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Pratique du shadowing : 5 Common Habits Killing Your Charisma

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  1. A few recent Brie Larson interviews have caught the attention of Marvel fans.0:00
  2. People have asked if the cast doesn't get along with Brie and even as an audience member, it's tough to sit through some of these interviews without cringing.0:07
  3. So today, I want to talk about what you can learn from these situations and how to prevent yourself from doing specific behavior patterns that can make people dislike you0:15
  4. without you intending or even realizing it.0:23
  5. And I want to make this clear, there are interviews that I can show you where Brie is extremely likable.0:25
  6. You're going to see a few clips of them in this video.0:31
  7. I'm addressing these two more recent interviews because they're topical and because they provide great insight into charisma mistakes that I see many people make.0:33
  8. The first issue that you want to avoid is reading negative intent in an ambiguous situation.0:41
  9. Brie's Wired interview has this repeatedly.0:45
  10. Go to college.0:48
  11. No!0:50
  12. Would Brie Larson work out?0:52
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  1. Like, hypothetically would I at some point?0:55
  2. Is that like a personal attack or something?0:58
  3. Is that a request?1:00
  4. Do you think I should?1:01
  5. Yeah, I work out a lot.1:02
  6. Thanks for asking.1:04
  7. We'll come back to this idea of interpreting negative intent because it is possible that she wasn't doing that at all and was actually aiming for sarcasm in these situations.1:05
  8. The problem is that sarcasm requires a tell.1:14
  9. You must go over the top, either in your word choice, body language or tone, or people will not recognize sarcasm where you might have intended it.1:17
  10. Without that, Brie's defensiveness appears sincere.1:26
  11. Left -handed?1:29
  12. Why do you need to know?1:31
  13. Can Captain Marvel beat Superman?1:32
  14. I can't believe you even have to google that, duh.1:35
  15. I mean, why?1:38
  16. To be clear, you can add sarcasm to this type of a joke.1:41
  17. For instance, Aubrey Plaza gives similar responses in her Wired interview, but people responded much better.1:45
  18. And this case, by narrowing her eyes and changing her tone slightly.1:53
  19. Since it is so subtle, this level of sarcasm will be missed by many people.2:04
  20. And I know that British people are going to hate this recommendation, but at least in America, a good rule of thumb is that when you are being tongue in2:08
  21. cheek, do not be flat in your delivery.2:15
  22. Especially if a literal interpretation of what you're saying would make you sound like a jerk.2:18
  23. Go over the top and changing your tone, your gestures, or your facial expressions.2:23
  24. This helps people distinguish between normal conversation and a character that you are playing for the purpose of a joke.2:27
  25. This next clip is a great example of Brie playing like she's upset while making it clear that that isn't truly how she feels.2:33
  26. She's not really offended.2:40
  27. Now watch for the change in her voice tone and her over the top gesticulating.2:42
  28. Back to the first point.3:00
  29. It is possible that Brie might be sincere in her frustration with these questions.3:02
  30. Obviously we can't read minds, but there is no absurdity, no smile to release the tension, just flat statements, as if she is interpreting what she was being asked as3:06
  31. an attack.3:15
  32. Is that like a personal attack or something?3:16
  33. Regardless of what was happening in Brie's head, in your own life you would benefit tremendously from reading positive intent into ambiguous situations like these.3:18
  34. In fact, even when people are undeniably being rude to you, reading positive intent can be an excellent way to gain control of the situation.3:27
  35. It's part of what made Russell Brand so admirable in his MSNBC interview from several years ago.3:36
  36. That entire interaction deserves a breakdown on its own, but just watch here where the host takes aim at Russell's accent.3:42
  37. He could get flustered in response, but instead he assumes positive intent and cracks back a friendly joke.3:49
  38. Jokes like these that interpret positive intent can go a long way to winning the person over who is being rude to you, though it didn't actually work in this4:16
  39. particular situation.4:22
  40. And if you'd like a breakdown of this entire interaction, just let us know in the comments.4:24
  41. Just so you guys know, due to your overwhelming response, we are working now on a video that covers attachment theory.4:27
  42. But moving along with this video to the third point, you should not jump on every opportunity to call praise or attention to yourself.4:32
  43. Now in this next clip, Chris Hemsworth is talking up his stunt double, and he's putting himself down to do it.4:41
  44. This is a nice common move for somebody who is kind of on top, and in this case, Hemsworth is clearly athletic and powerful and famous, so it's kind of4:46
  45. him to take that trainer and put him above him, even if it means denigrating himself to do it.4:54
  46. If you're in a situation like this sitting next to someone who has just done this, it's a great opportunity to further spread the praise.5:07
  47. In this case, you might want to spread it to other stunt doubles, to the visual effects team from making the impossible appear real or just your castmates in general.5:14
  48. It is perhaps the worst opportunity to insist on your own specialness, because it contrasts so starkly with Chris's humility, and it also puts him on the defensive since he5:21
  49. was putting himself down and now we're taking that seriously.5:32
  50. Unfortunately, that is the route that Brie went.5:35
  51. Again, this is another situation where voice tone matters massively.5:43
  52. If Brie had said something like, wait a second, you guys got stunt doubles?5:48
  53. I thought we were supposed to do all that stuff by ourselves.5:52
