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Pratique du shadowing : 21 Harsh Truths About Why You’re Still Lost - Mark Manson

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  1. The most important skill in the 21st century is the ability to live happily with uncertainty.La compétence la plus importante du 21e siècle c'est vivre heureux avec l'incertitude.0:00
  2. Yeah, I mean, do you know what's going on?Ouais je veux dire tu sais ce qui se passe ?0:06
  3. You millions of people like tune in to listen to you to try to figure out what's going on and you still don't know what's going on.Des millions de gens t'écoutent pour essayer de comprendre ce qui se passe et toi tu ne sais pas.0:13
  4. So it's if you and I can't figure it out, like I think we're all pretty.Donc si toi et moi on peut pas le comprendre je pense qu'on est tous dans le même bateau.0:19
  5. It is interesting that like as access to information scales the certainty and the confidence around that information like dissipates.C'est intéressant que plus on a accès à l'information moins on est sûr de ce qu'on croit.0:24
  6. I feel like everybody is feels less moored to reality than ever before, despite the fact that we have access to everything 24 seven, which is like a very weirdJ'ai l'impression que tout le monde se sent moins ancré à la réalité qu'avant malgré qu'on ait tout 24/7.0:36
  7. paradox.C'est un paradoxe bizarre.0:47
  8. But I think it's it's there's a deep human instinct to seek out certainty to find a certain set of beliefs and assumptions that you can kind of like hangMais je pense qu'il y a un instinct humain profond de chercher la certitude.0:47
  9. your hat on and build your life around.De trouver des croyances sur lesquelles s'accrocher.1:00
  10. And I think it's becoming harder than it's ever been before.Et de construire sa vie dessus.1:02
  11. And I think as a result, developing kind of the cognitive flexibility to live in ambiguity is probably more important than it's ever been.Et je pense que ça devient plus difficile qu'avant.1:06
  12. What happens if you can't deal with uncertainty?Et je pense que développer la flexibilité cognitive pour vivre l'ambiguïté est probablement plus important que jamais.1:17
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  1. Then you will over index on one single belief, right?Qu'est-ce qui se passe si tu peux pas gérer l'incertitude ?1:22
  2. So you'll become radical about one idea.Alors tu vas te concentrer sur une seule croyance.1:27
  3. You'll basically put all of your kind of emotional well being into a single concept or a single world worldview.Tu vas devenir extrémiste avec une idée.1:30
  4. And the danger of that is just that like any every worldview is going to get blown up at a certain point.Tu vas mettre tout ton bien-être émotionnel dans un concept unique.1:38
  5. Like nothing survives contact with reality.Et le danger c'est que chaque point de vue finit par s'écrouler.1:44
  6. So when you are forced, you know, when that worldview gets contradicted, you're either going to suffer immensely or you're going to have to double down the delusion to maintainRien ne survit au contact avec la réalité.1:48
  7. the certainty.Quand tu es forcé quand ton point de vue se contredit tu vas soit souffrir énormément soit te plonger dans le déni.1:58
  8. Anxiety is all about uncertainty.Pour maintenir ta certitude.2:00
  9. It's about trying to compress uncertainty down.L'anxiété c'est tout sur l'incertitude.2:02
  10. I don't know what's going to happen in future.C'est vouloir diminuer l'incertitude.2:04
  11. If I can imagine all of the different ways that the future might unfold, especially the really bad ones, I'll be able to plan and war game.Je ne sais pas ce qui va se passer à l'avenir.2:07
  12. And that means that when it happens, I'll be ready.Si j'imagine tous les scénarios possibles surtout les mauvais je peux me préparer.2:18
  13. You know, there's a it's a really strange comment on how humans brains work that we would rather imagine a catastrophe than deal with uncertainty.Et quand ça arrive je suis prêt.2:21
  14. You think about you think about is thinking in superpositions, right?Ouais.2:32
  15. People would rather collapse the superposition down into something that maybe even breaks the laws of physics.Tu penses en superpositions tu sais ?2:37
  16. Your dead grandma comes back from the grave to tell you off for this entire supernatural shits going on.Les gens préfèrent s'effondrer la superposition en quelque chose qui casse la physique.2:43
  17. That's what you would rather have in your mind.Ta grand-mère morte revient de la tombe pour t'engueuler du surnaturel partout.2:50
  18. Then I don't know what's going to happen.C'est ça que tu préfères.2:54
  19. Right.Plutôt que je ne sais pas ce qui va se passer.2:56
  20. It's interesting to like what you described about anxiety, that kind of that treadmill that you get on, right?Ouais.2:59
  21. Of like trying to predict future outcomes in the process of trying to predict those outcomes, trying to be become certain about what's going to happen.C'est intéressant ce que tu décris sur l'anxiété ce tapis roulant sur lequel tu montes.3:04
  22. You actually just inadvertently build more surface area for more uncertainty, because every everything you try to project into the future, you just create more opportunities for that to beTu essaies de prédire les résultats et en le faisant tu essaies de devenir certain.3:14
  23. wrong.Tu crées accidentellement plus de surface pour l'incertitude.3:25
  24. Yes.Parce que tout ce que tu projettes crée plus d'occasions de te tromper.3:25
  25. And yes.Ouais.3:26
  26. So it's interesting because I think I think actually like the antidote to this, it's more of like an aperture issue, right?Et ouais.3:27
  27. It's I think instead of trying to be certain about very specific small narrow things, it's better to try to zoom out till you find a place of confidence, right?C'est intéressant parce que je pense que l'antidote c'est une question d'ouverture.3:33
  28. So like just take like AI for instance, right?Au lieu de vouloir être certain sur des choses étroites il vaut mieux zoomer jusqu'à trouver la confiance.3:43
  29. Everybody's freaking out about it.Par exemple prends l'IA d'accord ?3:48
  30. Everybody's got, you know, some people think the world's gonna end, some people think everybody's gonna lose their jobs, some people think like China's gonna take over everything.Tout le monde panique.3:49
  31. I have no idea if any of those things are true, but like if I zoom out broadly enough, and you just look at every major technological revolution throughout humanCertains pensent que le monde va s'arrêter d'autres que tout le monde perd son job.3:57
  32. history, there is disruption, there is some displacement, but like society adapts and moves on.D'autres que la Chine prend le contrôle.4:06
  33. And so if I zoom out to that wide of an aperture, suddenly I feel some degree of certainty that we're gonna be okay in the macro, but in theJe ne sais pas si c'est vrai.4:14
  34. micro, right?Mais si je zoom à un niveau large et regarde chaque révolution technologique majeure.4:23
  35. Of like, are you and I gonna have jobs in two years?Il y a perturbation et déplacement.4:24
  36. Like, less certainty about that.Mais la société s'adapte et continue.4:27
  37. Yeah.Donc si je zoom assez large je me sens confiant qu'on va bien se débrouiller à grande échelle.4:30
  38. Yeah.Mais en détail tu sais ?4:33
  39. It's a kind of fragility to meet a lot of certainty, because what you're saying is, I can't deal with something that I can't anticipate.It's a kind of fragility to meet a lot of certainty, because what you're saying is, I can't deal with something that I can't anticipate.4:33
  40. I don't have enough robustness in my system.I don't have enough robustness in my system.4:42
  41. If something happens that I haven't planned for, the only way that I can survive the future is if I've already prepared for it.If something happens that I haven't planned for, the only way that I can survive the future is if I've already prepared for it.4:44
  42. And that's the opposite of robustness or, you know, the best anti fragility.And that's the opposite of robustness or, you know, the best anti fragility.4:53
  43. Look at COVID.Look at COVID.4:58
  44. Now COVID, everybody's lives during COVID basically forked into one of two directions.Now COVID, everybody's lives during COVID basically forked into one of two directions.4:59
  45. People either went way off the rails, or people's lives got stupendously better.People either went way off the rails, or people's lives got stupendously better.5:05
  46. Right.Right.5:11
  47. That's it.That's it.5:11
  48. There wasn't really anyone that was like, yeah, you know, COVID was okay.There wasn't really anyone that was like, yeah, you know, COVID was okay.5:12
  49. Yeah, ticked over and stuff really didn't show.Yeah, ticked over and stuff really didn't show.5:15
  50. You know, my trajectory stayed the same.You know, my trajectory stayed the same.5:18
  51. That that was like a lifestyle Rorschach test that everybody took.That that was like a lifestyle Rorschach test that everybody took.5:20
  52. Everybody looked at it, and some people went in one direction and some people went in the other.Everybody looked at it, and some people went in one direction and some people went in the other.5:26
  53. And a lot of it is, you just got dealt a fucking shitty hand, dude.And a lot of it is, you just got dealt a fucking shitty hand, dude.5:30
  54. Yeah.Yeah.5:35
  55. You know, like that, hospitality job that you were just about to take that was going to change your life.You know, like that, hospitality job that you were just about to take that was going to change your life.5:35
  56. I'm really sorry that fucking that blue or that SaaS company that you were about to start.I'm really sorry that fucking that blue or that SaaS company that you were about to start.5:41
  57. Like, yeah, I mean, you timed the shit out of the market.Like, yeah, I mean, you timed the shit out of the market.5:46
  58. Well done for incorporating in 2019 and having everything ready to work from home remotely.Well done for incorporating in 2019 and having everything ready to work from home remotely.5:48
  59. Yeah.Yeah.5:52
  60. It's interesting.It's interesting.5:53
  61. So one of my fans recently asked me a question about confidence and about like people who seem self -assured in kind of every situation.So one of my fans recently asked me a question about confidence and about like people who seem self -assured in kind of every situation.5:55
  62. And it's interesting because I think, you know, when you hear a lot of confidence advice, you hear, you know, you need to fail at something in a certain amountAnd it's interesting because I think, you know, when you hear a lot of confidence advice, you hear, you know, you need to fail at something in a certain amount6:06
  63. of times and you need to build evidence, right, that you're capable of handling setbacks and obstacles and all these things.of times and you need to build evidence, right, that you're capable of handling setbacks and obstacles and all these things.6:14
  64. And it's interesting because I think it kind of like confidence actually operates on two different dimensions.And it's interesting because I think it kind of like confidence actually operates on two different dimensions.6:22
  65. There's like state confidence and trade confidence, right?There's like state confidence and trade confidence, right?6:28
  66. And so you can put yourself in situations where you feel some degree of certainty.And so you can put yourself in situations where you feel some degree of certainty.6:30
  67. Like you've done a thousand podcasts, right?Like you've done a thousand podcasts, right?6:35
  68. So it's like, if a fucking light blows up right here, like you're probably going to figure it out and be fine.So it's like, if a fucking light blows up right here, like you're probably going to figure it out and be fine.6:37
  69. And you're not going to worry about it.And you're not going to worry about it.6:42
  70. But there's, there is an interesting aspect of like kind of a broader trade confidence of just living enough of your life in that uncertainty, being in enough situations whereBut there's, there is an interesting aspect of like kind of a broader trade confidence of just living enough of your life in that uncertainty, being in enough situations where6:45
  71. you felt out of control, but things turned out fine.you felt out of control, but things turned out fine.6:57
  72. That I don't think you can plan or predict for.That I don't think you can plan or predict for.7:01
  73. It's like, almost by definition, you have to live through things not going as planned to build that like deeper level, trade level confidence.It's like, almost by definition, you have to live through things not going as planned to build that like deeper level, trade level confidence.7:04
  74. Yeah, that's the dark night of the soul thing.Yeah, that's the dark night of the soul thing.7:14
  75. The worst thing that's ever happened to you is the worst thing that's ever happened to you.The worst thing that's ever happened to you is the worst thing that's ever happened to you.7:16
  76. It's like difficulty exposure therapy.It's like difficulty exposure therapy.7:19
  77. I've been here before and I didn't die.I've been here before and I didn't die.7:23
  78. That means I can probably be there again.That means I can probably be there again.7:25
  79. Things will go okay.Things will go okay.7:27
  80. But if you haven't been there before and it happens, if a pandemic comes along again, everybody, apart from five year olds are prepared way more.But if you haven't been there before and it happens, if a pandemic comes along again, everybody, apart from five year olds are prepared way more.7:29
  81. Okay, I understand what's going to happen here.Okay, I understand what's going to happen here.7:37
  82. Like I lock myself in the house.Like I lock myself in the house.7:39
  83. I'll probably invest in some companies you know, like distributed by Zoom stock.I'll probably invest in some companies you know, like distributed by Zoom stock.7:40
  84. You know that when COVID happened, there was another company called Zoom whose ticker is very close to the proper one and their share price went up by like 400%.You know that when COVID happened, there was another company called Zoom whose ticker is very close to the proper one and their share price went up by like 400%.7:46
  85. It's some Chinese company.It's some Chinese company.7:55
  86. Like just by fortune of being called the same thing.Like just by fortune of being called the same thing.7:56
  87. All right, next one.All right, next one.7:59
  88. Yeah.Yeah.8:00
  89. Do hard shit, not because it's fun, but because the win actually means something.Do hard shit, not because it's fun, but because the win actually means something.8:01
  90. You bled for it.You bled for it.8:06
  91. You broke for it.You broke for it.8:07
  92. You earned it.You earned it.8:08
  93. Easy wins are forgettable.Easy wins are forgettable.8:09
  94. Hard ones change you.Hard ones change you.8:11
  95. That's the point.That's the point.8:12
  96. I've been thinking a lot about this concept recently of like how there's an inverse relationship between convenience and significance.I've been thinking a lot about this concept recently of like how there's an inverse relationship between convenience and significance.8:16
  97. Like I think we tend to only appreciate things that require some degree of friction or sacrifice.Like I think we tend to only appreciate things that require some degree of friction or sacrifice.8:25
  98. And I mean, look, there's the classic reason to do hard things, which is kind of what we just, it's like you build resilience and you build up your enduranceAnd I mean, look, there's the classic reason to do hard things, which is kind of what we just, it's like you build resilience and you build up your endurance8:36
  99. and self -belief and confidence and all these things.and self -belief and confidence and all these things.8:44
  100. But I've been thinking a lot about this more from like kind of an existential meaning lens of that when things are just handed to you, you take them forBut I've been thinking a lot about this more from like kind of an existential meaning lens of that when things are just handed to you, you take them for8:46
  101. granted.granted.8:59
  102. It's human nature.It's human nature.8:59
  103. And so if there are a lot of results in your life, if we are all kind of accumulating more and more results and outputs in our life that areAnd so if there are a lot of results in your life, if we are all kind of accumulating more and more results and outputs in our life that are9:00
  104. kind of just handed to us by technology, you know, fucking burrito taxis coming anytime we want, like it's in one way it's kind of robbing us for opportunities ofkind of just handed to us by technology, you know, fucking burrito taxis coming anytime we want, like it's in one way it's kind of robbing us for opportunities of9:08
  105. significance.significance.9:21
  106. And I'm maybe it's because I'm 40 now, but I'm like I'm starting to develop this like interest in intentionally introducing friction back into my life in certain ways.And I'm maybe it's because I'm 40 now, but I'm like I'm starting to develop this like interest in intentionally introducing friction back into my life in certain ways.9:23
  107. I actually had a conversation with my wife last night where like she was telling me she said that one of her childhood friends sent her some voice notes andI actually had a conversation with my wife last night where like she was telling me she said that one of her childhood friends sent her some voice notes and9:39
  108. it's like she was going through all this shit.it's like she was going through all this shit.9:47
  109. Like her kid was having problems, her business partner was like, you know, just completely checked out, huge fight with like her ex husband, all this stuff.Like her kid was having problems, her business partner was like, you know, just completely checked out, huge fight with like her ex husband, all this stuff.9:49
  110. And my wife was like, do you want to talk?And my wife was like, do you want to talk?10:01
  111. And her friend was like, I never even considered like I didn't want to bother you or you know, you're busy or whatever.And her friend was like, I never even considered like I didn't want to bother you or you know, you're busy or whatever.10:05
  112. And then of course they got on the phone, they talked for like an hour and a half and it was like this great kind of reconnection in this moment.And then of course they got on the phone, they talked for like an hour and a half and it was like this great kind of reconnection in this moment.10:11
  113. But my wife and I were talking last night about like how just that reluctance to even like actually call somebody without permission, without like establishing, okay, I sent aBut my wife and I were talking last night about like how just that reluctance to even like actually call somebody without permission, without like establishing, okay, I sent a10:16
  114. text and then I asked if I can call.text and then I asked if I can call.10:28
  115. We're also like hung up on it's in the phone is annoying, it's annoying, like when the phone rings, it's annoying to like have to deal with calls that we'veWe're also like hung up on it's in the phone is annoying, it's annoying, like when the phone rings, it's annoying to like have to deal with calls that we've10:34
  116. like robbed ourselves of that friction that actually builds like the connective tissue of our relationships, right?like robbed ourselves of that friction that actually builds like the connective tissue of our relationships, right?10:43
  117. Because you can't reproduce that intimacy through like voice notes or text messages or anything.Because you can't reproduce that intimacy through like voice notes or text messages or anything.10:50
  118. So like that's a very superficial example, but like we're surrounded by those superficial examples 24 seven.So like that's a very superficial example, but like we're surrounded by those superficial examples 24 seven.10:54
  119. Is this making any sense?Is this making any sense?11:02
  120. Absolutely.Absolutely.11:03
  121. I didn't know where you were going at the stop, but you really brought it back in the length.I didn't know where you were going at the stop, but you really brought it back in the length.11:04
  122. The inconvenience of a friendship is exactly where it grows from.The inconvenience of a friendship is exactly where it grows from.11:07
  123. The definition of safety, the best definition of safety that's been formally given to me is we can go through something hard and come out the other side okay.The definition of safety, the best definition of safety that's been formally given to me is we can go through something hard and come out the other side okay.11:13
  124. The best definition of personal safety and sovereignty is I'm okay no matter what happens.The best definition of personal safety and sovereignty is I'm okay no matter what happens.11:23
  125. Right.Right.11:30
  126. Something similar.Something similar.11:30
  127. It's a relationship with yourself, a relationship with somebody else.It's a relationship with yourself, a relationship with somebody else.11:31
  128. But you have to, how do you know that you're safe if you haven't gone through something difficult with somebody?But you have to, how do you know that you're safe if you haven't gone through something difficult with somebody?11:34
  129. It's the same thing as Jordan Peterson's idea about you're not being noble if you're unable to be harmful.It's the same thing as Jordan Peterson's idea about you're not being noble if you're unable to be harmful.11:39
  130. You're just being harmless.You're just being harmless.11:48
