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Shadowing practice: 5 Common Habits Killing Your Charisma

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  1. A few recent Brie Larson interviews have caught the attention of Marvel fans.0:00
  2. People have asked if the cast doesn't get along with Brie and even as an audience member, it's tough to sit through some of these interviews without cringing.0:07
  3. So today, I want to talk about what you can learn from these situations and how to prevent yourself from doing specific behavior patterns that can make people dislike you0:15
  4. without you intending or even realizing it.0:23
  5. And I want to make this clear, there are interviews that I can show you where Brie is extremely likable.0:25
  6. You're going to see a few clips of them in this video.0:31
  7. I'm addressing these two more recent interviews because they're topical and because they provide great insight into charisma mistakes that I see many people make.0:33
  8. The first issue that you want to avoid is reading negative intent in an ambiguous situation.0:41
  9. Brie's Wired interview has this repeatedly.0:45
  10. Go to college.0:48
  11. No!0:50
  12. Would Brie Larson work out?0:52
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  1. Like, hypothetically would I at some point?0:55
  2. Is that like a personal attack or something?0:58
  3. Is that a request?1:00
  4. Do you think I should?1:01
  5. Yeah, I work out a lot.1:02
  6. Thanks for asking.1:04
  7. We'll come back to this idea of interpreting negative intent because it is possible that she wasn't doing that at all and was actually aiming for sarcasm in these situations.1:05
  8. The problem is that sarcasm requires a tell.1:14
  9. You must go over the top, either in your word choice, body language or tone, or people will not recognize sarcasm where you might have intended it.1:17
  10. Without that, Brie's defensiveness appears sincere.1:26
  11. Left -handed?1:29
  12. Why do you need to know?1:31
  13. Can Captain Marvel beat Superman?1:32
  14. I can't believe you even have to google that, duh.1:35
  15. I mean, why?1:38
  16. To be clear, you can add sarcasm to this type of a joke.1:41
  17. For instance, Aubrey Plaza gives similar responses in her Wired interview, but people responded much better.1:45
  18. And this case, by narrowing her eyes and changing her tone slightly.1:53
  19. Since it is so subtle, this level of sarcasm will be missed by many people.2:04
  20. And I know that British people are going to hate this recommendation, but at least in America, a good rule of thumb is that when you are being tongue in2:08
  21. cheek, do not be flat in your delivery.2:15
  22. Especially if a literal interpretation of what you're saying would make you sound like a jerk.2:18
  23. Go over the top and changing your tone, your gestures, or your facial expressions.2:23
  24. This helps people distinguish between normal conversation and a character that you are playing for the purpose of a joke.2:27
  25. This next clip is a great example of Brie playing like she's upset while making it clear that that isn't truly how she feels.2:33
  26. She's not really offended.2:40
  27. Now watch for the change in her voice tone and her over the top gesticulating.2:42
  28. Back to the first point.3:00
  29. It is possible that Brie might be sincere in her frustration with these questions.3:02
  30. Obviously we can't read minds, but there is no absurdity, no smile to release the tension, just flat statements, as if she is interpreting what she was being asked as3:06
  31. an attack.3:15
  32. Is that like a personal attack or something?3:16
  33. Regardless of what was happening in Brie's head, in your own life you would benefit tremendously from reading positive intent into ambiguous situations like these.3:18
  34. In fact, even when people are undeniably being rude to you, reading positive intent can be an excellent way to gain control of the situation.3:27
  35. It's part of what made Russell Brand so admirable in his MSNBC interview from several years ago.3:36
  36. That entire interaction deserves a breakdown on its own, but just watch here where the host takes aim at Russell's accent.3:42
  37. He could get flustered in response, but instead he assumes positive intent and cracks back a friendly joke.3:49
  38. Jokes like these that interpret positive intent can go a long way to winning the person over who is being rude to you, though it didn't actually work in this4:16
  39. particular situation.4:22
  40. And if you'd like a breakdown of this entire interaction, just let us know in the comments.4:24
  41. Just so you guys know, due to your overwhelming response, we are working now on a video that covers attachment theory.4:27
  42. But moving along with this video to the third point, you should not jump on every opportunity to call praise or attention to yourself.4:32
  43. Now in this next clip, Chris Hemsworth is talking up his stunt double, and he's putting himself down to do it.4:41
  44. This is a nice common move for somebody who is kind of on top, and in this case, Hemsworth is clearly athletic and powerful and famous, so it's kind of4:46
  45. him to take that trainer and put him above him, even if it means denigrating himself to do it.4:54
  46. If you're in a situation like this sitting next to someone who has just done this, it's a great opportunity to further spread the praise.5:07
  47. In this case, you might want to spread it to other stunt doubles, to the visual effects team from making the impossible appear real or just your castmates in general.5:14
  48. It is perhaps the worst opportunity to insist on your own specialness, because it contrasts so starkly with Chris's humility, and it also puts him on the defensive since he5:21
  49. was putting himself down and now we're taking that seriously.5:32
  50. Unfortunately, that is the route that Brie went.5:35
  51. Again, this is another situation where voice tone matters massively.5:43
  52. If Brie had said something like, wait a second, you guys got stunt doubles?5:48