  54. People probably would have just laughed at that, but without anything over the top, without playing a character, she appears sincere in her attempt to call positive attention to herself,5:55
  55. and it doesn't play well.6:04
  56. A now defensive Chris pokes her back, doubting that she does her own stunts, and he mentions Tom Cruise as a contrast.6:06
  57. I did my stunts because I thought that that's what everyone did.6:12
  58. And again, rather than taking this opportunity to praise Tom Cruise's legendary status in the industry as one of the A -listers who truly does his own stunts and put6:16
  59. his self on the line, Brie insists on distinguishing herself further.6:26
  60. If you're in a situation like this, the charismatic move, the confident move is to spread the praise.6:36
  61. Don't worry so much if you're getting yours.6:44
  62. When you give it freely, it comes back to you freely.6:46
  63. Watch Chris Pratt illustrate this point perfectly.6:50
  64. The Avengers cast are asked who the most charming Chris is.6:52
  65. Look at how he handles it.6:55
  66. It is exactly his own willingness to raise somebody else up that is what makes other people vote for him in droves.7:04
  67. This all takes us to the fourth point of the video, which is you should not try to win each moment of banter.7:13
  68. This makes it harder to feel comfortable joking with you because things always become competitive.7:21
  69. Take as an example when Brie says that she is the strongest character in the movie, which though dry could be considered a playful jab at her co -stars.7:25
  70. Chris predictably jabs back, and the high -pitched voice is an indication that he's being playful as are the extreme head movements, and eventually he gets a laugh from the7:33
  71. people around him.7:42
  72. Now with that laugh, Chris has quote unquote won this round of banter, but in order to let Brie say face, he adds that her character is really smart.8:05
  73. Brie shakes her head no, fidgets with her earring, and then when Chris says that we should have a fight, she doesn't interpret it positively or playfully.8:18
  74. She seems to feel as if she is being laughed at.8:25
  75. So rather than saying, oh my god, we should totally have a fight in the next Avengers or making some other joke, she says that she feels like she's been8:27
  76. fighting with him all day, and you get the sense that she's being honest.8:34
  77. I suspect that is a real representation of her feelings.8:43
  78. She probably does feel like these exchanges are fights, and that can be exhausting.8:46
  79. If you have ever felt like this, here is a way out.8:51
  80. Sometimes it is better to stop fighting.8:53
  81. Don't try to win every laugh from the audience.8:57
  82. Instead, go with the joke, even if it feels like you are the butt of that joke, and then amplify it.8:59
  83. By not taking this kind of insulting joke seriously, you diffuse its power, and you turn the crowd from laughing at you to laughing with you.9:06
  84. Here is Brie doing it in another interview with Craig Ferguson when he teases her name.9:14
  85. That's a lovely name, Brie.9:19
  86. Is that really a name?9:20
  87. Are you named after a cheese?9:21
  88. Yes, I am.9:22
  89. I'm named after a cheese.9:24
  90. I get confused all the time.9:25
  91. I walk into rooms and people are like, ah, I thought it was going to be a human, but it was going to be a cheese.9:26
  92. No.9:32
  93. And here's another example of Chris Pratt taking one on the chin in Good Spirit.9:33
  94. Is Chris Pratt the worst, Chris?9:37
  95. It should just be this.9:41
  96. Is Chris Pratt the worst?9:43
  97. Kind of.9:45
  98. Kind of the worst.9:46
  99. This is all much easier if you interpret positive intent per the first point.9:48
  100. So now, the last thing that I want to touch on is how to handle a compliment.9:52
  101. You should avoid responding to compliments with banter that are put down in nature, even if you're joking like this.9:57
  102. You're starting to get a heart attack.10:02
  103. Oh, Chris.10:04
  104. That's really nice.10:05
  105. I'm still stronger than you, though.10:07
  106. You're not, though.10:08
  107. Instead, you can give a sincere thank you, emphasize perhaps with sustained eye contact or a touch.10:10
  108. You're toying with me.10:15
  109. I like your bejeweled epaulettes, by the way.10:16
  110. That's very nice.10:19
  111. It's like you're a sort of commander of fabulous.10:20
  112. Alternatively, you can spin it back around to the other person and playfully find a way to give them back an even bigger compliment.10:23
  113. No, well, I think you should take a lot of it.10:29
  114. Thank you, FIFA.10:32
  115. Yeah, and I have just spoken to Jonah and he said you should, too.10:33
  116. So, Jonah, say yes.10:35
  117. There you go.10:37
  118. They love you.10:38
  119. I'll give Jonah credit, then.10:39
  120. It's only an honourable, isn't it?10:40
  121. True.10:42
  122. Jonah can have credit.10:42
  123. Okay.10:43
  124. Either way, whatever you do, do not punish people when they give you compliments.10:44
  125. Otherwise, they will not be so forthcoming.10:48
  126. When in doubt, a sincere thank you and a smile or just a return to compliment will take you much farther.10:51
  127. So, I hope that you guys enjoyed this video.10:56
  128. If you are a fan of the channel, you may want to check out our course, Charisma University.10:59
  129. In my opinion, it is hands down the best thing that I have ever created when it comes to developing your own charisma.11:03
  130. It covers everything from making a great first impression to magnetic body language, deep confidence, and of course, doing it all consistently, which as you saw in this video, doesn't11:09
  131. always come naturally to many of us.11:17
  132. So, if you want to learn more, go ahead, click the button on screen now or the link in the description.11:19
  133. Either way, I hope that you enjoyed the video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.11:25

Mesuré dans ce clip

Débit
220 mots par minute — plus rapide que 77% du catalogue
Niveau CECRL
B2
Mots à connaître
contrasts, alternatively, pokes, teases, undeniably, droves
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