  131. Right.Right.11:50
  132. A rabbit doesn't choose, actually rabbits can be bastards, but a rabbit doesn't choose to be harmless, right?A rabbit doesn't choose, actually rabbits can be bastards, but a rabbit doesn't choose to be harmless, right?11:50
  133. It just doesn't have very many weapons.It just doesn't have very many weapons.11:56
  134. Sure.Sure.11:58
  135. But that line between significance and convenience I think is so fucking right.But that line between significance and convenience I think is so fucking right.11:59
  136. And I've been thinking about this a lot.And I've been thinking about this a lot.12:06
  137. I'm sure that you write a lot of things, you need to produce stuff.I'm sure that you write a lot of things, you need to produce stuff.12:07
  138. Everybody in one way or another is probably using AI to assist them with that workflow.Everybody in one way or another is probably using AI to assist them with that workflow.12:11
  139. And what I've noticed is that there's certain things that it's robbed me of the enjoyment of in completion, even as it's made completing it easier and maybe better.And what I've noticed is that there's certain things that it's robbed me of the enjoyment of in completion, even as it's made completing it easier and maybe better.12:16
  140. Right.Right.12:27
  141. And then you start to ask yourself a deep question, which is what am I doing it for?And then you start to ask yourself a deep question, which is what am I doing it for?12:28
  142. Am I doing it for the outcome?Am I doing it for the outcome?12:32
  143. Because I can speedrun the outcome.Because I can speedrun the outcome.12:34
  144. Well, kind of, but also kind of not.Well, kind of, but also kind of not.12:37
  145. What I'm doing is I'm doing this thing for the way that I feel when I have finished it.What I'm doing is I'm doing this thing for the way that I feel when I have finished it.12:41
  146. That's really what I'm doing it for.That's really what I'm doing it for.12:48
  147. Because let's say that you could create some prompt in chat, gpt.Because let's say that you could create some prompt in chat, gpt.12:50
  148. Thank you to our partner, chat, gpt.Thank you to our partner, chat, gpt.12:55
  149. And that would create videos on your channel.And that would create videos on your channel.12:58
  150. Let's say they're even derivative of your work, that it's not using anybody else's work, but it was able to get a new channel of yours to a million subscribersLet's say they're even derivative of your work, that it's not using anybody else's work, but it was able to get a new channel of yours to a million subscribers13:04
  151. in four weeks.in four weeks.13:11
  152. Yeah.Yeah.13:13
  153. And you just put it in, you're amazing.And you just put it in, you're amazing.13:13
  154. It's my work, right?It's my work, right?13:15
  155. So it's still you, but the process of getting there wasn't that challenging.So it's still you, but the process of getting there wasn't that challenging.13:17
  156. Right.Right.13:23
  157. I don't think that you would feel that satisfied.I don't think that you would feel that satisfied.13:24
  158. Think about how satisfied you are when your book actually gets completed by you by hand in the before times.Think about how satisfied you are when your book actually gets completed by you by hand in the before times.13:27
  159. Yeah.Yeah.13:34
  160. And it's like, I struggle with this too, because I'm generally like a very technology, pro technology person who owns an AI company.And it's like, I struggle with this too, because I'm generally like a very technology, pro technology person who owns an AI company.13:34
  161. So it's, but I think of it, like when you were talking, the thing that came to mind is it's kind of like playing a video game with cheat codes,So it's, but I think of it, like when you were talking, the thing that came to mind is it's kind of like playing a video game with cheat codes,13:41
  162. right?right?13:51
  163. It's fun for a minute.It's fun for a minute.13:52
  164. You're like, I'm like crushing everything.You're like, I'm like crushing everything.13:53
  165. This is awesome.This is awesome.13:55
  166. But then when you beat it, it's not satisfying.But then when you beat it, it's not satisfying.13:56
  167. And it's almost like most of the technological innovation of say the last 20 years has just been adding little cheat codes to all these areas of our lives.And it's almost like most of the technological innovation of say the last 20 years has just been adding little cheat codes to all these areas of our lives.13:58
  168. And it has made everything more seamless, frictionless, convenient, faster, more efficient, but it's like robbing the satisfaction of like doing, which is the reason that you do it.And it has made everything more seamless, frictionless, convenient, faster, more efficient, but it's like robbing the satisfaction of like doing, which is the reason that you do it.14:08
  169. You do it for the emotional state of having done it.You do it for the emotional state of having done it.14:20
  170. Now, hopefully having done it well, hopefully having done it in a way that makes other people's lives better and is popular, maybe gets you some money too.Now, hopefully having done it well, hopefully having done it in a way that makes other people's lives better and is popular, maybe gets you some money too.14:24
  171. But all of those things only matter in as much as you can link your effort to that outcome.But all of those things only matter in as much as you can link your effort to that outcome.14:31
  172. And I think part of it too is that it's causing us to mistake the convenience and efficiency for why we're doing it, right?And I think part of it too is that it's causing us to mistake the convenience and efficiency for why we're doing it, right?14:39
  173. For example, I think this dating is probably the most egregious example of this.For example, I think this dating is probably the most egregious example of this.14:49
  174. If you look at just the state of the dating apps, they're completely optimized for convenience of introduction.If you look at just the state of the dating apps, they're completely optimized for convenience of introduction.14:54
  175. And on the surface, if you're a single person, that sounds like a great deal.And on the surface, if you're a single person, that sounds like a great deal.15:03
  176. But in the process of like mass matching people out of convenience, you are losing that friction and that struggle, which is essentially the filtration system for who's actually goingBut in the process of like mass matching people out of convenience, you are losing that friction and that struggle, which is essentially the filtration system for who's actually going15:07
  177. to be a good partner for you.to be a good partner for you.15:22
  178. Which also creates the significance in the connection too.Which also creates the significance in the connection too.15:23
  179. And that's that bottom line.And that's that bottom line.15:26
  180. Easy wins are forgettable.Easy wins are forgettable.15:27
  181. Yes.Yes.15:29
  182. And that's the thing.And that's the thing.15:29
  183. You look back on your life and you say, wow, I don't actually know how I got here.You look back on your life and you say, wow, I don't actually know how I got here.15:30
  184. I mean, it's great.I mean, it's great.15:35
  185. And I look at all of the things I have.And I look at all of the things I have.15:35
  186. Isn't that wonderful?Isn't that wonderful?15:37
  187. I think about this.I think about this.15:38
  188. People that became millionaires, Deca, center millionaires through crypto.People that became millionaires, Deca, center millionaires through crypto.15:39
  189. How deranging must that be?How deranging must that be?15:45
  190. Completely deranging.Completely deranging.15:48
  191. The same way as somebody who's poor, winning the lottery, in many ways, that could be one of the worst days of their life when they look back.The same way as somebody who's poor, winning the lottery, in many ways, that could be one of the worst days of their life when they look back.15:49
  192. They go, wow, that was completely unmoored, untethered to my existing perspective of reality.They go, wow, that was completely unmoored, untethered to my existing perspective of reality.15:56
  193. I'm never going to have a day that's that good again.I'm never going to have a day that's that good again.16:05
  194. It's like having never done cocaine and then deciding one day to complete like a Charlie Sheen sized dose of it.It's like having never done cocaine and then deciding one day to complete like a Charlie Sheen sized dose of it.16:07
  195. You go, well, I'm not conditioned.You go, well, I'm not conditioned.16:15
  196. I wasn't right.I wasn't right.16:18
  197. I didn't build up my tolerance for this.I didn't build up my tolerance for this.16:18
  198. And I don't have the story and the narrative.And I don't have the story and the narrative.16:20
  199. And that's what we live in.And that's what we live in.16:22
  200. Humans live in these narratives.Humans live in these narratives.16:23
  201. There's also like there's a skill aspect of this too.There's also like there's a skill aspect of this too.16:27
  202. Right?Right?16:29
  203. Like, especially with around money and relationships, like I think part of the issue with the app driven dating culture is that there's a lot of just simple basic datingLike, especially with around money and relationships, like I think part of the issue with the app driven dating culture is that there's a lot of just simple basic dating16:30
  204. skills that you build and optimize through like actually speaking face to face with lots and lots of people, especially people who are not very interested in you.skills that you build and optimize through like actually speaking face to face with lots and lots of people, especially people who are not very interested in you.16:43
  205. And I imagine you have a lot of experience.And I imagine you have a lot of experience.16:52
  206. Oh, yeah.Oh, yeah.16:55
  207. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.16:57
  208. And the interesting thing, you know, there's this stat around lottery winners, where like the majority of them end up broke, lots of them end up depressed, number of themAnd the interesting thing, you know, there's this stat around lottery winners, where like the majority of them end up broke, lots of them end up depressed, number of them17:01
  209. commit suicide.commit suicide.17:09
  210. And I think a lot of it too is that there's this, this there's a skill set around money, right?And I think a lot of it too is that there's this, this there's a skill set around money, right?17:10
  211. Which is like, okay, you have a lot of money.Which is like, okay, you have a lot of money.17:15
  212. There's a lot of bad ways to manage that money.There's a lot of bad ways to manage that money.17:17
  213. There are a lot of bad decisions.There are a lot of bad decisions.17:20
  214. There's a lot of bad habits around money that you've like never developed because you never climbed the mountain steadily over a long period of time.There's a lot of bad habits around money that you've like never developed because you never climbed the mountain steadily over a long period of time.17:22
  215. You were just like airdrop to the peak.You were just like airdrop to the peak.17:28
  216. And so clearly you just fall off.And so clearly you just fall off.17:31
  217. Well, the stupid thing is we don't know what technology we have now that had it have not been there, we would have preferred our lives in the past.Well, the stupid thing is we don't know what technology we have now that had it have not been there, we would have preferred our lives in the past.17:34
  218. There was a, I think the typewriter came in partway through Nietzsche's life and his writing changed.There was a, I think the typewriter came in partway through Nietzsche's life and his writing changed.17:43
  219. Interesting.Interesting.17:52
  220. When he, the typewriter came along, previously he was writing by hand.When he, the typewriter came along, previously he was writing by hand.17:52
  221. Yeah.Yeah.17:55
  222. Then after that his sentences got shorter, his writing style changed.Then after that his sentences got shorter, his writing style changed.17:56
  223. And I wonder how many people when the typewriter came along said, well, and without the quill, it's going to change all of these things.And I wonder how many people when the typewriter came along said, well, and without the quill, it's going to change all of these things.18:00
  224. Now, that's not to say that some technologies can't unlock creativity and unlock your access to difficulty.Now, that's not to say that some technologies can't unlock creativity and unlock your access to difficulty.18:07
  225. There's like, there's unnecessary challenge, but it certainly feels to me like if there's a bell curve of where the optimal point is or the area under the curve, weThere's like, there's unnecessary challenge, but it certainly feels to me like if there's a bell curve of where the optimal point is or the area under the curve, we18:12
  226. are way overshooting it now that a single prompt can basically spit out a passable piece of work.are way overshooting it now that a single prompt can basically spit out a passable piece of work.18:20
  227. All that being said, I do think that the advent of AI opens up for everybody.All that being said, I do think that the advent of AI opens up for everybody.18:24
  228. AI basically regresses you back to the mean, but that's what it is.AI basically regresses you back to the mean, but that's what it is.18:31
  229. It's optimizing for the mean.It's optimizing for the mean.18:34
  230. So if you're worse than, if you're in the bottom 50 % of anything, AI will make you better.So if you're worse than, if you're in the bottom 50 % of anything, AI will make you better.18:36
  231. It's a great deal.It's a great deal.18:41
  232. If you're in the top 50 % of anything, AI makes you worse.If you're in the top 50 % of anything, AI makes you worse.18:42
  233. And if you're trying to do anything, you shouldn't be doing it if you're in the bottom 50%.And if you're trying to do anything, you shouldn't be doing it if you're in the bottom 50%.18:45
  234. So presumably it's actually dragging you back.So presumably it's actually dragging you back.18:50
  235. I think the tricky thing with all of this whole concept, all these technologies, is what happens is that it becomes incumbent upon us individually to go find the newI think the tricky thing with all of this whole concept, all these technologies, is what happens is that it becomes incumbent upon us individually to go find the new18:55
  236. difficulty.difficulty.19:07
  237. Exactly.Exactly.19:08
  238. So it's like using AI, but also pushing yourself to still do something original or unique or have original ideas.So it's like using AI, but also pushing yourself to still do something original or unique or have original ideas.19:10
  239. And the problem is it's just like, it's really against our, our nature is to always choose the last, the path of least resistance.And the problem is it's just like, it's really against our, our nature is to always choose the last, the path of least resistance.19:22
  240. So it's very hard to develop that muscle.So it's very hard to develop that muscle.19:31
  241. And I think a lot of people just don't have that muscle.And I think a lot of people just don't have that muscle.19:35
  242. Choose hard, dude.Choose hard, dude.19:37
  243. All right, next one.All right, next one.19:38
  244. A quick aside, there is a stat that genuinely surprised me when I first heard it.A quick aside, there is a stat that genuinely surprised me when I first heard it.19:39
  245. 95 % of people don't get enough fiber, not because they're being careless, but because hitting your daily fiber target through food alone is actually quite hard.95 % of people don't get enough fiber, not because they're being careless, but because hitting your daily fiber target through food alone is actually quite hard.19:42
  246. But that's why Momentus built Fiber Plus.But that's why Momentus built Fiber Plus.19:52
  247. See, fiber isn't just a digestion thing.See, fiber isn't just a digestion thing.19:55
  248. It's the foundation of your gut health, which drives how well you absorb nutrients, how stable your energy is, and how quickly you recover.It's the foundation of your gut health, which drives how well you absorb nutrients, how stable your energy is, and how quickly you recover.19:58
  249. If your gut isn't dialed in, everything else that you're doing is working at a fraction of its potential.If your gut isn't dialed in, everything else that you're doing is working at a fraction of its potential.20:04
  250. Fiber Plus is a three in one formula built to address digestion, gut barrier strength, and blood sugar stability all at once.Fiber Plus is a three in one formula built to address digestion, gut barrier strength, and blood sugar stability all at once.20:09
  251. And this cinnamon flavor is unreal.And this cinnamon flavor is unreal.20:15
  252. You might think fiber.You might think fiber.20:19
  253. Wow, I bet that tastes great.Wow, I bet that tastes great.20:20
  254. Well, yeah, actually it does.Well, yeah, actually it does.20:23
  255. Doubters.Doubters.20:24
  256. I really enjoyed this.I really enjoyed this.20:25
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  261. heading to livemomentus .com slash modernwisdom and using the code modernwisdom at checkout.heading to livemomentus .com slash modernwisdom and using the code modernwisdom at checkout.20:42
  262. That's L -I -V -E -M -O -M -E -N -T -O -U -S dot com slash modernwisdom and modernwisdom.That's L -I -V -E -M -O -M -E -N -T -O -U -S dot com slash modernwisdom and modernwisdom.20:47
  263. A checkout.A checkout.20:53
  264. When you select a partner, whether you realize it or not, you're choosing a whole lifestyle and not just the person.When you select a partner, whether you realize it or not, you're choosing a whole lifestyle and not just the person.20:55
  265. You're choosing their sleep schedule.You're choosing their sleep schedule.21:00
  266. You're choosing their money habits.You're choosing their money habits.21:02
  267. You're choosing their stress levels, their family drama, their levels of cleanliness, their work ethic, their coping mechanisms.You're choosing their stress levels, their family drama, their levels of cleanliness, their work ethic, their coping mechanisms.21:03
  268. All of these things will be a baseline of your daily life.All of these things will be a baseline of your daily life.21:09
  269. If they're normal, is doom -scrolling till 2am, avoiding all conflict, impulse spending and never exercising.If they're normal, is doom -scrolling till 2am, avoiding all conflict, impulse spending and never exercising.21:11
  270. Guess what?Guess what?21:17
  271. You're signing up to live in that ecosystem.You're signing up to live in that ecosystem.21:19
  272. Love does not cancel out people's flaws.Love does not cancel out people's flaws.21:21
  273. In fact, love just makes you tolerate them for longer.In fact, love just makes you tolerate them for longer.21:23
  274. Most people obsess over, do we have romantic chemistry?Most people obsess over, do we have romantic chemistry?21:26
  275. And they completely skip, can I live with this person's version of a Tuesday for the next 10 years?And they completely skip, can I live with this person's version of a Tuesday for the next 10 years?21:31
  276. The hard truth is, you don't fix somebody's lifestyle from the inside.The hard truth is, you don't fix somebody's lifestyle from the inside.21:37
  277. You either accept the package as they are or you walk.You either accept the package as they are or you walk.21:41
  278. I've been having this conversation with a lot of single friends recently of, what I'm noticing is that people seem to have this laundry list of requirements.I've been having this conversation with a lot of single friends recently of, what I'm noticing is that people seem to have this laundry list of requirements.21:45
  279. And there's also this false perception of infinite options.And there's also this false perception of infinite options.22:01
  280. And so as soon as the person that they're seeing or that they're on a date with fails one of the qualifications, they're like, oh, next, I'm going to moveAnd so as soon as the person that they're seeing or that they're on a date with fails one of the qualifications, they're like, oh, next, I'm going to move22:07
  281. on.on.22:17
  282. And then of course, they're 45 and still single and wondering why they never found anybody.And then of course, they're 45 and still single and wondering why they never found anybody.22:18
  283. And have you ever heard that story that I think it was Warren Buffett where he said that he was you write out a list of 20 things that youAnd have you ever heard that story that I think it was Warren Buffett where he said that he was you write out a list of 20 things that you22:25
  284. want in your life, put them in order from the thing that's most important and least important, and then cross out everything but the top three.want in your life, put them in order from the thing that's most important and least important, and then cross out everything but the top three.22:34
  285. I've essentially started giving that exercise to my single friends because I'm like, you're not going to find all of these.I've essentially started giving that exercise to my single friends because I'm like, you're not going to find all of these.22:42
  286. And you've been brainwashed.And you've been brainwashed.22:49
  287. You have this false perception that there's a lot of these people out there that tick every single box.You have this false perception that there's a lot of these people out there that tick every single box.22:52