  53. I thought we were supposed to do all that stuff by ourselves.5:52
  54. People probably would have just laughed at that, but without anything over the top, without playing a character, she appears sincere in her attempt to call positive attention to herself,5:55
  55. and it doesn't play well.6:04
  56. A now defensive Chris pokes her back, doubting that she does her own stunts, and he mentions Tom Cruise as a contrast.6:06
  57. I did my stunts because I thought that that's what everyone did.6:12
  58. And again, rather than taking this opportunity to praise Tom Cruise's legendary status in the industry as one of the A -listers who truly does his own stunts and put6:16
  59. his self on the line, Brie insists on distinguishing herself further.6:26
  60. If you're in a situation like this, the charismatic move, the confident move is to spread the praise.6:36
  61. Don't worry so much if you're getting yours.6:44
  62. When you give it freely, it comes back to you freely.6:46
  63. Watch Chris Pratt illustrate this point perfectly.6:50
  64. The Avengers cast are asked who the most charming Chris is.6:52
  65. Look at how he handles it.6:55
  66. It is exactly his own willingness to raise somebody else up that is what makes other people vote for him in droves.7:04
  67. This all takes us to the fourth point of the video, which is you should not try to win each moment of banter.7:13
  68. This makes it harder to feel comfortable joking with you because things always become competitive.7:21
  69. Take as an example when Brie says that she is the strongest character in the movie, which though dry could be considered a playful jab at her co -stars.7:25
  70. Chris predictably jabs back, and the high -pitched voice is an indication that he's being playful as are the extreme head movements, and eventually he gets a laugh from the7:33
  71. people around him.7:42
  72. Now with that laugh, Chris has quote unquote won this round of banter, but in order to let Brie say face, he adds that her character is really smart.8:05
  73. Brie shakes her head no, fidgets with her earring, and then when Chris says that we should have a fight, she doesn't interpret it positively or playfully.8:18
  74. She seems to feel as if she is being laughed at.8:25
  75. So rather than saying, oh my god, we should totally have a fight in the next Avengers or making some other joke, she says that she feels like she's been8:27
  76. fighting with him all day, and you get the sense that she's being honest.8:34
  77. I suspect that is a real representation of her feelings.8:43
  78. She probably does feel like these exchanges are fights, and that can be exhausting.8:46
  79. If you have ever felt like this, here is a way out.8:51
  80. Sometimes it is better to stop fighting.8:53
  81. Don't try to win every laugh from the audience.8:57
  82. Instead, go with the joke, even if it feels like you are the butt of that joke, and then amplify it.8:59
  83. By not taking this kind of insulting joke seriously, you diffuse its power, and you turn the crowd from laughing at you to laughing with you.9:06
  84. Here is Brie doing it in another interview with Craig Ferguson when he teases her name.9:14
  85. That's a lovely name, Brie.9:19
  86. Is that really a name?9:20
  87. Are you named after a cheese?9:21
  88. Yes, I am.9:22
  89. I'm named after a cheese.9:24
  90. I get confused all the time.9:25
  91. I walk into rooms and people are like, ah, I thought it was going to be a human, but it was going to be a cheese.9:26
  92. No.9:32
  93. And here's another example of Chris Pratt taking one on the chin in Good Spirit.9:33
  94. Is Chris Pratt the worst, Chris?9:37
  95. It should just be this.9:41
  96. Is Chris Pratt the worst?9:43
  97. Kind of.9:45
  98. Kind of the worst.9:46
  99. This is all much easier if you interpret positive intent per the first point.9:48
  100. So now, the last thing that I want to touch on is how to handle a compliment.9:52
  101. You should avoid responding to compliments with banter that are put down in nature, even if you're joking like this.9:57
  102. You're starting to get a heart attack.10:02
  103. Oh, Chris.10:04
  104. That's really nice.10:05
  105. I'm still stronger than you, though.10:07
  106. You're not, though.10:08
  107. Instead, you can give a sincere thank you, emphasize perhaps with sustained eye contact or a touch.10:10
  108. You're toying with me.10:15
  109. I like your bejeweled epaulettes, by the way.10:16
  110. That's very nice.10:19
  111. It's like you're a sort of commander of fabulous.10:20
  112. Alternatively, you can spin it back around to the other person and playfully find a way to give them back an even bigger compliment.10:23
  113. No, well, I think you should take a lot of it.10:29
  114. Thank you, FIFA.10:32
  115. Yeah, and I have just spoken to Jonah and he said you should, too.10:33
  116. So, Jonah, say yes.10:35
  117. There you go.10:37
  118. They love you.10:38
  119. I'll give Jonah credit, then.10:39
  120. It's only an honourable, isn't it?10:40
  121. True.10:42
  122. Jonah can have credit.10:42
  123. Okay.10:43
  124. Either way, whatever you do, do not punish people when they give you compliments.10:44
  125. Otherwise, they will not be so forthcoming.10:48
  126. When in doubt, a sincere thank you and a smile or just a return to compliment will take you much farther.10:51
  127. So, I hope that you guys enjoyed this video.10:56
  128. If you are a fan of the channel, you may want to check out our course, Charisma University.10:59
  129. In my opinion, it is hands down the best thing that I have ever created when it comes to developing your own charisma.11:03
  130. It covers everything from making a great first impression to magnetic body language, deep confidence, and of course, doing it all consistently, which as you saw in this video, doesn't11:09
  131. always come naturally to many of us.11:17
  132. So, if you want to learn more, go ahead, click the button on screen now or the link in the description.11:19
  133. Either way, I hope that you enjoyed the video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.11:25

