the attention of the audience, but it also is how you signal underlying confidence while telling stories where you literally may be insecure7:31
  76. or bumbling.7:39
  77. Watch how Tom does it here.7:41
  78. She's useless.7:42
  79. I was trying to find her pulse.7:43
  80. I don't know how to do that.7:45
  81. I was like, she has no pulse.7:46
  82. Oh, no, she does.7:47
  83. She does.7:48
  84. I just don't know how to do that.7:48
  85. I was checking it.7:49
  86. Second, up the emotional impact by choosing high -impact words.7:50
  87. It is no secret that good stories can feel like exaggerated versions of the truth.7:53
  88. People need a reason to listen to a longer story, and incorporating words that have emotion packed into them by their very nature is a simple way to get people7:58
  89. paying attention so that you're not left talking to an audience who isn't engaged with what you're saying.8:06
  90. My family and I went to Hawaii in January.8:10
  91. Very nice.8:13
  92. That's an amazing trip.8:14
  93. I wasn't living at home.8:15
  94. I rented a house near the studio with my friends, which I think was the best summer of my life because football was coming home.8:16
  95. I woke up and I panicked.8:23
  96. I was like, oh my God, I'm so sorry.8:24
  97. I didn't mean to ghost you.8:26
  98. And he didn't.8:27
  99. He obviously didn't reply for ages because of the time difference in LA.8:28
  100. So that was maybe the most stressful day of my life, where I thought my relationship with Downey was over.8:32
  101. You'll also get your audience more engaged if you embody the characters in your story.8:37
  102. This means body language acting out the events of the story as well as matching their voice type and even their accent.8:41
  103. But the funny thing is, is the director got too excited at times.8:48
  104. He was like, Tom, can you climb up that wall and then do a double back flip off here on a there?8:51
  105. I'm like, no.8:56
  106. Yeah.8:56
  107. Obviously, you're unlikely to have a dialect coach like Tom and you're probably not as good as accents.8:57
  108. It's okay since even the attempt goes a long way towards creating humor in the middle of your stories.9:02
  109. But perhaps most importantly to these awkward stories and to everything else that we have covered when it comes to awkwardness is the mindset that you go into it with.9:07
  110. If you have the right mindset, you don't need to have the exact technique in every situation since it makes those charismatic habits flow naturally.9:16
  111. And it's this.9:23
  112. 99 % of the awkward situations you will encounter in your life are made worse because you're fighting to be perceived in a certain way.9:24
  113. If you would just let go of managing people's opinions, most of the awkwardness would disappear.9:33
  114. So if you're ever feeling awkward, just ask yourself.9:38
  115. What perception am I fighting right now?9:40
  116. And then relax in knowing that it's only a perception of you because your deepest confidence is not based in controlling the perceptions of others but embracing the truth of9:44
  117. who you are.9:53
  118. And just so you know, you're not perfect.9:55
  119. There's always going to be things about you for others to criticize or tease or for you to feel embarrassed about.9:57
  120. It's in recognizing those less than perfect facts and liking yourself anyway, the true confidence is generated.10:03
  121. So if you can tune into that truth that like everyone else, you sometimes do dumb, embarrassing, or silly, or regrettable things, you're going to handle stressful situations, social blunders,10:10
  122. and criticism without having to feel awkward.10:19
  123. So embrace the truth, kinda like Tom.10:22
  124. If you want to level up your charisma fast, I would definitely recommend checking out our course, Charisma University.10:37
  125. The course gives you both the actions and the mindsets that lead to massive leaps in your charisma.10:43
  126. So the people around you, from your work to your social life, are going to find themselves drawn to your presence and your confidence.10:48
  127. Now the course is set up so that you spend 20 minutes a day on it for 30 days.10:53
  128. You're doing one small thing every single day that builds easy, but sometimes counterintuitive charismatic habits.10:57
  129. And that's all while ingraining those mindsets that make those good habits just happen naturally in the future.11:04
  130. So if you want to join or you've learned more about that course, you can click on the screen here or in the description below.11:09
  131. This course is truly the most actionable and fastest resource that I have ever made for maxing out your charisma.11:15
  132. So if that's something that you're interested in, I hope to see you on the inside.11:21
  133. Either way, I hope that you enjoyed this video and I will see you in the next one.11:25

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