  288. And there's not.And there's not.22:57
  289. And you're probably, even if there is, you're probably not going to meet them.And you're probably, even if there is, you're probably not going to meet them.22:59
  290. And if you do meet them, they're going to have so many options that it's going to be like very unlikely that you end up with them.And if you do meet them, they're going to have so many options that it's going to be like very unlikely that you end up with them.23:02
  291. So it's find your three non -negotiables and then negotiate on the rest.So it's find your three non -negotiables and then negotiate on the rest.23:07
  292. And that's like fucking sacrilege these days to tell people because they're like, I don't want to settle.And that's like fucking sacrilege these days to tell people because they're like, I don't want to settle.23:13
  293. Sounds like settling.Sounds like settling.23:17
  294. Yeah, I don't want to settle.Yeah, I don't want to settle.23:18
  295. It's like, dude, everybody settles on something.It's like, dude, everybody settles on something.23:19
  296. I mean, you're settling in that you can't fly at the moment.I mean, you're settling in that you can't fly at the moment.23:22
  297. You're settling in that you need to go to bed every night.You're settling in that you need to go to bed every night.23:26
  298. I mean, dude, there's things that I've been with my wife for 14 years.I mean, dude, there's things that I've been with my wife for 14 years.23:29
  299. There's things about her that still drive me fucking crazy.There's things about her that still drive me fucking crazy.23:31
  300. And she's like Latina, right?And she's like Latina, right?23:34
  301. Oh yeah.Oh yeah.23:37
  302. Yeah.Yeah.23:38
  303. So that kind of comes as part of the course.So that kind of comes as part of the course.23:38
  304. It's par for every course, but it's the Latina.It's par for every course, but it's the Latina.23:41
  305. The Latina versions are just much more dramatic and very loud with lots of tears.The Latina versions are just much more dramatic and very loud with lots of tears.23:43
  306. It's a spicy version.It's a spicy version.23:51
  307. It's the exactly.It's the exactly.23:53
  308. But there's things about me that she can't stand.But there's things about me that she can't stand.23:55
  309. But it's like you just accept at a certain point.But it's like you just accept at a certain point.23:58
  310. You're like, okay, the good vastly outweighs the bad and you go with it.You're like, okay, the good vastly outweighs the bad and you go with it.24:01
  311. And I think the reason that posted so well is when you are meeting people, when you are dating people, there's this whole kind of like iceberg under the waterAnd I think the reason that posted so well is when you are meeting people, when you are dating people, there's this whole kind of like iceberg under the water24:04
  312. of traits and characteristics and personality and connections and relationships that you're not really aware of that they're there.of traits and characteristics and personality and connections and relationships that you're not really aware of that they're there.24:22
  313. But that's actually going to be the majority of the relationship.But that's actually going to be the majority of the relationship.24:32
  314. And really, most people are kind of just going on vibes, you know, when they're when they're dating somebody.And really, most people are kind of just going on vibes, you know, when they're when they're dating somebody.24:35
  315. And so I just think it's helpful to be like explicitly conscious about it and understand like, okay, if her mother is crazy, like, and you want to marry her,And so I just think it's helpful to be like explicitly conscious about it and understand like, okay, if her mother is crazy, like, and you want to marry her,24:43
  316. like you're going to have a crazy mother -in -law for 40 years.like you're going to have a crazy mother -in -law for 40 years.24:53
  317. Lock in for some crazy.Lock in for some crazy.24:56
  318. Exactly.Exactly.24:57
  319. Like it's just put it on the plate because it's part of the course.Like it's just put it on the plate because it's part of the course.24:57
  320. You can't you can't only it's not a buffet.You can't you can't only it's not a buffet.25:01
  321. You don't just take the items you want.You don't just take the items you want.25:04
  322. You got to take it's the whole prefix menu.You got to take it's the whole prefix menu.25:05
  323. You know the original name for this podcast was going to be what's it crushing a Tuesday.You know the original name for this podcast was going to be what's it crushing a Tuesday.25:08
  324. The reason for that glad that I didn't do it.The reason for that glad that I didn't do it.25:13
  325. Another one was mind and matter and another one was brain and brawn.Another one was mind and matter and another one was brain and brawn.25:16
  326. And it was they were horrible.And it was they were horrible.25:21
  327. Modern wisdom was divine inspiration.Modern wisdom was divine inspiration.25:23
  328. They came to me at three in the morning.They came to me at three in the morning.25:24
  329. Yeah, much better.Yeah, much better.25:25
  330. Thank you.Thank you.25:27
  331. First thing Tuesday is not bad.First thing Tuesday is not bad.25:27
  332. Crushing a Tuesday was taken from a Tim Ferriss podcast.Crushing a Tuesday was taken from a Tim Ferriss podcast.25:29
  333. Okay.Okay.25:31
  334. And what he said was most people try to optimize their lives around peak experiences.And what he said was most people try to optimize their lives around peak experiences.25:32
  335. But your life is made up of average Tuesdays.But your life is made up of average Tuesdays.25:37
  336. Yeah.Yeah.25:40
  337. And your goal should be to make your average Tuesdays enjoyable as possible.And your goal should be to make your average Tuesdays enjoyable as possible.25:40
  338. Yeah.Yeah.25:44
  339. And that's what you're talking about here that what people look at is the amazing sex or the fascinating conversation.And that's what you're talking about here that what people look at is the amazing sex or the fascinating conversation.25:44
  340. They don't realize what is this person like normally?They don't realize what is this person like normally?25:53
  341. What is the middle of their bell curve of just how they operate?What is the middle of their bell curve of just how they operate?25:59
  342. What do they do with the most frequent interaction between them and reality?What do they do with the most frequent interaction between them and reality?26:03
  343. What do they do with their diet?What do they do with their diet?26:11
  344. That's pretty important.That's pretty important.26:12
  345. What do they do with their sleep pattern?What do they do with their sleep pattern?26:13
  346. That's pretty important.That's pretty important.26:15
  347. These are structural things.These are structural things.26:15
  348. How do they deal with discomfort?How do they deal with discomfort?26:17
  349. How do they deal with things when they're hard?How do they deal with things when they're hard?26:18
  350. How do they deal when they're dysregulated?How do they deal when they're dysregulated?26:19
  351. It's their family like.It's their family like.26:21
  352. What are their timelines like?What are their timelines like?26:23
  353. You know, your timelines in the same moving in the same direction.You know, your timelines in the same moving in the same direction.26:25
  354. And that is what what's the relationship with money like that is what you are signing up for.And that is what what's the relationship with money like that is what you are signing up for.26:28
  355. Right.Right.26:34
  356. And that line love does not cancel out people's flaws.And that line love does not cancel out people's flaws.26:34
  357. In fact, it just makes you tolerate it for longer, which is what's deranging to a lot of people that they get into a relationship with somebody who isn't rightIn fact, it just makes you tolerate it for longer, which is what's deranging to a lot of people that they get into a relationship with somebody who isn't right26:38
  358. for them or isn't good for them.for them or isn't good for them.26:46
  359. And the capacity of their love, the intensity of their love just allows them to stay in something which isn't right for even longer.And the capacity of their love, the intensity of their love just allows them to stay in something which isn't right for even longer.26:48
  360. Yeah.Yeah.26:57
  361. And I think that people often feel guilty about having optimized for romantic chemistry.And I think that people often feel guilty about having optimized for romantic chemistry.26:58
  362. When what they should have been optimizing for is is to say evening with this person enjoyable.When what they should have been optimizing for is is to say evening with this person enjoyable.27:04
  363. Right.Right.27:10
  364. And it's easy to optimize for that romantic chemistry because that's what you're flooded with when you meet somebody you really like.And it's easy to optimize for that romantic chemistry because that's what you're flooded with when you meet somebody you really like.27:11
  365. So that's what you're going to be biased towards.So that's what you're going to be biased towards.27:17
  366. And I should add, so it's funny because I think I've posted a couple variations of this post over the years and every time there's always like a couple angryAnd I should add, so it's funny because I think I've posted a couple variations of this post over the years and every time there's always like a couple angry27:19
  367. people in the comments who are like this is unrealistic.people in the comments who are like this is unrealistic.27:32
  368. You shouldn't expect somebody to satisfy all these things for you.You shouldn't expect somebody to satisfy all these things for you.27:36
  369. And the point of this isn't that you have to go find somebody who has a mother that you like and who's like good with the opposite of that.And the point of this isn't that you have to go find somebody who has a mother that you like and who's like good with the opposite of that.27:39
  370. Yeah.Yeah.27:46
  371. No, it's like it's you have to find somebody that you're willing to tolerate all of those things.No, it's like it's you have to find somebody that you're willing to tolerate all of those things.27:47
  372. Right.Right.27:52
  373. So it's not, they're not trying to hit a ceiling.So it's not, they're not trying to hit a ceiling.27:52
  374. Like you're just trying to find somebody who like nothing falls below your floor.Like you're just trying to find somebody who like nothing falls below your floor.27:56
  375. And it's also, I think a lot of it, there are a couple other facets of this.And it's also, I think a lot of it, there are a couple other facets of this.28:00
  376. I think one is understanding that what you, what are you particularly well equipped to handle?I think one is understanding that what you, what are you particularly well equipped to handle?28:05
  377. So for example, my wife's Brazilian.So for example, my wife's Brazilian.28:13
  378. She has a lot of feelings.She has a lot of feelings.28:16
  379. And I'm just like very even keeled pretty much all the time.And I'm just like very even keeled pretty much all the time.28:19
  380. It really takes a lot for me to get worked up about anything.It really takes a lot for me to get worked up about anything.28:24
  381. Like I'm the guy who doesn't give a fuck.Like I'm the guy who doesn't give a fuck.28:28
  382. So it actually works extremely well.So it actually works extremely well.28:30
  383. Like I can handle a lot of emotions.Like I can handle a lot of emotions.28:33
  384. It doesn't really freak me out.It doesn't really freak me out.28:34
  385. I don't like get sucked into drama easily.I don't like get sucked into drama easily.28:36
  386. So there's like a certain amount of self knowledge of understanding this is the type of partner that I'm probably well suited for because my strength kind of resonates wellSo there's like a certain amount of self knowledge of understanding this is the type of partner that I'm probably well suited for because my strength kind of resonates well28:39
  387. with their weakness or vice versa.with their weakness or vice versa.28:52
  388. Whereas like my, you know, I have a very, very like strong need for intellectual stimulation.Whereas like my, you know, I have a very, very like strong need for intellectual stimulation.28:54
  389. I get bored extremely easily.I get bored extremely easily.29:04
  390. And back when I was single, like I dated a lot of really cool girls, but who just like weren't super smart or curious.And back when I was single, like I dated a lot of really cool girls, but who just like weren't super smart or curious.29:06
  391. And I was bored within minutes and some of them were smoking hot.And I was bored within minutes and some of them were smoking hot.29:12
  392. Some of them were awesome in bed.Some of them were awesome in bed.29:17
  393. And I remember sitting there being like, I can't believe I'm going to break up with this girl.And I remember sitting there being like, I can't believe I'm going to break up with this girl.29:19
  394. Like she's, what am I doing?Like she's, what am I doing?29:22
  395. But I was bored.But I was bored.29:24
  396. I got nothing to talk to you about.I got nothing to talk to you about.29:25
  397. Yeah, I was bored out of my mind.Yeah, I was bored out of my mind.29:26
  398. Your first date with your now wife was, you met in a nightclub and within 30 minutes we're talking about Russian literature.Your first date with your now wife was, you met in a nightclub and within 30 minutes we're talking about Russian literature.29:27
  399. Russian grammar.Russian grammar.29:35
  400. Russian grammar.Russian grammar.29:36
  401. That's it.That's it.29:37
  402. You know, I told you about this last time that my best piece of advice for sort of the intellectual bros or the intellectually inclined bros when they're single isYou know, I told you about this last time that my best piece of advice for sort of the intellectual bros or the intellectually inclined bros when they're single is29:38
  403. to speed run sending weird psychology articles to the girls that you're talking to and to just see who comes back.to speed run sending weird psychology articles to the girls that you're talking to and to just see who comes back.29:47
  404. It's like an intellectual shit test.It's like an intellectual shit test.29:55
  405. And you're not looking for the smart ones.And you're not looking for the smart ones.29:56
  406. You're looking for the ones that engage.You're looking for the ones that engage.29:57
  407. Oh, that's cool.Oh, that's cool.29:59
  408. Never heard of that before.Never heard of that before.30:00
  409. Like let's talk about that the next time we get on the phone or the next time we go for dinner.Like let's talk about that the next time we get on the phone or the next time we go for dinner.30:01
  410. Even if they don't know anything about it.Even if they don't know anything about it.30:04
  411. Like that's not what it's about.Like that's not what it's about.30:06
  412. Okay, can I, is this person interested?Okay, can I, is this person interested?30:07
  413. They're going to engage with me.They're going to engage with me.30:09
  414. So yeah, I think it's funny.So yeah, I think it's funny.30:10
  415. Rory Sutherland's got this idea.Rory Sutherland's got this idea.30:14
  416. He says you should have an air fryer girlfriend, not a fee at 500 girlfriend.He says you should have an air fryer girlfriend, not a fee at 500 girlfriend.30:16
  417. And what he means by that is you want to find somebody who only you can see the value in in a way that other people can't and who haveAnd what he means by that is you want to find somebody who only you can see the value in in a way that other people can't and who have30:20
  418. disadvantages that only you can tolerate in a way that other people can't.disadvantages that only you can tolerate in a way that other people can't.30:32
  419. So if you have an air fry, for instance, it's going to stank up the kitchen.So if you have an air fry, for instance, it's going to stank up the kitchen.30:37
  420. If you're sensitive to smells, it's going to be a bad thing to have in your house.If you're sensitive to smells, it's going to be a bad thing to have in your house.30:41
  421. Or else you're going to have to put it out on the balcony or in the garage or something like that.Or else you're going to have to put it out on the balcony or in the garage or something like that.30:44
  422. And that's a bit of a nightmare to you.And that's a bit of a nightmare to you.30:47
  423. Not that bothered about smells.Not that bothered about smells.30:49
  424. You can have your entire life's calories go through one machine.You can have your entire life's calories go through one machine.30:50
  425. He uses the example that he doesn't mind noise when he goes to sleep.He uses the example that he doesn't mind noise when he goes to sleep.30:55
  426. He's a fan of trains and he likes beer.He's a fan of trains and he likes beer.31:02
  427. So he lived in a house that was next to a pub with a garden that backs onto a railway line.So he lived in a house that was next to a pub with a garden that backs onto a railway line.31:05
  428. Because he quite likes the trains.Because he quite likes the trains.31:10
  429. They're actually actively enjoyable for him to see going by.They're actually actively enjoyable for him to see going by.31:12
  430. He doesn't mind that much about the noise from them or from the beer garden.He doesn't mind that much about the noise from them or from the beer garden.31:16
  431. And he's made good friends to the landlord of the pub.And he's made good friends to the landlord of the pub.31:19
  432. And it means that he can order a beer by leaning over his fence and asking for it.And it means that he can order a beer by leaning over his fence and asking for it.31:21
  433. And he can enjoy the atmosphere of the pub from the comfort of his own home.And he can enjoy the atmosphere of the pub from the comfort of his own home.31:26
  434. What he's done is he's been able to get a house.What he's done is he's been able to get a house.31:31
  435. I think it's his cottage that's somewhere in the British countryside.I think it's his cottage that's somewhere in the British countryside.31:35
  436. He's been able to get that at a price that most other people would still think was too much despite the fact that it's discounted.He's been able to get that at a price that most other people would still think was too much despite the fact that it's discounted.31:37
  437. Because there are certain inconveniences and challenges that he is particularly well equipped to put up with that other people would struggle with.Because there are certain inconveniences and challenges that he is particularly well equipped to put up with that other people would struggle with.31:45
  438. And the same thing is true when it comes to choosing a partner.And the same thing is true when it comes to choosing a partner.31:54
  439. Can we dig into this a little bit?Can we dig into this a little bit?31:56
  440. Because I feel like...Because I feel like...31:58
  441. I'll let you know how that goes over with my wife.I'll let you know how that goes over with my wife.32:02
  442. I'm going to go home after I said it.I'm going to go home after I said it.32:04
  443. Darling, darling, I...Darling, darling, I...32:06
  444. You're my air fryer.You're my air fryer.32:07
  445. You're my air fryer wife.You're my air fryer wife.32:08
  446. I can cook everything in here.I can cook everything in here.32:09
  447. Yeah, well, yeah, that's...Yeah, well, yeah, that's...32:11
  448. I mean, she is Brazilian, so they're highly fertile.I mean, she is Brazilian, so they're highly fertile.32:13
  449. Yes.Yes.32:15
  450. But it's...But it's...32:17
  451. And especially, you come more from this optimization world than I do.And especially, you come more from this optimization world than I do.32:19
  452. But the personalization of optimization...But the personalization of optimization...32:23
  453. This is the thing that always bug me about a lot of the optimization content out there.This is the thing that always bug me about a lot of the optimization content out there.32:30
  454. Because it's everybody's so different in terms of what they want and who they are and what they're predisposed to.Because it's everybody's so different in terms of what they want and who they are and what they're predisposed to.32:34
  455. And I think the same way some people are more predisposed to certain athletic activities or certain physical activities than others, we're all predisposed to certain psychological environments and certainAnd I think the same way some people are more predisposed to certain athletic activities or certain physical activities than others, we're all predisposed to certain psychological environments and certain32:41
  456. types of relationships than other people.types of relationships than other people.32:54
  457. And I just...And I just...32:57
  458. It drives me crazy that there's no accounting for that often.It drives me crazy that there's no accounting for that often.32:58
  459. There's no discussion of how it's...There's no discussion of how it's...33:02
  460. Yeah, living next to a train track where you can order a beer over a fence is like that might actually be optimal for one person's life.Yeah, living next to a train track where you can order a beer over a fence is like that might actually be optimal for one person's life.33:06
  461. Whereas you would never see that like broadcasts on health and fitness.Whereas you would never see that like broadcasts on health and fitness.33:14