A Fast American Lecture Clip for B2 English Speaking Practice

This clip is english speaking practice built on a real teaching monologue, not a scripted trailer, so the sentences stay long and connected the way people actually argue a point out loud. The host of Charisma on Command speaks in an american accent at 220 words per minute, faster than most of the catalogue, so you get real pressure to keep up. The level sits at B2: the vocabulary reaches for words like "undeniably" and "narrowing", but the grammar itself stays plain.

What is actually happening is a breakdown of two Brie Larson interviews. The host quotes short, clipped answers from the interviews themselves, then explains what went wrong or right in them. That contrast, long explanatory sentences from the host against short reactive lines from the interview clips, gives you two different speaking rhythms to copy in one recording, useful if you want to improve english speaking for both explaining a point and reacting on the spot.

The Language in This Clip: Interview One Liners Versus the Host's Explanations

Two speech patterns sit side by side here. Below are three lines pulled straight from the transcript, and what is worth noticing in each.

  • "Would Brie Larson work out?" is a fast rhetorical question with almost no runway before it, said the way people actually needle a friend rather than the way a textbook writes a question.
  • "Is that like a personal attack or something?" stacks three short phrases back to back. Practising it out loud is a shortcut to sounding less flat, which matters if you want to speak english fluently in a real exchange rather than reading from a page.
  • "Since it is so subtle, this level of sarcasm will be missed by many people." is the host's own longer style. Notice the comma pause before "this level of sarcasm" and try to land the whole clause in one breath.

How to Shadow This B2 Charisma Lecture Line by Line

Work through the clip in this order rather than playing it once end to end.

  • Start at line 3, "So today, I want to talk about what you can learn from these situations and how to prevent yourself from doing specific behavior patterns that can make people dislike you", the host's topic sentence, and shadow it until the clause breaks land in the same places.
  • Move to the short exchange around "Go to college." and "No!". One and two word lines like these are the hardest to time because there is almost no lead in before them.
  • Take "I can't believe you even have to google that, duh." next and repeat it until the sarcasm sits in your tone, not just your word choice, since this recording carries no marked reduced forms to lean on instead.
  • Finish on "Especially if a literal interpretation of what you're saying would make you sound like a jerk.", one of the longer single lines here. Split it at "what you're saying" before attempting it whole. This is english shadowing practice at a pace that rewards breaking a line into pieces before joining it back up.
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