  462. This is the optimal way that you should get your house.This is the optimal way that you should get your house.33:20
  463. Look at all of the advantages.Look at all of the advantages.33:23
  464. Well, we know that those advantages are so niche that it only addresses a very small cohort of people.Well, we know that those advantages are so niche that it only addresses a very small cohort of people.33:25
  465. But the assumption here is all optimization advice is optimizing for...But the assumption here is all optimization advice is optimizing for...33:30
  466. For the general.For the general.33:36
  467. Exactly.Exactly.33:36
  468. You know that study about they tried to engineer fighter pilot seats inside of US fighter jets and new US fighter jet.You know that study about they tried to engineer fighter pilot seats inside of US fighter jets and new US fighter jet.33:37
  469. They took all of the fighter pilots and averaged their body dimensions so that they could design the seat that was the average of them all.They took all of the fighter pilots and averaged their body dimensions so that they could design the seat that was the average of them all.33:46
  470. And it fitted zero pilots.And it fitted zero pilots.33:53
  471. There's no such thing as average.There's no such thing as average.33:55
  472. There is no such thing.There is no such thing.33:57
  473. The average person literally doesn't exist.The average person literally doesn't exist.33:58
  474. They're an aggregate of everything.They're an aggregate of everything.34:00
  475. But I mean, let's say for instance, that you had a distribution of people on a graph that looked like a pair of boobs.But I mean, let's say for instance, that you had a distribution of people on a graph that looked like a pair of boobs.34:01
  476. So you have sort of two there.So you have sort of two there.34:07
  477. Where's the average?Where's the average?34:09
  478. It's actually at a point where maybe nobody is.It's actually at a point where maybe nobody is.34:11
  479. This is the problem with doing it.This is the problem with doing it.34:14
  480. And I understand that sweeping generalizations about advice is something that I've always stood away from when I can.And I understand that sweeping generalizations about advice is something that I've always stood away from when I can.34:15
  481. And it's been massively to the detriment of my credibility.And it's been massively to the detriment of my credibility.34:23
  482. I don't know the things that are massively to the detriment of my credibility as well.I don't know the things that are massively to the detriment of my credibility as well.34:28
  483. But one of the reasons is people love certainty.But one of the reasons is people love certainty.34:32
  484. They love absolutes.They love absolutes.34:36
  485. They love certainty.They love certainty.34:37
  486. And this goes back to the fact that uncertainty is very difficult to deal with.And this goes back to the fact that uncertainty is very difficult to deal with.34:38
  487. If I listen to someone who says, well, we know, we know that this is the case.If I listen to someone who says, well, we know, we know that this is the case.34:42
  488. We know what Israel is doing.We know what Israel is doing.34:47
  489. We know how much protein you should have today.We know how much protein you should have today.34:49
  490. We know what the best sleep formula is.We know what the best sleep formula is.34:51
  491. You're well, fucking hell.You're well, fucking hell.34:54
  492. Like I don't need to worry anymore.Like I don't need to worry anymore.34:55
  493. All the chaos of the world, all of the different directions that things could have gone in.All the chaos of the world, all of the different directions that things could have gone in.34:57
  494. I don't need to wrangle with that.I don't need to wrangle with that.35:02
  495. And it's way less sexy to say, well, it's directionally correct that it seems to be the case.And it's way less sexy to say, well, it's directionally correct that it seems to be the case.35:04
  496. In most circumstances, I would estimate that it is good to, it's way less sexy, but it's much more accurate for people.In most circumstances, I would estimate that it is good to, it's way less sexy, but it's much more accurate for people.35:13
  497. If you're the sort of person, and this is why for the whole podcast, and I see this all the time, when people get pissy about some piece of adviceIf you're the sort of person, and this is why for the whole podcast, and I see this all the time, when people get pissy about some piece of advice35:21
  498. that's been put forward, especially when it's been caveated, well, the outlier actually, I think you'll find, it's like, hey, dude, if this is not for you, that's fine.that's been put forward, especially when it's been caveated, well, the outlier actually, I think you'll find, it's like, hey, dude, if this is not for you, that's fine.35:28
  499. But your ability to discern doesn't mean, what you should say is that's not for me.But your ability to discern doesn't mean, what you should say is that's not for me.35:38
  500. Ha, I wonder if it is for anybody else.Ha, I wonder if it is for anybody else.35:44
  501. Can you imagine if that piece of advice is for somebody else?Can you imagine if that piece of advice is for somebody else?35:46
  502. And if so, then like, shut the fuck up.And if so, then like, shut the fuck up.35:49
  503. This piece of content that isn't for you found you, or this piece of advice that isn't for you found you, your first port of call should be, wow, IThis piece of content that isn't for you found you, or this piece of advice that isn't for you found you, your first port of call should be, wow, I35:54
  504. wonder if that actually exists for anybody.wonder if that actually exists for anybody.36:01
  505. Fuck, I actually can imagine somebody that it would be good for that's in my life for, huh, how varied are we as humans?Fuck, I actually can imagine somebody that it would be good for that's in my life for, huh, how varied are we as humans?36:03
  506. That that's the case.That that's the case.36:10
  507. Isn't that interesting?Isn't that interesting?36:11
  508. The flip side of that, there's a flip side version of that, that I see a lot that I, that actually concerns me even more, which is that people willThe flip side of that, there's a flip side version of that, that I see a lot that I, that actually concerns me even more, which is that people will36:12
  509. hear a piece of, general piece of advice.hear a piece of, general piece of advice.36:21
  510. They will try it on themselves.They will try it on themselves.36:25
  511. It won't work.It won't work.36:27
  512. And instead of coming to the conclusion of like, oh, there's just something different about me, and I need to adjust accordingly, they assume that there's something wrong.And instead of coming to the conclusion of like, oh, there's just something different about me, and I need to adjust accordingly, they assume that there's something wrong.36:28
  513. And the advice?And the advice?36:36
  514. No, with them.No, with them.36:37
  515. Oh, okay.Oh, okay.36:38
  516. They're like, the advice is the gold standard, right?They're like, the advice is the gold standard, right?36:39
  517. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.36:42
  518. Because it came from, you know, Mr.Because it came from, you know, Mr.36:42
  519. Guru or Mr.Guru or Mr.36:44
  520. Super PhD.Super PhD.36:45
  521. And, but it's not working for them.And, but it's not working for them.36:47
  522. So therefore, they must be doing something wrong.So therefore, they must be doing something wrong.36:49
  523. They must be something's wrong with them.They must be something's wrong with them.36:51
  524. And so they need to like, go find an even more detailed protocol and implement it even more strictly.And so they need to like, go find an even more detailed protocol and implement it even more strictly.36:54
  525. And you see them kind of get into this, like OCD spiral.And you see them kind of get into this, like OCD spiral.36:59
  526. Overoptimization spiral.Overoptimization spiral.37:03
  527. Yeah, yeah, yeah.Yeah, yeah, yeah.37:05
  528. The pain of trying to be perfect will kill you more quickly than your imperfections will.The pain of trying to be perfect will kill you more quickly than your imperfections will.37:05
  529. The one thing that I remind my listeners on my show of all the time is that like, the best, most credible piece of advice in psychology, like if youThe one thing that I remind my listeners on my show of all the time is that like, the best, most credible piece of advice in psychology, like if you37:11
  530. look at all the literature in terms of every intervention imaginable, every intervention imaginable, and like what its hit rate is, it's like, maybe 50%.look at all the literature in terms of every intervention imaginable, every intervention imaginable, and like what its hit rate is, it's like, maybe 50%.37:21
  531. You know, like the very best forms of therapy with a really good therapist, it's like, maybe cracks over 50%.You know, like the very best forms of therapy with a really good therapist, it's like, maybe cracks over 50%.37:33
  532. So it's none of this stuff is going to work for everybody all the time.So it's none of this stuff is going to work for everybody all the time.37:41
  533. And in fact, you should expect that roughly half of it is not going to work for you at best, at best.And in fact, you should expect that roughly half of it is not going to work for you at best, at best.37:45
  534. And so it is your responsibility to try everything, track what's working, what's not, be honest with yourself about what's working, what's not, and then like move forward accordingly.And so it is your responsibility to try everything, track what's working, what's not, be honest with yourself about what's working, what's not, and then like move forward accordingly.37:50
  535. Before we continue, most people in their 30s are still training hard.Before we continue, most people in their 30s are still training hard.38:02
  536. Their protein is dialed in, they sleep better than they did in their 20s.Their protein is dialed in, they sleep better than they did in their 20s.38:05
  537. Discipline is not the issue, but recovery feels somewhat different.Discipline is not the issue, but recovery feels somewhat different.38:08
  538. Strength gains take a little longer.Strength gains take a little longer.38:13
  539. The margin for error starts to shrink.The margin for error starts to shrink.38:15
  540. And that is why I'm such a huge fan of timeline.And that is why I'm such a huge fan of timeline.38:18
  541. You see, mitochondria are the energy producers inside of your muscle cells, as they weaken with age, your ability to generate power and recover effectively changes, even if your habitsYou see, mitochondria are the energy producers inside of your muscle cells, as they weaken with age, your ability to generate power and recover effectively changes, even if your habits38:20
  542. stay strong.stay strong.38:31
  543. Mito pura from timeline contains the only clinically validated form of urethralin A used in human trials.Mito pura from timeline contains the only clinically validated form of urethralin A used in human trials.38:32
  544. It promotes mitophagy, which is your body's natural process for clearing out damaged mitochondria and renewing healthy ones.It promotes mitophagy, which is your body's natural process for clearing out damaged mitochondria and renewing healthy ones.38:38
  545. In studies, this supported mitochondrial function and muscle strength in older adults.In studies, this supported mitochondrial function and muscle strength in older adults.38:43
  546. It's not about pushing harder, it's about actually supporting the cellular machinery underneath your training.It's not about pushing harder, it's about actually supporting the cellular machinery underneath your training.38:49
  547. If you care about staying strong into your 30s, 40s and 50s and beyond, this is foundational.If you care about staying strong into your 30s, 40s and 50s and beyond, this is foundational.38:53
  548. Best of all, there is a 30 day money back guarantee plus free shipping in the US and they ship internationally.Best of all, there is a 30 day money back guarantee plus free shipping in the US and they ship internationally.38:59
  549. And right now you can get up to 20 % off by going to the link in the description below or heading to timeline .com slash modern wisdom and usingAnd right now you can get up to 20 % off by going to the link in the description below or heading to timeline .com slash modern wisdom and using39:04
  550. the code modern wisdom at checkout.the code modern wisdom at checkout.39:11
  551. That's timeline .com slash modern wisdom and modern wisdom at checkout.That's timeline .com slash modern wisdom and modern wisdom at checkout.39:13
  552. Nobody owes you patience just because you've had a rough upbringing or a hard day.Nobody owes you patience just because you've had a rough upbringing or a hard day.39:18
  553. Life doesn't hand out pity passes.Life doesn't hand out pity passes.39:22
  554. Use your pain as fuel, not a crutch.Use your pain as fuel, not a crutch.39:25
  555. You don't build psychological resilience by feeling good all the time.You don't build psychological resilience by feeling good all the time.39:27
  556. You build psychological resilience by getting better at feeling bad.You build psychological resilience by getting better at feeling bad.39:31
  557. That is definitely posted in 2025 or 2026 because that's the sort of thing that you could not post between like 2016 and 2022.That is definitely posted in 2025 or 2026 because that's the sort of thing that you could not post between like 2016 and 2022.39:36
  558. It would have gotten me canceled.It would have gotten me canceled.39:48
  559. All sorts of proclamations about white male privilege or whatnot.All sorts of proclamations about white male privilege or whatnot.39:51
  560. I mean, it's difficult because there are genuine victims in the world and there are people who have genuinely suffered lots of shit that is not fair and not theirI mean, it's difficult because there are genuine victims in the world and there are people who have genuinely suffered lots of shit that is not fair and not their39:56
  561. fault.fault.40:19
  562. And those people deserve sympathy.And those people deserve sympathy.40:20
  563. But they don't deserve, they don't necessarily deserve anything more than that.But they don't deserve, they don't necessarily deserve anything more than that.40:26
  564. And I think we're kind of coming out of this period, but we went through a very intense period where there was a lot of entitlement associated with, like IAnd I think we're kind of coming out of this period, but we went through a very intense period where there was a lot of entitlement associated with, like I40:32
  565. think in one of my books I called it the victimhood Olympics.think in one of my books I called it the victimhood Olympics.40:45
  566. And you see this now with a lot of super lefty groups.And you see this now with a lot of super lefty groups.40:48
  567. It's like, well, I am an abused indigenous person of color who grew up with three legs.It's like, well, I am an abused indigenous person of color who grew up with three legs.40:53
  568. And then it's like the next person is like, well, as a person who grew up with one leg and is an abused transsexual indigenous person, my voice actually carriesAnd then it's like the next person is like, well, as a person who grew up with one leg and is an abused transsexual indigenous person, my voice actually carries41:00
  569. more weight than yours.more weight than yours.41:10
  570. And I've got gluten intolerance.And I've got gluten intolerance.41:11
  571. Yeah.Yeah.41:12
  572. And at a certain point it's like, who fucking cares?And at a certain point it's like, who fucking cares?41:13
  573. Like what are you going to do?Like what are you going to do?41:17
  574. Correct.Correct.41:18
  575. Right?Right?41:19
  576. Like what, you can't just sit around measuring your pain every day as if it's like, you know, it earns you merit badges.Like what, you can't just sit around measuring your pain every day as if it's like, you know, it earns you merit badges.41:19
  577. I've had to pull this up.I've had to pull this up.41:31
  578. This is one of the best takes.This is one of the best takes.41:32
  579. So Alex Homozzi got in trouble for saying this, the same thing.So Alex Homozzi got in trouble for saying this, the same thing.41:34
  580. Nobody owes you patience just because you've had a rough day or a hard upbringing.Nobody owes you patience just because you've had a rough day or a hard upbringing.41:37
  581. And he wrote a response, this is fucking money by him.And he wrote a response, this is fucking money by him.41:41
  582. If you had disadvantages, I agree with you.If you had disadvantages, I agree with you.41:46
  583. You are right.You are right.41:48
  584. It's harder to be successful if X happened to you.It's harder to be successful if X happened to you.41:49
  585. Replace X with gender, race, birth deformity, different language, different country, abuse, et cetera.Replace X with gender, race, birth deformity, different language, different country, abuse, et cetera.41:52
  586. The main point of the longer conversation is that despite the disadvantage, you only have one choice.The main point of the longer conversation is that despite the disadvantage, you only have one choice.41:58
  587. What are you going to do about it?What are you going to do about it?42:05
  588. Number one, take action anyway and become proof to other people like you, your people.Number one, take action anyway and become proof to other people like you, your people.42:06
  589. Also born into this abused tragedy that you too can overcome it and they can as well.Also born into this abused tragedy that you too can overcome it and they can as well.42:12
  590. Number two, blame and complain.Number two, blame and complain.42:20
  591. And to be clear, do whatever you want.And to be clear, do whatever you want.42:22
  592. I support your choice, but only one of those decisions will make you better.I support your choice, but only one of those decisions will make you better.42:25
  593. And I wish I could say this without getting attacked, but you know who wins by you not being successful, whoever and whatever you blame.And I wish I could say this without getting attacked, but you know who wins by you not being successful, whoever and whatever you blame.42:29
  594. Fuck that and fuck them.Fuck that and fuck them.42:36
  595. You can lead a rebellion of one and blame the one thing you can control, which is you.You can lead a rebellion of one and blame the one thing you can control, which is you.42:38
  596. In your mind, redefine the word blame as give power to.In your mind, redefine the word blame as give power to.42:45
  597. And when you do that, there's only one person you're going to want to give more power to and that's you.And when you do that, there's only one person you're going to want to give more power to and that's you.42:49
  598. For everyone who had shitty circumstances, I'm on your side, your long -term side, the side that wants you to win.For everyone who had shitty circumstances, I'm on your side, your long -term side, the side that wants you to win.42:54
  599. So do it anyway with all the disadvantages and still tell them to shove it and win.So do it anyway with all the disadvantages and still tell them to shove it and win.43:01
  600. I want to be clear again.I want to be clear again.43:07
  601. If you had tough shit happen to you, it sucks and that's not your fault.If you had tough shit happen to you, it sucks and that's not your fault.43:10
  602. But now what?But now what?43:13
  603. Why do we go?Why do we go?43:15
  604. Is it crazy how many caveats and like, you know, throat clearing land acknowledgments?Is it crazy how many caveats and like, you know, throat clearing land acknowledgments?43:16
  605. Dude, I got in.Dude, I got in.43:24
  606. I continue to fucking get in trouble by saying things that to some people doesn't land right and to other people becomes a mantra that they live by.I continue to fucking get in trouble by saying things that to some people doesn't land right and to other people becomes a mantra that they live by.43:24
  607. And yeah, I understand because creating any goal to aim for and degree of obligation can make people who feel like that's out of reach for a reason that isn'tAnd yeah, I understand because creating any goal to aim for and degree of obligation can make people who feel like that's out of reach for a reason that isn't43:34
  608. their fault feel like they are being made to pay twice for something that hurt them.their fault feel like they are being made to pay twice for something that hurt them.43:52
  609. And that fucking blows.And that fucking blows.43:58
  610. But it also makes communication really clunky and I hate it.But it also makes communication really clunky and I hate it.44:01
  611. It's so over and over and it's such a shallow form of empathy as well.It's so over and over and it's such a shallow form of empathy as well.44:04
  612. To assume that the only way that you can be caring is if you think about the middle 90 % minus the two fives on the end that are obviouslyTo assume that the only way that you can be caring is if you think about the middle 90 % minus the two fives on the end that are obviously44:13
  613. unrealistic for you to have thought about, you have to include all of these people as opposed to, hey, I'm speaking to a very specific cohort of people now.unrealistic for you to have thought about, you have to include all of these people as opposed to, hey, I'm speaking to a very specific cohort of people now.44:23
  614. Yeah, I would argue the empathy is actually completely disingenuous because it's right.Yeah, I would argue the empathy is actually completely disingenuous because it's right.44:32
  615. Like if I'm empathizing with somebody strictly because of their the color of their skin and their gender and their sexual orientation, like that's exactly what they don't want toLike if I'm empathizing with somebody strictly because of their the color of their skin and their gender and their sexual orientation, like that's exactly what they don't want to44:38
  616. be empathized for.be empathized for.44:50
  617. So it's backfiring, like the whole strategy is backfiring in the first place.So it's backfiring, like the whole strategy is backfiring in the first place.44:51
  618. We were talking before I did my show in Australia and to the people who came to the Sydney show, you will remember that James came out swinging when heWe were talking before I did my show in Australia and to the people who came to the Sydney show, you will remember that James came out swinging when he44:58
  619. did his warm -up set before me and he made a comment partway through which was, I hate to say it, but I'm racist and I'm racist against a verydid his warm -up set before me and he made a comment partway through which was, I hate to say it, but I'm racist and I'm racist against a very45:06
  620. unique group of people and it's Italians.unique group of people and it's Italians.45:14
  621. He says, I know that I'm racist against Italians because I love the food but I still don't like the people and there was a lady partway through the showHe says, I know that I'm racist against Italians because I love the food but I still don't like the people and there was a lady partway through the show45:17
  622. who piped up and said that I was made to basically do the apology for James, piped up and said, I really think that you need to be more carefulwho piped up and said that I was made to basically do the apology for James, piped up and said, I really think that you need to be more careful45:26
  623. about some of the sort of judgments that are being made in the show.about some of the sort of judgments that are being made in the show.45:37
  624. I'd make a joke and James had made a joke and she's like, you know, this is sort of making people uncomfortable and it's exclusionary and all the rest ofI'd make a joke and James had made a joke and she's like, you know, this is sort of making people uncomfortable and it's exclusionary and all the rest of45:41
  625. it.it.45:47
  626. It was one of those moments where I'm like, fuck, there's like 2 ,499 other people in here looking at me to see if I can handle this situation.It was one of those moments where I'm like, fuck, there's like 2 ,499 other people in here looking at me to see if I can handle this situation.45:48
  627. And I realized that true equality is when you have to put up with the same level of shit that everybody else does.And I realized that true equality is when you have to put up with the same level of shit that everybody else does.45:56
  628. If you want to be properly, properly included, the most inclusive society, it's to not be treated with kid gloves.If you want to be properly, properly included, the most inclusive society, it's to not be treated with kid gloves.46:05
  629. If you told me that somebody was treating me differently because they thought that I couldn't handle it or something, that is a kind of bigotry and patronizing cotton woolIf you told me that somebody was treating me differently because they thought that I couldn't handle it or something, that is a kind of bigotry and patronizing cotton wool46:14
  630. gentleness that would make me feel so fucking icky.gentleness that would make me feel so fucking icky.46:26
  631. You're like, oh my god, you are not my friend.You're like, oh my god, you are not my friend.46:30
  632. You are not my friend.You are not my friend.46:33
  633. Yet, does that mean that you push the person who's only just started training at the same level that you push the person that's a professional athlete?Yet, does that mean that you push the person who's only just started training at the same level that you push the person that's a professional athlete?46:34
  634. Obviously not.Obviously not.46:41
  635. But when it comes to including people in discourse, I think that, yeah, true equality is when you put up with the same level of shit that everybody else does.But when it comes to including people in discourse, I think that, yeah, true equality is when you put up with the same level of shit that everybody else does.46:42
  636. That's funny in Australia, man.That's funny in Australia, man.46:53
  637. I'm just remembering, I did a show a couple of years ago in Brisbane and I had this bit in the show.I'm just remembering, I did a show a couple of years ago in Brisbane and I had this bit in the show.46:56
  638. I was talking about Freud.I was talking about Freud.47:03
  639. Do they do this in your shows out there?Do they do this in your shows out there?47:05
  640. So Australia is this thing where they have the sign language person on stage.So Australia is this thing where they have the sign language person on stage.47:07
  641. Signing for everything?Signing for everything?47:11
  642. Did they have one for you?Did they have one for you?47:12
  643. Yeah.Yeah.47:13
  644. Okay.Okay.47:14
  645. Do you have many deaf fans in Australia?Do you have many deaf fans in Australia?47:15
  646. Brisbane?Brisbane?47:17
  647. I don't know.I don't know.47:18
  648. I never hear from them.I never hear from them.47:19
  649. Fuck me.Fuck me.47:24
  650. You walked right in.You walked right in.47:26
  651. Yeah.Yeah.47:28
  652. So every show, yeah, I had a, there was a guy on stage on the corner of the stage, like doing all the signs or everything.So every show, yeah, I had a, there was a guy on stage on the corner of the stage, like doing all the signs or everything.47:28
  653. So I implemented a segment of the show when I had a whole section about Freud and some of Freud's like wackier theories.So I implemented a segment of the show when I had a whole section about Freud and some of Freud's like wackier theories.47:34
  654. And I had a segment where I talked about how Freud had an obsession with dicks, moms, moms with dicks, fucking moms with dicks.And I had a segment where I talked about how Freud had an obsession with dicks, moms, moms with dicks, fucking moms with dicks.47:43
  655. And I just like went on and on and then like I would like make the person sign everything.And I just like went on and on and then like I would like make the person sign everything.47:51
  656. What does Freud's obsession with fucking moms with dicks in sign language look like?What does Freud's obsession with fucking moms with dicks in sign language look like?47:56
  657. I don't know.I don't know.48:01
  658. But it was just so funny to like watch the signer just get so uncomfortable.But it was just so funny to like watch the signer just get so uncomfortable.48:02
  659. Wonderful.Wonderful.48:07
  660. Yeah.Yeah.48:08
  661. It was a great crowd moment, but there was one time in Brisbane where in the Q &A afterward, a woman got up and basically started chastising me for transphobiaIt was a great crowd moment, but there was one time in Brisbane where in the Q &A afterward, a woman got up and basically started chastising me for transphobia48:08
  662. and lecturing me about how I had like a moral responsibility and as a, because of the Mums with Dicks thing?and lecturing me about how I had like a moral responsibility and as a, because of the Mums with Dicks thing?48:18
  663. Yeah.Yeah.48:25
  664. Okay.Okay.48:26
  665. Right.Right.48:26
  666. Because I have a platform and all this stuff.Because I have a platform and all this stuff.48:27
  667. And it was interesting because the crowd just instantly started booing her.And it was interesting because the crowd just instantly started booing her.48:29
  668. And, but it was funny because like I tried to use it as kind of a teaching moment.And, but it was funny because like I tried to use it as kind of a teaching moment.48:35
  669. And I said something very similar to you, which is like, look, if you, it's not a quality if we can't laugh about it.And I said something very similar to you, which is like, look, if you, it's not a quality if we can't laugh about it.48:42
  670. Right?Right?48:49
  671. Like if, as long as something is so like, it can't even be spoken of because it is needs to be, it's so fragile and it needs to be protectedLike if, as long as something is so like, it can't even be spoken of because it is needs to be, it's so fragile and it needs to be protected48:50
  672. to like such an extreme extent.to like such an extreme extent.49:01
  673. That's, that's not a quality.That's, that's not a quality.49:05
  674. That's actually kind of the opposite of equality in a lot of ways.That's actually kind of the opposite of equality in a lot of ways.49:06
  675. I don't know if I convinced anybody of anything, but it was, it was a fun moment.I don't know if I convinced anybody of anything, but it was, it was a fun moment.49:12
  676. Well, suddenly the deaf people got convinced.Well, suddenly the deaf people got convinced.49:17
  677. Yeah.Yeah.49:19
  678. Jimmy Carr's got a line where he says, telling me that there is a problem too serious to joke about is like saying there's a disease too bad to createJimmy Carr's got a line where he says, telling me that there is a problem too serious to joke about is like saying there's a disease too bad to create49:21
  679. medicine for.medicine for.49:30
  680. Yeah.Yeah.49:31
  681. You go like, this is the salve that helps people to see this problem with less seriousness.You go like, this is the salve that helps people to see this problem with less seriousness.49:32
  682. It's not being callous.It's not being callous.49:37
  683. It's not being flippant with it, but it's helping them.It's not being flippant with it, but it's helping them.49:38
  684. If anybody has ever had a problem that's felt really important to them, have they wanted to take it more seriously?If anybody has ever had a problem that's felt really important to them, have they wanted to take it more seriously?49:42
  685. Or would they like to be able to find a way to actually inject some?Or would they like to be able to find a way to actually inject some?49:49
  686. Yeah, like that is, isn't that like, isn't that funny?Yeah, like that is, isn't that like, isn't that funny?49:53
  687. Humor, it's therapeutic.Humor, it's therapeutic.49:56
  688. It's funny actually that Jimmy Carr quote, it reminds me.It's funny actually that Jimmy Carr quote, it reminds me.49:57
  689. So my, my grandmother, she died of a brain tumor when I was probably 14, 15.So my, my grandmother, she died of a brain tumor when I was probably 14, 15.50:01
  690. And it was, it was one of these like awful cancers.And it was, it was one of these like awful cancers.50:08
  691. Like she died very slowly.Like she died very slowly.50:10
  692. Oh, slow, slow.Oh, slow, slow.50:13
  693. Yeah.Yeah.50:15
  694. Over the course of like, you know, probably eight or 12 months and we just watched her deteriorate like week after week after week.Over the course of like, you know, probably eight or 12 months and we just watched her deteriorate like week after week after week.50:15
  695. And it was awful.And it was awful.50:23
  696. Like we, we would spend every weekend with her and we'd go see her.Like we, we would spend every weekend with her and we'd go see her.50:25
  697. And my grandmother had a great sense of humor.And my grandmother had a great sense of humor.50:29
  698. And so she started cracking jokes about, she like named her tumor and she was like cracking jokes about her tumor all the time.And so she started cracking jokes about, she like named her tumor and she was like cracking jokes about her tumor all the time.50:31
  699. And when it got really bad, like it started to get awkward, you know, so she's like, she can't walk anymore.And when it got really bad, like it started to get awkward, you know, so she's like, she can't walk anymore.50:37
  700. She's like, her, she's having memory problems, but she's still cracking jokes about the fucking tumor.She's like, her, she's having memory problems, but she's still cracking jokes about the fucking tumor.50:43
  701. And at a certain point, like my aunt got really upset and she was like, you know, she was like, Maureen, like you can't joke about this.And at a certain point, like my aunt got really upset and she was like, you know, she was like, Maureen, like you can't joke about this.50:50
  702. Like this is, this is really upset, like it's upsetting.Like this is, this is really upset, like it's upsetting.50:59
  703. And I remember my grandmother said, she was like, there's nothing so serious in this life that you can't laugh about it.And I remember my grandmother said, she was like, there's nothing so serious in this life that you can't laugh about it.51:02
  704. And she was like, it's my tumor.And she was like, it's my tumor.51:08
  705. I'm gonna, I'm gonna laugh at it if I want to.I'm gonna, I'm gonna laugh at it if I want to.51:10
  706. She's like, I'll make any joke I want about it.She's like, I'll make any joke I want about it.51:12
  707. But that always stuck with me.But that always stuck with me.51:14
  708. And it's something that like, I believe very deeply as well.And it's something that like, I believe very deeply as well.51:15
  709. Yeah, it's a strange one that, that there was a recent bit of research in the new statesman that just came out about the attitudes of young women specifically inYeah, it's a strange one that, that there was a recent bit of research in the new statesman that just came out about the attitudes of young women specifically in51:18
  710. Britain.Britain.51:27
  711. And white women are significantly more likely than women of color to say that the country's racist.And white women are significantly more likely than women of color to say that the country's racist.51:27
  712. So it's like, how, how?So it's like, how, how?51:36
  713. Because, because there is this.Because, because there is this.51:39
  714. I mean, I know how, but it's just like, how did we get here?I mean, I know how, but it's just like, how did we get here?51:41
  715. I know.I know.51:43
  716. Well, it goes back to, it goes back to the desire to be seen as empathetic.Well, it goes back to, it goes back to the desire to be seen as empathetic.51:44
  717. Yes.Yes.51:48
  718. But if you can show yourself as some kind of savior, some sort of white knight that's going to steam in.But if you can show yourself as some kind of savior, some sort of white knight that's going to steam in.51:48
  719. But again, in that is so much, it's such a patronizing perspective to say, oh, you poor, you poor people of color, you poor deaf people, you're not able to,But again, in that is so much, it's such a patronizing perspective to say, oh, you poor, you poor people of color, you poor deaf people, you're not able to,51:54
  720. you're so unre resilient that you can't deal with this yourself.you're so unre resilient that you can't deal with this yourself.52:07
  721. Allow me, allow me to come in and tell these people exactly what you want.Allow me, allow me to come in and tell these people exactly what you want.52:10
  722. You got, hang on a second.You got, hang on a second.52:16
  723. Notice that the person that piped up about the joke James made about Italians wasn't Italian.Notice that the person that piped up about the joke James made about Italians wasn't Italian.52:18
  724. Of course.Of course.52:22
  725. Of course she wasn't.Of course she wasn't.52:24
  726. I mean, I don't know, Chris, I think you're kind of minimizing the epidemic of transphobic deaf people in Australia.I mean, I don't know, Chris, I think you're kind of minimizing the epidemic of transphobic deaf people in Australia.52:26
  727. It is, it is a real problem.It is, it is a real problem.52:33
  728. And you're not taking it seriously.And you're not taking it seriously.52:36
  729. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.52:38
  730. Check your privilege.Check your privilege.52:39
  731. That is true.That is true.52:40
  732. That is true.That is true.52:40
  733. I am British, which I do think means that I've kind of got, how do you say?I am British, which I do think means that I've kind of got, how do you say?52:41
  734. I've got ancestral empire privilege, but modern day embarrassment, disadvantage.I've got ancestral empire privilege, but modern day embarrassment, disadvantage.52:47
  735. You know, I just, if you had invested in the UK, if the UK was a stock, it was like fucking Herbalife or something.You know, I just, if you had invested in the UK, if the UK was a stock, it was like fucking Herbalife or something.52:55
  736. This thing's just absolutely nosedived.This thing's just absolutely nosedived.53:02
  737. You had to have seen that recent survey where they surveyed British people of economically, what if the UK was a state in the US where they would be andYou had to have seen that recent survey where they surveyed British people of economically, what if the UK was a state in the US where they would be and53:05
  738. the Brits said they'd be like number six or number seven and it's like, actually it's 51.the Brits said they'd be like number six or number seven and it's like, actually it's 51.53:15
  739. Although, well like fifth in America in, or like number one in America in heart health, number one in America in obesity, number one in America in all of theAlthough, well like fifth in America in, or like number one in America in heart health, number one in America in obesity, number one in America in all of the53:23
  740. health stats.health stats.53:32
  741. That's a low bar.That's a low bar.53:32
  742. That's true.That's true.53:34
  743. Across all of America, there's not even one state, you know?Across all of America, there's not even one state, you know?53:35
  744. It's like those, when it comes to health, like, yeah, we're completely fucked over here.It's like those, when it comes to health, like, yeah, we're completely fucked over here.53:39
  745. All right, next one.All right, next one.53:44
  746. A quick aside, most people think that they're dehydrated because they don't drink enough water.A quick aside, most people think that they're dehydrated because they don't drink enough water.53:45
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  763. If you have to explain to somebody why you deserve respect, then you're already in the wrong relationship, full stop.If you have to explain to somebody why you deserve respect, then you're already in the wrong relationship, full stop.54:52
  764. People don't realize that you shouldn't have to ask someone to prioritize you.People don't realize that you shouldn't have to ask someone to prioritize you.54:58
  765. You shouldn't have to beg them to be proud of you.You shouldn't have to beg them to be proud of you.55:02
  766. If their efforts have to be requested, then it's not really effort.If their efforts have to be requested, then it's not really effort.55:04
  767. It's like compliance and compliance fades the second you stop asking.It's like compliance and compliance fades the second you stop asking.55:08
  768. So really, it's just a performance.So really, it's just a performance.55:12
  769. They're just doing it to placate you and keep you satisfied and stop you from complaining.They're just doing it to placate you and keep you satisfied and stop you from complaining.55:15
  770. The right person will treat you well because that's who they are.The right person will treat you well because that's who they are.55:20
  771. They just fundamentally care about you regardless of how other things are going.They just fundamentally care about you regardless of how other things are going.55:23
  772. Not because you gave them a checklist or a deadline, but because you are just somebody that they value.Not because you gave them a checklist or a deadline, but because you are just somebody that they value.55:27
  773. So if you feel like you have to train someone to just be a decent partner for you, they've already kind of told you everything you need to know.So if you feel like you have to train someone to just be a decent partner for you, they've already kind of told you everything you need to know.55:33
  774. You probably just don't want to hear it.You probably just don't want to hear it.55:42
  775. I'm going to amend that because that works great.I'm going to amend that because that works great.55:45
  776. That's probably one of my reels on Instagram or something, but I'm going to amend that.That's probably one of my reels on Instagram or something, but I'm going to amend that.55:50
  777. I'm going to say that that is true in the macro, not necessarily true in the micro.I'm going to say that that is true in the macro, not necessarily true in the micro.55:56
  778. Let me explain this.Let me explain this.56:03
  779. So if somebody is egregiously disrespectful consistently, like you are constantly fighting for them to even acknowledge you, pay attention to you, care about you, do anything, that in andSo if somebody is egregiously disrespectful consistently, like you are constantly fighting for them to even acknowledge you, pay attention to you, care about you, do anything, that in and56:05
  780. of itself is unfixable to a certain degree.of itself is unfixable to a certain degree.56:20
  781. Because if there are certain just base layer requirements for a healthy relationship, that the fact you request them means that they are non -transactional by nature.Because if there are certain just base layer requirements for a healthy relationship, that the fact you request them means that they are non -transactional by nature.56:25
  782. So as soon as you request them, it becomes a transaction.So as soon as you request them, it becomes a transaction.56:41
  783. And so you invalidate whatever is given.And so you invalidate whatever is given.56:44
  784. So if it is on a severity of scale that there's just nothing present at all, the nuance that I will add to that is that there are often casesSo if it is on a severity of scale that there's just nothing present at all, the nuance that I will add to that is that there are often cases56:48
  785. within a relationship that is already well established on trust where somebody is just dropping the ball and is not showing up in the way that even they would intendwithin a relationship that is already well established on trust where somebody is just dropping the ball and is not showing up in the way that even they would intend56:59
  786. to show up.to show up.57:16
  787. Not acknowledging certain things, maybe has a blind spot around something, maybe is going through something.Not acknowledging certain things, maybe has a blind spot around something, maybe is going through something.57:17
  788. Has some difficulties going on in their lives.Has some difficulties going on in their lives.57:24
  789. So it's one of those cases where it's like I think it is margin, like on the margins, it is not only normal, but it's healthy to ask, like saySo it's one of those cases where it's like I think it is margin, like on the margins, it is not only normal, but it's healthy to ask, like say57:26
  790. like, hey, I'm kind of feeling unacknowledged or unappreciated in our relationship right now.like, hey, I'm kind of feeling unacknowledged or unappreciated in our relationship right now.57:38
  791. Can we work on this?Can we work on this?57:44
  792. Can you help me out here?Can you help me out here?57:46
  793. It'd be nice if you did this or did that or showed up to my birthday party or whatever.It'd be nice if you did this or did that or showed up to my birthday party or whatever.57:48
  794. But if it is on such a macro scale that you are asking for it to exist in the first place, then there's nothing there.But if it is on such a macro scale that you are asking for it to exist in the first place, then there's nothing there.57:55
  795. And I think the reason this resonated so much is because there's so many people out there who are, they confuse that macro problem with the micro problem.And I think the reason this resonated so much is because there's so many people out there who are, they confuse that macro problem with the micro problem.58:03
  796. Correct.Correct.58:18
  797. So they're in a relationship with somebody who's like gives zero shits, is not showing up for anything, is not acknowledging anything.So they're in a relationship with somebody who's like gives zero shits, is not showing up for anything, is not acknowledging anything.58:19
  798. And in their head, it's actually just a marginal issue of like, hey, it'd be nice if you like answered my phone sometimes.And in their head, it's actually just a marginal issue of like, hey, it'd be nice if you like answered my phone sometimes.58:26
  799. So anyway, that's some nuance to apply to that.So anyway, that's some nuance to apply to that.58:37
  800. There's a difference between telling somebody that they should think of you and explaining what your love language is.There's a difference between telling somebody that they should think of you and explaining what your love language is.58:41
  801. Exactly.Exactly.58:48
  802. Right.Right.58:49
  803. There's a difference between asking somebody to show up and explaining how you would like them to show up.There's a difference between asking somebody to show up and explaining how you would like them to show up.58:50
  804. Correct.Correct.58:56
  805. This person is applying effort.This person is applying effort.58:57
  806. They're being thoughtful.They're being thoughtful.58:58
  807. They're considering me.They're considering me.58:59
  808. They're just maybe doing it in a different sort of a way than it would maybe be optimal.They're just maybe doing it in a different sort of a way than it would maybe be optimal.59:01
  809. Yeah.Yeah.59:07
  810. Versus this person just isn't considering me or the imbalance of consideration is so great.Versus this person just isn't considering me or the imbalance of consideration is so great.59:07
  811. And also you said when there's been an established level of trust, right, that you kind of know what this relationship has in store typically, right?And also you said when there's been an established level of trust, right, that you kind of know what this relationship has in store typically, right?59:14
  812. What if it's never shown up?What if it's never shown up?59:23
  813. What if this has never actually been there?What if this has never actually been there?59:25
  814. And the only reason it is there is if you kind of constantly, you're constantly refuelling this gas tank with requests and beratement and compulsion, I'm going to keep draggingAnd the only reason it is there is if you kind of constantly, you're constantly refuelling this gas tank with requests and beratement and compulsion, I'm going to keep dragging59:28
  815. you to do this thing to think about me to reply in a timely manner.you to do this thing to think about me to reply in a timely manner.59:43
  816. I'm going to keep on reminding you that this is something that's important, full stop.I'm going to keep on reminding you that this is something that's important, full stop.59:47
  817. And after a while, if you've done it a lot, either in the macro or to be honest, enough micros makes a macro in any case, you just have toAnd after a while, if you've done it a lot, either in the macro or to be honest, enough micros makes a macro in any case, you just have to59:52
  818. admit to yourself, you go, this is just incompatibility.admit to yourself, you go, this is just incompatibility.59:59
  819. If you have to make so many bids and this person after a while is just going to feel like, well, who are you in a relationship with?If you have to make so many bids and this person after a while is just going to feel like, well, who are you in a relationship with?60:04
  820. Because I'm showing up as me, you have to assume that people for the most part are showing up as themselves.Because I'm showing up as me, you have to assume that people for the most part are showing up as themselves.60:11
  821. And the goal should be to find somebody that you need to instruct and train as little as possible.And the goal should be to find somebody that you need to instruct and train as little as possible.60:17
  822. Because some people have a big tank of growth, some people have a small tank of growth, but regardless of how big or small the tank is, if you startBecause some people have a big tank of growth, some people have a small tank of growth, but regardless of how big or small the tank is, if you start60:25
  823. really close to the destination, you don't need to drive as far.really close to the destination, you don't need to drive as far.60:32
  824. And then let's say that someone's able to grow a lot, then you can both grow together and become better than you ever were before.And then let's say that someone's able to grow a lot, then you can both grow together and become better than you ever were before.60:36
  825. But if almost all of your time, you want to go to bed at two in the morning, because you love going out partying, and your Mrs wants to goBut if almost all of your time, you want to go to bed at two in the morning, because you love going out partying, and your Mrs wants to go60:41
  826. to bed at 9pm because she likes an early night.to bed at 9pm because she likes an early night.60:47
  827. In order for that relationship to work, both people are going to have to compromise on the thing that they want.In order for that relationship to work, both people are going to have to compromise on the thing that they want.60:50
  828. Now, maybe that would expose you to some really important routines that might make your health better.Now, maybe that would expose you to some really important routines that might make your health better.60:55
  829. And maybe that would expose her to some really exciting nights that she wouldn't have had otherwise, and it'll be really enjoyable.And maybe that would expose her to some really exciting nights that she wouldn't have had otherwise, and it'll be really enjoyable.61:02
  830. But also, maybe you might be better off with someone that you can party with until two in the morning and not have to compromise, and she'll be better offBut also, maybe you might be better off with someone that you can party with until two in the morning and not have to compromise, and she'll be better off61:07
  831. with someone that wants to watch Peaky Blinders at 8pm and then fall asleep.with someone that wants to watch Peaky Blinders at 8pm and then fall asleep.61:14
  832. And that is kind of what you're looking for overall.And that is kind of what you're looking for overall.61:17
  833. How is this kind of compatibility in our incompatibilities complementary as opposed to competitive, friction inducing?How is this kind of compatibility in our incompatibilities complementary as opposed to competitive, friction inducing?61:21
  834. I think there's a component of intention here as well, where there is a compatibility dimension to it, where you're just two completely different people and you're not well suitedI think there's a component of intention here as well, where there is a compatibility dimension to it, where you're just two completely different people and you're not well suited61:31
  835. for each other.for each other.61:44
  836. And I think really what that post was like, I think what it was kind of poking at, is that sometimes you just have a partner who is not prioritizingAnd I think really what that post was like, I think what it was kind of poking at, is that sometimes you just have a partner who is not prioritizing61:47
  837. the relationship.the relationship.61:57
  838. So if you go to them and you're like, hey, I need to be acknowledged, I need to feel special, I need like it'd be nice if you cared more.So if you go to them and you're like, hey, I need to be acknowledged, I need to feel special, I need like it'd be nice if you cared more.62:00
  839. The issue isn't that they're not returning your calls, that they're not showing up for your after work thing or whatever.The issue isn't that they're not returning your calls, that they're not showing up for your after work thing or whatever.62:06
  840. The issue is that they don't care.The issue is that they don't care.62:16
  841. It's not a priority for them, and you can't change somebody's priorities.It's not a priority for them, and you can't change somebody's priorities.62:18
  842. I would say too, there's a certain amount of like, but if there is kind of a bedrock of trust, if there is kind of an overall compatibility, there isI would say too, there's a certain amount of like, but if there is kind of a bedrock of trust, if there is kind of an overall compatibility, there is62:24
  843. still this like maintenance process that happens over the years.still this like maintenance process that happens over the years.62:35
  844. Like a simple example from my life, I'm like a hopeless workaholic, and I go through these cycles where the women bust, yes, I kind of get like ramped upLike a simple example from my life, I'm like a hopeless workaholic, and I go through these cycles where the women bust, yes, I kind of get like ramped up62:40
  845. and my wife is super patient and supportive.and my wife is super patient and supportive.62:51
  846. But I'd say every three or four years, we hit a breaking point where she's like, all right, dude, you've got to take a Sunday off or we have toBut I'd say every three or four years, we hit a breaking point where she's like, all right, dude, you've got to take a Sunday off or we have to62:57
  847. go on a vacation.go on a vacation.63:06
  848. I want to hang out with you.I want to hang out with you.63:07
  849. Yeah, exactly.Yeah, exactly.63:07
  850. She's like, I feel ignored.She's like, I feel ignored.63:08
  851. I feel like I never see you anymore.I feel like I never see you anymore.63:10
  852. I feel like you're working all the time.I feel like you're working all the time.63:12
  853. You're always tired.You're always tired.63:13
  854. You come home.You come home.63:14
  855. You don't want to talk because you've been shooting all day, all this stuff.You don't want to talk because you've been shooting all day, all this stuff.63:14
  856. And she's 100 % right.And she's 100 % right.63:19
  857. And so I'm like, oh yeah, I should back off because I'm like, but it's, she's also not just doing it for herself.And so I'm like, oh yeah, I should back off because I'm like, but it's, she's also not just doing it for herself.63:21
  858. She's doing it because it's like, it's for my sake.She's doing it because it's like, it's for my sake.63:28
  859. She's like an external conscience for you.She's like an external conscience for you.63:31
  860. She's augmenting your life as opposed to working against it.She's augmenting your life as opposed to working against it.63:33
  861. Yes.Yes.63:36
  862. Yeah.Yeah.63:37
  863. I mean, that's such a good point that if you're not being prioritized, Stan Tatkin has got this wonderful audio bug and he refuses to come on the podcast.I mean, that's such a good point that if you're not being prioritized, Stan Tatkin has got this wonderful audio bug and he refuses to come on the podcast.63:37
  864. She's very sad to me, but he's got still got the best relationship book that I've ever consumed.She's very sad to me, but he's got still got the best relationship book that I've ever consumed.63:45
  865. And it's only available on audio.And it's only available on audio.63:52
  866. And it's called Your Brain Unlove, Stan Tatkin.And it's called Your Brain Unlove, Stan Tatkin.63:54
  867. Fucking brilliant.Fucking brilliant.63:56
  868. In it, he says all the relationship is is a set of agreements, typically a set of agreements about how you'll behave.In it, he says all the relationship is is a set of agreements, typically a set of agreements about how you'll behave.63:58
  869. It says the first agreement that every relationship needs to have is the relationship comes first for everything else.It says the first agreement that every relationship needs to have is the relationship comes first for everything else.64:04
  870. And I think if you are in a relationship, especially after a while, where that agreement is met by one party, but not by the other, you just need toAnd I think if you are in a relationship, especially after a while, where that agreement is met by one party, but not by the other, you just need to64:11
  871. accept that this is going to be a high friction environment, specifically for the person who is more invested, but also for the one who isn't.accept that this is going to be a high friction environment, specifically for the person who is more invested, but also for the one who isn't.64:22
  872. They're going to feel like they're being pressured and pulled along.They're going to feel like they're being pressured and pulled along.64:31
  873. And if you want to be in a relationship with somebody who prioritizes you at the same level that you prioritize that, like leave that person to go and beAnd if you want to be in a relationship with somebody who prioritizes you at the same level that you prioritize that, like leave that person to go and be64:34
  874. with someone for whom the relationship is their fourth priority.with someone for whom the relationship is their fourth priority.64:43
  875. And they may be happy or they may end up realizing that, oh, fuck, I actually wanted to be in a relationship with someone.And they may be happy or they may end up realizing that, oh, fuck, I actually wanted to be in a relationship with someone.64:46
  876. The reason that this relationship was so good for me is that I felt prioritized.The reason that this relationship was so good for me is that I felt prioritized.64:53
  877. And now that I no longer am, because I wasn't doing it reciprocally, that fucking sucks.And now that I no longer am, because I wasn't doing it reciprocally, that fucking sucks.64:56
  878. But yeah, if you're not being thought of, and here's the other thing, like some people aren't choosing to not do that.But yeah, if you're not being thought of, and here's the other thing, like some people aren't choosing to not do that.65:03
  879. Some people simply don't have the time.Some people simply don't have the time.65:10
  880. Their lifestyle and their current setup is not accommodating of the level of attention that you need.Their lifestyle and their current setup is not accommodating of the level of attention that you need.65:13
  881. You go, also, fine, just because they're not choosing to do it of a variety of other options, because they're currently in med school, and this is just all they'veYou go, also, fine, just because they're not choosing to do it of a variety of other options, because they're currently in med school, and this is just all they've65:20
  882. got to do, or they're training for this big thing, and they can't spare any time because their ultramarathon is coming up, and they need to make this happen becausegot to do, or they're training for this big thing, and they can't spare any time because their ultramarathon is coming up, and they need to make this happen because65:30
  883. it's real important to them.it's real important to them.65:35
  884. That's also a choice.That's also a choice.65:37
  885. That's also a choice by them.That's also a choice by them.65:38
  886. And you can go and choose someone who chooses you, as opposed to choose someone who's choosing something else.And you can go and choose someone who chooses you, as opposed to choose someone who's choosing something else.65:40
  887. I would add emotional capacity to that.I would add emotional capacity to that.65:45
  888. And I think, so the agreement thing is great.And I think, so the agreement thing is great.65:49
  889. I've not read that book.I've not read that book.65:52
  890. I should read that book.I should read that book.65:53
  891. Fucking money.Fucking money.65:54
  892. Just hold on that.Just hold on that.65:55
  893. The reason it's so good, and I wonder why the more people are going to do this.The reason it's so good, and I wonder why the more people are going to do this.65:57
  894. He's obviously a super wizard expert of his area of expertise.He's obviously a super wizard expert of his area of expertise.66:01
  895. I don't think that he wrote it.I don't think that he wrote it.66:06
  896. I think that he just had bullet points, and he reads it like a lecture, and he speaks like this.I think that he just had bullet points, and he reads it like a lecture, and he speaks like this.66:08
  897. One of the things that we need to realise when we're talking about it, it's so listenable.One of the things that we need to realise when we're talking about it, it's so listenable.66:14
  898. And what it's made me realise is listening to most audiobooks that are scripted performances of what was meant to be written, and meant to be read in written form,And what it's made me realise is listening to most audiobooks that are scripted performances of what was meant to be written, and meant to be read in written form,66:19
  899. are actually to be horribly unlistenable, compared with someone who is allowing themselves to just play with the language a little more.are actually to be horribly unlistenable, compared with someone who is allowing themselves to just play with the language a little more.66:34
  900. And what I would wonder is when people do audiobooks moving forward, I don't know how many authors already do this, I'm sure some do.And what I would wonder is when people do audiobooks moving forward, I don't know how many authors already do this, I'm sure some do.66:43
  901. But what if you allowed yourself to add a sentence in here or there?But what if you allowed yourself to add a sentence in here or there?66:50
  902. Authors seem to be almost prisoners of their own work when presenting it in a medium that that wasn't meant for.Authors seem to be almost prisoners of their own work when presenting it in a medium that that wasn't meant for.66:56
  903. You go, hey, maybe add some stuff in.You go, hey, maybe add some stuff in.67:02
  904. Allow yourself to have a pause.Allow yourself to have a pause.67:06
  905. It is the goal to represent the book in its most sterile form.It is the goal to represent the book in its most sterile form.67:08
  906. It's the exact presentation of this thing.It's the exact presentation of this thing.67:15
  907. Because pretty soon, some company, Chatchapiti or whatever, will just allow you to record five minutes of you speaking and then pitch perfect, get you to say the book.Because pretty soon, some company, Chatchapiti or whatever, will just allow you to record five minutes of you speaking and then pitch perfect, get you to say the book.67:18
  908. So what's the reason for hopefully it's so that you can add some emotion, you can ham it up, dramaturgically, you can add a little bit in.So what's the reason for hopefully it's so that you can add some emotion, you can ham it up, dramaturgically, you can add a little bit in.67:30
  909. So I wonder whether I know that I would appreciate that as a listener of audiobooks.So I wonder whether I know that I would appreciate that as a listener of audiobooks.67:37
  910. I would appreciate it if authors, like, hey, you get an extra half paragraph here that's just me to stay.I would appreciate it if authors, like, hey, you get an extra half paragraph here that's just me to stay.67:41
  911. I really thought this is an important idea.I really thought this is an important idea.67:48
  912. Maybe your audiobook.Maybe your audiobook.67:50
  913. Break ground.Break ground.67:53
  914. Yeah, that's true.Yeah, that's true.67:54
  915. I mean, I'm going to be out of a job in a variety of different places, even in jobs that I haven't yet started by currently.I mean, I'm going to be out of a job in a variety of different places, even in jobs that I haven't yet started by currently.67:55
  916. I want to come back to the agreement because this actually ties into the friction and the sacrifice thing as well.I want to come back to the agreement because this actually ties into the friction and the sacrifice thing as well.68:02
  917. It's like that agreement because I think one thing I've seen a lot is that people think they have a partner who is in on that agreement, but it's actuallyIt's like that agreement because I think one thing I've seen a lot is that people think they have a partner who is in on that agreement, but it's actually68:09
  918. not.not.68:18
  919. And it can actually be difficult to accurately detect if you are being prioritized or not.And it can actually be difficult to accurately detect if you are being prioritized or not.68:18
  920. And I would say the way to accurately perceive whether you're being prioritized or whether you're actually prioritizing the person is how much is each person in the relationship puttingAnd I would say the way to accurately perceive whether you're being prioritized or whether you're actually prioritizing the person is how much is each person in the relationship putting68:25
  921. the other person first when they have nothing to gain from it?the other person first when they have nothing to gain from it?68:40
  922. I think where people get mixed up a lot is they have somebody who's really into them who's like love bombing them, giving them tons of attention and affection, isI think where people get mixed up a lot is they have somebody who's really into them who's like love bombing them, giving them tons of attention and affection, is68:44
  923. excited all the time to see them, but they're also getting something out of the situation.excited all the time to see them, but they're also getting something out of the situation.68:53
  924. And so they falsely perceive it to be like, oh, they're in on this agreement with me.And so they falsely perceive it to be like, oh, they're in on this agreement with me.68:58
  925. And then a couple years go by conditions on the ground change and suddenly that person is withdrawing.And then a couple years go by conditions on the ground change and suddenly that person is withdrawing.69:03
  926. Also, how are they behaving when they're busy?Also, how are they behaving when they're busy?69:08
  927. Maybe that person was just on an off period.Maybe that person was just on an off period.69:11
  928. From work, they had a little bit of downtime and they're showing you attention in a way that maybe they were going through a hard time and they needed you,From work, they had a little bit of downtime and they're showing you attention in a way that maybe they were going through a hard time and they needed you,69:14
  929. they needed that.they needed that.69:24
  930. Or maybe you were particularly available at that moment and it was easy, but when it gets hard, that person's unable to show up in the same way because itOr maybe you were particularly available at that moment and it was easy, but when it gets hard, that person's unable to show up in the same way because it69:25
  931. was easy in the beginning.was easy in the beginning.69:35
  932. Which is why the friction is the filtration.Which is why the friction is the filtration.69:36
  933. Send them weird psychology articles telling you, send them weird psychology articles.Send them weird psychology articles telling you, send them weird psychology articles.69:40
  934. In other news, I've been in the gym for nearly two decades now and it wasn't until the past few years that I had the best training run of myIn other news, I've been in the gym for nearly two decades now and it wasn't until the past few years that I had the best training run of my69:47
  935. entire life.entire life.69:55
  936. And a huge part of that was the RP Strength app.And a huge part of that was the RP Strength app.69:56
  937. Actual scientists built this thing around one obsession, having a science backed path to maximizing muscle gain.Actual scientists built this thing around one obsession, having a science backed path to maximizing muscle gain.69:59
  938. It tells you how many sets, how many reps, the amount of weight that you need to use.It tells you how many sets, how many reps, the amount of weight that you need to use.70:05
  939. So all you have to do is show up and do the thing.So all you have to do is show up and do the thing.70:09
  940. It adjusts automatically every week based on how you're actually progressing.It adjusts automatically every week based on how you're actually progressing.70:11
  941. And there are over 45 pre -made training programs and more than 250 technique videos built in.And there are over 45 pre -made training programs and more than 250 technique videos built in.70:15
  942. So you're not just lifting, you're lifting optimally to get the most out of your workouts.So you're not just lifting, you're lifting optimally to get the most out of your workouts.70:21
  943. A lot of the time I have less than an hour to be in the gym and what I love about the RP app is that it takes that intoA lot of the time I have less than an hour to be in the gym and what I love about the RP app is that it takes that into70:24
  944. account and adjusts my workout on the fly.account and adjusts my workout on the fly.70:29
  945. So I know that I'm going to maximize how much time I've got available.So I know that I'm going to maximize how much time I've got available.70:31
  946. For me, following a proper evidence -based plan has made a huge difference.For me, following a proper evidence -based plan has made a huge difference.70:34
  947. And if you're serious about training and the gains that you want to make, I'm pretty sure that it'll do the same for you.And if you're serious about training and the gains that you want to make, I'm pretty sure that it'll do the same for you.70:39
  948. Right now, you can follow the exact same training plan that I use and get up to $50 off the RP Hypertrophy app by going to the link in theRight now, you can follow the exact same training plan that I use and get up to $50 off the RP Hypertrophy app by going to the link in the70:43
  949. description below or heading to rpstrength .com slash modernwisdom and using the code modernwisdom.description below or heading to rpstrength .com slash modernwisdom and using the code modernwisdom.70:50
  950. A checkout.A checkout.70:56
  951. That's rpstrength .com slash modernwisdom.That's rpstrength .com slash modernwisdom.70:57
  952. A modern wisdom.A modern wisdom.70:59
  953. A checkout.A checkout.71:01
  954. Beware, learning more is a smart person's favorite form of procrastination.Beware, learning more is a smart person's favorite form of procrastination.71:01
  955. Guilty.Guilty.71:06
  956. So fucking guilty.So fucking guilty.71:08
  957. I think this is, you know, learning is safe to a smart person.I think this is, you know, learning is safe to a smart person.71:12
  958. It's something they know they're good at.It's something they know they're good at.71:18
  959. It's something it feels like progress.It's something it feels like progress.71:20
  960. And it's relatively easy to convince yourself that it is going to help you do the thing when it finally comes time to do the thing.And it's relatively easy to convince yourself that it is going to help you do the thing when it finally comes time to do the thing.71:25
  961. But you and I know that's like not always the case.But you and I know that's like not always the case.71:36
  962. It's often not the case.It's often not the case.71:38
  963. And there is such a thing as cramming too much information into your brain because then you start, you know, creating obsession, perfectionism.And there is such a thing as cramming too much information into your brain because then you start, you know, creating obsession, perfectionism.71:40
  964. You actually generate anxiety where there was less before.You actually generate anxiety where there was less before.71:52
  965. So yeah, I mean, the learning as procrastination, that's just, that's like fucking bread and butter for this industry.So yeah, I mean, the learning as procrastination, that's just, that's like fucking bread and butter for this industry.71:57
  966. It's everybody struggles with that.It's everybody struggles with that.72:05
  967. Like, you know, we all like to think, well, let me, you know, let me just buy a couple more books on this.Like, you know, we all like to think, well, let me, you know, let me just buy a couple more books on this.72:07
  968. And then I'll start, then I'll figure it out, then I'll know what to do.And then I'll start, then I'll figure it out, then I'll know what to do.72:13
  969. And it's the truth is, is you need both simultaneously.And it's the truth is, is you need both simultaneously.72:17
  970. You need to learn, but you need to practice, you need to do things.You need to learn, but you need to practice, you need to do things.72:21
  971. Yeah, I think about this with people who constantly go back to couples cancelling.Yeah, I think about this with people who constantly go back to couples cancelling.72:24
  972. You know, if your relationship is held together on a bi -weekly co -journaling session to work through the difficulties of the last three days and regular therapy and CBT,You know, if your relationship is held together on a bi -weekly co -journaling session to work through the difficulties of the last three days and regular therapy and CBT,72:31
  973. you know, after a while, like this is just you putting off the fact that this thing isn't working.you know, after a while, like this is just you putting off the fact that this thing isn't working.72:46
  974. And the same thing goes for learning more as a smart person's favorite form of procrastination.And the same thing goes for learning more as a smart person's favorite form of procrastination.72:54
  975. If you keep on learning, you never actually have to engage with the fact that this thing might be too difficult for you to achieve, that you might not beIf you keep on learning, you never actually have to engage with the fact that this thing might be too difficult for you to achieve, that you might not be72:58
  976. good enough, or that you could be good enough, but it's going to take an awful lot of work.good enough, or that you could be good enough, but it's going to take an awful lot of work.73:07
  977. You're insulating yourself, right?You're insulating yourself, right?73:11
  978. You're inoculating yourself from the pain of potentially failing publicly by postponing your stepping onto the stadium floor privately.You're inoculating yourself from the pain of potentially failing publicly by postponing your stepping onto the stadium floor privately.73:13
  979. I don't need to do it.I don't need to do it.73:21
  980. And I guess, well, you bring up an interesting thing with the marriage counseling, because I would say in the personal development world, the self -help world, you could easilyAnd I guess, well, you bring up an interesting thing with the marriage counseling, because I would say in the personal development world, the self -help world, you could easily73:23
  981. replace learning with insight.replace learning with insight.73:35
  982. Insight, gaining more insight can also be a smart person's way of procrastinating.Insight, gaining more insight can also be a smart person's way of procrastinating.73:38
  983. And you see this a lot of people who sign up for a million seminars and they need, what I was thinking about, they need three, three, three, three, threeAnd you see this a lot of people who sign up for a million seminars and they need, what I was thinking about, they need three, three, three, three, three73:43
  984. coaches and I'm going to go do this like meditation retreat and ayahuasca and like, you know, over and over and over again.coaches and I'm going to go do this like meditation retreat and ayahuasca and like, you know, over and over and over again.73:50
  985. And it's a certain point, you need to digest all of the insight that you've gained.And it's a certain point, you need to digest all of the insight that you've gained.73:58
  986. And the only way you digest is by like living and doing other things.And the only way you digest is by like living and doing other things.74:03
  987. I'm curious like where, where have you procrastinated by learning more?I'm curious like where, where have you procrastinated by learning more?74:07
  988. Because I mean, clearly you like learning.Because I mean, clearly you like learning.74:12
  989. Where have I procrastinated by learning more?Where have I procrastinated by learning more?74:15
  990. Well, before I started the show, just one example.Well, before I started the show, just one example.74:18
  991. I knew I wanted to do a podcast at the start of the middle of 2017, but it took me until the February of 2018 to launch, because I wasI knew I wanted to do a podcast at the start of the middle of 2017, but it took me until the February of 2018 to launch, because I was74:22
  992. working on what's the perfect name going to be.working on what's the perfect name going to be.74:33
  993. That took like two months to come up with modern crushing and Tuesdays, brains and brawn actually.That took like two months to come up with modern crushing and Tuesdays, brains and brawn actually.74:36
  994. That was a huge part of it.That was a huge part of it.74:43
  995. Then the artwork needed to be perfect.Then the artwork needed to be perfect.74:45
  996. Then I needed to listen to Tim Ferriss's How to Start a Podcast podcast and game my way to the top of the Apple charts, which actually worked.Then I needed to listen to Tim Ferriss's How to Start a Podcast podcast and game my way to the top of the Apple charts, which actually worked.74:47
  997. So thanks, Tim.So thanks, Tim.74:54
  998. And then, you know, what's the, I'm going to start the channel, the YouTube's going to launch it the exact same time as the Apple podcast.And then, you know, what's the, I'm going to start the channel, the YouTube's going to launch it the exact same time as the Apple podcast.74:55
  999. And in some ways, I actually think that feels very justified given that that would turn into a project that was a thousand 100 episodes.And in some ways, I actually think that feels very justified given that that would turn into a project that was a thousand 100 episodes.75:02
  1000. And, you know, the URL that I registered at the very beginning of that is the same one that we use now.And, you know, the URL that I registered at the very beginning of that is the same one that we use now.75:14
  1001. All of those things are locked in.All of those things are locked in.75:21
  1002. So it's just as well that I got it right.So it's just as well that I got it right.75:23
  1003. But also you need to be able to pick your battles because you can't spend six months or many years doing that.But also you need to be able to pick your battles because you can't spend six months or many years doing that.75:25
  1004. So that's one part of it.So that's one part of it.75:31
  1005. Certainly when I was at university, I did four years on my bachelor's, which included a placement year.Certainly when I was at university, I did four years on my bachelor's, which included a placement year.75:34
  1006. And then I did a master's.And then I did a master's.75:40
  1007. I already, while I was thinking about doing the master's at the end of my bachelor's, I couldn't remember half of my bachelor's.I already, while I was thinking about doing the master's at the end of my bachelor's, I couldn't remember half of my bachelor's.75:42
  1008. I couldn't remember the stuff I was learning as I was learning it.I couldn't remember the stuff I was learning as I was learning it.75:50
  1009. And I just assumed that the next thing, because I'm like, I don't really know what to do.And I just assumed that the next thing, because I'm like, I don't really know what to do.75:52
  1010. And I'm like, more business, my choice of degree.And I'm like, more business, my choice of degree.75:56
  1011. That's perfect.That's perfect.75:59
  1012. My choice of degree.My choice of degree.76:00
  1013. Like really interested in psychology and really interested in philosophy.Like really interested in psychology and really interested in philosophy.76:01
  1014. But what I'm going to get a job as a psychologist or a philosopher.But what I'm going to get a job as a psychologist or a philosopher.76:05
  1015. That obviously those degrees useless.That obviously those degrees useless.76:09
  1016. I can't imagine how what is the most applicable degree to making money or business because business makes money.I can't imagine how what is the most applicable degree to making money or business because business makes money.76:11
  1017. So if I do business, that means I'll understand what I'm doing.So if I do business, that means I'll understand what I'm doing.76:18
  1018. I'm one of the biggest regrets of my early life is doing something that I thought would be transactionally useful instead of just doing something that I was interested in.I'm one of the biggest regrets of my early life is doing something that I thought would be transactionally useful instead of just doing something that I was interested in.76:22
  1019. Because the thing that I was interested in, it just took me a decade and a half to, I guess, like six years from leaving uni or 12 years fromBecause the thing that I was interested in, it just took me a decade and a half to, I guess, like six years from leaving uni or 12 years from76:34
  1020. starting it to make my own amateur version of that by speaking to the world experts on whatever subject I wanted, most of which are about fucking psychology and philosophy.starting it to make my own amateur version of that by speaking to the world experts on whatever subject I wanted, most of which are about fucking psychology and philosophy.76:42
  1021. So I'm like, you know, had I have gone and done the degree modern wisdom wouldn't have existed, but I wouldn't have had to wait 12 years to get started.So I'm like, you know, had I have gone and done the degree modern wisdom wouldn't have existed, but I wouldn't have had to wait 12 years to get started.76:52
  1022. You know, I don't know.You know, I don't know.76:57
  1023. Yeah.Yeah.76:59
  1024. What about you?What about you?77:00
  1025. What stands out for you?What stands out for you?77:00
  1026. Health was the big one for me.Health was the big one for me.77:03
  1027. I dude, I read every, I was the fat guy who could tell you everything about like metabolic dysfunction, insulin resistance.I dude, I read every, I was the fat guy who could tell you everything about like metabolic dysfunction, insulin resistance.77:04
  1028. Oh, you're an expert.Oh, you're an expert.77:15
  1029. Yeah.Yeah.77:16
  1030. Yeah.Yeah.77:16
  1031. I did used to be fat.I did used to be fat.77:17
  1032. I was which I'm looking at you now as a fucking slim trim 40 year old.I was which I'm looking at you now as a fucking slim trim 40 year old.77:19
  1033. Yeah.Yeah.77:24
  1034. People can believe.People can believe.77:24
  1035. Yeah.Yeah.77:26
  1036. I mean, I mean, I mean, I'm in the best health of my life, which is crazy because I spent years, I mean, I read all the blogs, I understoodI mean, I mean, I mean, I'm in the best health of my life, which is crazy because I spent years, I mean, I read all the blogs, I understood77:27
  1037. all the different workout protocols.all the different workout protocols.77:34
  1038. I did a bunch of different workout protocols.I did a bunch of different workout protocols.77:36
  1039. I didn't stick to any of them.I didn't stick to any of them.77:37
  1040. I hadn't stopped drinking.I hadn't stopped drinking.77:39
  1041. No.No.77:41
  1042. Oh, dude, didn't change a fucking thing.Oh, dude, didn't change a fucking thing.77:41
  1043. I was the pizza every day.I was the pizza every day.77:45
  1044. Whiskey every night, going to bed at three in the morning, waking up at 11 and reading books about health.Whiskey every night, going to bed at three in the morning, waking up at 11 and reading books about health.77:47
  1045. Yeah.Yeah.77:56
  1046. This specific type of calorie is going to cause inflammation and fuck up your gains as if any of it mattered.This specific type of calorie is going to cause inflammation and fuck up your gains as if any of it mattered.77:57
  1047. And yeah, eventually it just took, I just had to hire a coach and he was like, dude, just go to the gym.And yeah, eventually it just took, I just had to hire a coach and he was like, dude, just go to the gym.78:11
  1048. And I was that obnoxious client who would try to kind of debate him.And I was that obnoxious client who would try to kind of debate him.78:16
  1049. I'd be like, well, you know, I heard that like this rep scheme wasn't as effective as like, and he'd just look at me and just be like, dude, justI'd be like, well, you know, I heard that like this rep scheme wasn't as effective as like, and he'd just look at me and just be like, dude, just78:23
  1050. go to the gym.go to the gym.78:30
  1051. Like, why are we fat as fuck?Like, why are we fat as fuck?78:31
  1052. Yeah.Yeah.78:33
  1053. Why are we talking about this?Why are we talking about this?78:34
  1054. Like, just go to Brazilian girlfriend can out lift you.Like, just go to Brazilian girlfriend can out lift you.78:37
  1055. Yeah.Yeah.78:39
  1056. You're hungover.You're hungover.78:40
  1057. You ate a pizza last night.You ate a pizza last night.78:42
  1058. Like just go to the gym.Like just go to the gym.78:45
  1059. You're a mess.You're a mess.78:47
  1060. You're a mess.You're a mess.78:47
  1061. And I think this sort of the over optimization thing I think is really falling away.And I think this sort of the over optimization thing I think is really falling away.78:48
  1062. If I was to mean my friends play a game of bear or bull pretty frequently, which is just anything, pick anything, a trend in the world, an individual, aIf I was to mean my friends play a game of bear or bull pretty frequently, which is just anything, pick anything, a trend in the world, an individual, a78:52
  1063. type of fashion, a product, whatever you want, country, a culture.type of fashion, a product, whatever you want, country, a culture.79:01
  1064. What do you bullish on and what do you bearish on?What do you bullish on and what do you bearish on?79:06
  1065. What would you invest in and what would you bet against?What would you invest in and what would you bet against?79:08
  1066. And I think that over optimization, I'm heavily, heavily against at the moment.And I think that over optimization, I'm heavily, heavily against at the moment.79:12
  1067. I think people are drowning in information, they're drowning in advice.I think people are drowning in information, they're drowning in advice.79:18
  1068. And what they want is a degree of simplicity.And what they want is a degree of simplicity.79:22
  1069. And more than anything, they want connection.And more than anything, they want connection.79:26
  1070. This is the thing.This is the thing.79:28
  1071. I'm talking about the relationship stuff.I'm talking about the relationship stuff.79:30
  1072. I kind of tracked my journey of learning about relationships and it broke down into a few different epochs.I kind of tracked my journey of learning about relationships and it broke down into a few different epochs.79:31
  1073. So I guess I became interested in what was happening with mating and dating.So I guess I became interested in what was happening with mating and dating.79:39
  1074. You see these stats around sex listeners and stuff like that.You see these stats around sex listeners and stuff like that.79:44
  1075. And you think, Oh, wow, that's interesting.And you think, Oh, wow, that's interesting.79:47
  1076. I should do some research and look at Pew.I should do some research and look at Pew.79:49
  1077. You start to look at the Institute for Family Studies and you go, Oh my gosh, isn't this strange?You start to look at the Institute for Family Studies and you go, Oh my gosh, isn't this strange?79:51
  1078. And then you go, Well, I wonder what's going on.And then you go, Well, I wonder what's going on.79:55
  1079. So you start to think, Okay, well, I'm going to learn about the physics of the system, the principles that are maybe guiding some of these decisions.So you start to think, Okay, well, I'm going to learn about the physics of the system, the principles that are maybe guiding some of these decisions.79:57
  1080. And but that's still not enough.And but that's still not enough.80:07
  1081. Right.Right.80:08
  1082. And then you combine them.And then you combine them.80:08
  1083. And that's where you get to something akin to Red Pill or a more sanitized version of Red Pill, right?And that's where you get to something akin to Red Pill or a more sanitized version of Red Pill, right?80:09
  1084. Or, you know, feminism tries to do the same thing.Or, you know, feminism tries to do the same thing.80:14
  1085. And I'm going to look at mismatch.And I'm going to look at mismatch.80:16
  1086. And I'm going to work out why the current situation and ancestral programming, how they're coming together, right?And I'm going to work out why the current situation and ancestral programming, how they're coming together, right?80:19
  1087. What that's causing.What that's causing.80:26
  1088. But that's still not actually what a relationship is.But that's still not actually what a relationship is.80:27
  1089. A relationship is your nervous system interacting with someone else's.A relationship is your nervous system interacting with someone else's.80:31
  1090. Like relating has nothing to do with any of these.Like relating has nothing to do with any of these.80:35
  1091. This is, it's totally the midwit meme of like, the idiots, like just go talk to girls and like the Jedi is like, just go talk to girls.This is, it's totally the midwit meme of like, the idiots, like just go talk to girls and like the Jedi is like, just go talk to girls.80:39
  1092. Exactly.Exactly.80:45
  1093. She makes me feel good, bro.She makes me feel good, bro.80:46
  1094. She makes me feel good, bro.She makes me feel good, bro.80:48
  1095. I must ensure that my mate value is matched with hers with an optimal fertility window so that we can ensure that our children like, no, no, like, eat protein,I must ensure that my mate value is matched with hers with an optimal fertility window so that we can ensure that our children like, no, no, like, eat protein,80:50
  1096. lift weights, eat protein, lift weights.lift weights, eat protein, lift weights.80:58
  1097. Yeah.Yeah.80:59
  1098. My intra window workout window must be predigested and ensure that the no, no, no, no.My intra window workout window must be predigested and ensure that the no, no, no, no.81:00
  1099. Can I put you on the spot?Can I put you on the spot?81:05
  1100. Yeah.Yeah.81:07
  1101. So I think it was maybe two years ago.So I think it was maybe two years ago.81:07
  1102. Maybe a year.Maybe a year.81:10
  1103. No, maybe two years.No, maybe two years.81:11
  1104. There was a point like a couple of years ago, I saw you and you said that you or maybe it was one of your Q and A's.There was a point like a couple of years ago, I saw you and you said that you or maybe it was one of your Q and A's.81:12
  1105. You said that you were going to make finding a wife, starting a family, like a big priority.You said that you were going to make finding a wife, starting a family, like a big priority.81:18
  1106. Do you think you're doing this with that, like finding more insight, or do you feel like you're making headway?Do you think you're doing this with that, like finding more insight, or do you feel like you're making headway?81:26
  1107. Trying my best.Trying my best.81:35
  1108. One of the challenges there is that you can't do it solo.One of the challenges there is that you can't do it solo.81:36
  1109. Right.Right.81:38
  1110. You can put all of the time in that you want, but inherently what you have to do is have another person to dance with.You can put all of the time in that you want, but inherently what you have to do is have another person to dance with.81:40
  1111. So, certainly to a degree, I think I wanted to bring this up about a talking point that both you and Scott Galloway push, and I think that it's doneSo, certainly to a degree, I think I wanted to bring this up about a talking point that both you and Scott Galloway push, and I think that it's done81:46
  1112. in real good faith, but speaking as somebody that is the child of that, the progeny of that philosophy, I think contributes to it.in real good faith, but speaking as somebody that is the child of that, the progeny of that philosophy, I think contributes to it.81:58
  1113. And this is the single most important decision that you life will be the person that you choose to spend it with.And this is the single most important decision that you life will be the person that you choose to spend it with.82:10
  1114. And this may be an important piece of advice for many people, maybe even most people who don't think about that, who fall backward into a relationship with someone theyAnd this may be an important piece of advice for many people, maybe even most people who don't think about that, who fall backward into a relationship with someone they82:17
  1115. met when they were 24.met when they were 24.82:26
  1116. And then before they know it, they're kind of living together, but they didn't really choose it.And then before they know it, they're kind of living together, but they didn't really choose it.82:27
  1117. And they've kind of got a dog and then, guess we're engaged and fuck, we've got a kid.And they've kind of got a dog and then, guess we're engaged and fuck, we've got a kid.82:30
  1118. Do I like this person?Do I like this person?82:34
  1119. We're actually good for each other and they were too unintentional about it.We're actually good for each other and they were too unintentional about it.82:36
  1120. But on the flip side, especially as people are dating older and older now, that advice, I think, can create an awful lot of anxiety.But on the flip side, especially as people are dating older and older now, that advice, I think, can create an awful lot of anxiety.82:41
  1121. And it's meant to say treat this decision with appropriate care, because it's very influential.And it's meant to say treat this decision with appropriate care, because it's very influential.82:49
  1122. But I do think that, and I've said this too, right?But I do think that, and I've said this too, right?82:57
  1123. Because I believe it, but that when that rubber meets the road, like functionally, what that ends up being is, well, I mean, I really should spend an awful lotBecause I believe it, but that when that rubber meets the road, like functionally, what that ends up being is, well, I mean, I really should spend an awful lot82:59
  1124. more time scrutinizing this person, which is the opposite of the other one, just what the good Tuesday look like, marrying those two.more time scrutinizing this person, which is the opposite of the other one, just what the good Tuesday look like, marrying those two.83:09
  1125. And that's certainly been a challenge.And that's certainly been a challenge.83:16
  1126. There is a curse of knowledge when it comes to dating.There is a curse of knowledge when it comes to dating.83:17
  1127. And yeah, I've definitely decided to jump in at the deep end with that.And yeah, I've definitely decided to jump in at the deep end with that.83:21
  1128. Yeah, I could see that.Yeah, I could see that.83:24
  1129. It's interesting because I think it's one of those things, it's one of those talking points, the importance of choosing your partner.It's interesting because I think it's one of those things, it's one of those talking points, the importance of choosing your partner.83:25
  1130. I think it is objectively true in a vacuum.I think it is objectively true in a vacuum.83:36
  1131. I don't know how helpful it is when you're sitting across from somebody, right?I don't know how helpful it is when you're sitting across from somebody, right?83:38
  1132. Because ultimately, the majority of whoever you do end up marrying, the majority of that marriage is not going to be found.Because ultimately, the majority of whoever you do end up marrying, the majority of that marriage is not going to be found.83:44
  1133. It's going to be built over the course of the relationship.It's going to be built over the course of the relationship.83:53
  1134. And so it's almost like, and this is going to sound really trite, but it's almost like finding a business partner.And so it's almost like, and this is going to sound really trite, but it's almost like finding a business partner.83:57
  1135. You're not looking for somebody who has it figured out or has you figured out.You're not looking for somebody who has it figured out or has you figured out.84:05
  1136. It's almost just like, this is somebody I can work with.It's almost just like, this is somebody I can work with.84:09
  1137. Like, can you build with this person?Like, can you build with this person?84:12
  1138. I can build something with this person.I can build something with this person.84:13
  1139. We get along well, we fight well, which is equally as important.We get along well, we fight well, which is equally as important.84:15
  1140. They're high integrity, good character.They're high integrity, good character.84:22
  1141. We have some things in common.We have some things in common.84:25
  1142. Awesome.Awesome.84:28
  1143. Challenges make us stronger, not weaker.Challenges make us stronger, not weaker.84:28
  1144. Let's see how far we can go.Let's see how far we can go.84:30
  1145. And at a certain point, you just opt in, right?And at a certain point, you just opt in, right?84:32
  1146. It's like the...It's like the...84:35
  1147. Let's incorporate this business.Let's incorporate this business.84:36
  1148. Yeah.Yeah.84:39
  1149. And it's a one -way door.And it's a one -way door.84:39
  1150. And the fact that it is a one -way door is what keeps you guys, keeps both people fully invested to keep working on it.And the fact that it is a one -way door is what keeps you guys, keeps both people fully invested to keep working on it.84:40
  1151. Which is why situationships are so damaging to people because it's a halfway door.Which is why situationships are so damaging to people because it's a halfway door.84:48
  1152. And typically, a situation ship is a one -way door for one party and a revolving door for the other party.And typically, a situation ship is a one -way door for one party and a revolving door for the other party.84:53
  1153. Yes, pretty much.Yes, pretty much.84:59
  1154. Yeah.Yeah.85:01
  1155. All right.All right.85:02
  1156. Neediness occurs when you place a higher priority on what others think of you than what you think of yourself.Neediness occurs when you place a higher priority on what others think of you than what you think of yourself.85:02
  1157. Anytime you alter your words or behavior to fit someone else's needs rather than your own, that's needy.Anytime you alter your words or behavior to fit someone else's needs rather than your own, that's needy.85:08
  1158. Anytime you lie about your interests, hobbies, or background, that's needy.Anytime you lie about your interests, hobbies, or background, that's needy.85:13
  1159. Anytime you pursue a goal to impress others rather than fulfill yourself, that's needy.Anytime you pursue a goal to impress others rather than fulfill yourself, that's needy.85:17
  1160. Whereas most people focus on what behavior is attractive or unattractive, what determines neediness and therefore attractiveness is the why behind your behavior.Whereas most people focus on what behavior is attractive or unattractive, what determines neediness and therefore attractiveness is the why behind your behavior.85:22
  1161. You can say the coolest thing or do what everyone else does.You can say the coolest thing or do what everyone else does.85:31
  1162. But if you do it for the wrong reason, you will come off as needy and desperate and turn people off.But if you do it for the wrong reason, you will come off as needy and desperate and turn people off.85:35
  1163. Pulling out the classics.Pulling out the classics.85:41
  1164. That's an old one.That's an old one.85:42
  1165. The old hits.The old hits.85:43
  1166. That's from models.That's from models.85:43
  1167. Just going to be 15 years old this year.Just going to be 15 years old this year.85:46
  1168. Unreal.Unreal.85:48
  1169. Everyone needs to go and read it, dude.Everyone needs to go and read it, dude.85:48
  1170. Anyone that needs a new book, go and read an old book.Anyone that needs a new book, go and read an old book.85:49
  1171. And that is now an old book.And that is now an old book.85:52
  1172. It is.It is.85:54
  1173. To that and mate by Jeffrey Miller and Tucker Max at the two car garage of dating books for men.To that and mate by Jeffrey Miller and Tucker Max at the two car garage of dating books for men.85:54
  1174. That's it.That's it.86:01
  1175. And it's still relevant now.And it's still relevant now.86:01
  1176. It's mad that like, hey, a t -shirt that fits and jeans that don't have stains on them is still probably revolutionary advice for a lot of guys.It's mad that like, hey, a t -shirt that fits and jeans that don't have stains on them is still probably revolutionary advice for a lot of guys.86:02
  1177. But yeah, it's fucking, it's money.But yeah, it's fucking, it's money.86:13
  1178. But the whole thesis of that book for the people that haven't read it, neediness is unattractive.But the whole thesis of that book for the people that haven't read it, neediness is unattractive.86:15
  1179. Basically, you could summarize the whole book for men as in dating, neediness is unattractive.Basically, you could summarize the whole book for men as in dating, neediness is unattractive.86:20
  1180. It's really funny because, for people listening who don't know, I started my career as a dating coach.It's really funny because, for people listening who don't know, I started my career as a dating coach.86:26
  1181. And from like 2008 to like 2013, models came out in 2011.And from like 2008 to like 2013, models came out in 2011.86:34
  1182. But I was meeting dozens and dozens of guys in person.But I was meeting dozens and dozens of guys in person.86:40
  1183. I was taking them out to bars and clubs and helping them meet girls online and giving them advice on dates, on relationships, everything.I was taking them out to bars and clubs and helping them meet girls online and giving them advice on dates, on relationships, everything.86:44
  1184. And it was so funny because at the time it was like the whole men's dating advice space, it was super fragmented.And it was so funny because at the time it was like the whole men's dating advice space, it was super fragmented.86:53
  1185. There was almost like different classes you had to take at a college, right?There was almost like different classes you had to take at a college, right?86:59
  1186. There was like texting game and then there was like the first date that you had the master and then there was the opener that you had to like figureThere was like texting game and then there was like the first date that you had the master and then there was the opener that you had to like figure87:03
  1187. out.out.87:10
  1188. And I just, I kind of wanted a unified theory of men's attractiveness.And I just, I kind of wanted a unified theory of men's attractiveness.87:10
  1189. Because what I noticed is that guys who were supremely attractive in one moment, in one phase of the early relationship, just seemed to not really have any problems inBecause what I noticed is that guys who were supremely attractive in one moment, in one phase of the early relationship, just seemed to not really have any problems in87:19
  1190. any other part.any other part.87:32
  1191. It's not like there were any men who were like amazing at meeting a girl in a bar and then went on a date and just embarrassed themselves.It's not like there were any men who were like amazing at meeting a girl in a bar and then went on a date and just embarrassed themselves.87:32
  1192. It just didn't really happen.It just didn't really happen.87:40
  1193. It was, you kind of either had...It was, you kind of either had...87:42
  1194. Witnesses and losers.Witnesses and losers.87:43
  1195. Yeah, you either had the skills or you didn't.Yeah, you either had the skills or you didn't.87:44
  1196. And there was nothing special about like a text message or a second date that like you couldn't figure out if you had the fundamentals in place.And there was nothing special about like a text message or a second date that like you couldn't figure out if you had the fundamentals in place.87:46
  1197. So I was like kind of searching for this unified theory of like men's attractiveness.So I was like kind of searching for this unified theory of like men's attractiveness.87:58
  1198. And what I noticed about all of the men that I knew who were incredibly successful with women regardless of their circumstances in life, how old they were, their appearance,And what I noticed about all of the men that I knew who were incredibly successful with women regardless of their circumstances in life, how old they were, their appearance,88:02
  1199. money, background, anything, was they just had this...money, background, anything, was they just had this...88:17
  1200. They prioritized their perception of themselves over the perception of the girls.They prioritized their perception of themselves over the perception of the girls.88:23
  1201. Like all the guys who were terrible with women and who struggled with women and even some of the ones who could kind of perform like a dancing monkey andLike all the guys who were terrible with women and who struggled with women and even some of the ones who could kind of perform like a dancing monkey and88:27
  1202. maybe get a little like a hookup here and there, but they would lose the girl inevitably within a few days.maybe get a little like a hookup here and there, but they would lose the girl inevitably within a few days.88:35
  1203. I noticed that everything that motivated what they said, what they did, how they dressed, how they presented themselves, it was what is she gonna like and what does sheI noticed that everything that motivated what they said, what they did, how they dressed, how they presented themselves, it was what is she gonna like and what does she88:42
  1204. want to hear.want to hear.88:53
  1205. So it became this...So it became this...88:56
  1206. What I realized around that time is that ultimately...What I realized around that time is that ultimately...88:59
  1207. And I think this is true for women as well, but I think it's more true of men that your attractiveness is really dictated by your comfort with yourself andAnd I think this is true for women as well, but I think it's more true of men that your attractiveness is really dictated by your comfort with yourself and89:03
  1208. how deeply you have explored your own life, your own identity and your willingness to share that with the world.how deeply you have explored your own life, your own identity and your willingness to share that with the world.89:13
  1209. And the result, neediness was kind of that glue that held everything together or the concept of non -neediness.And the result, neediness was kind of that glue that held everything together or the concept of non -neediness.89:23
  1210. It's like don't do things for other people's approval, don't change your lifestyle for other people's approval, don't work out for other people's approval, don't say some bullshit line inIt's like don't do things for other people's approval, don't change your lifestyle for other people's approval, don't work out for other people's approval, don't say some bullshit line in89:31
  1211. a bar for other people's approval.a bar for other people's approval.89:41
  1212. It's all the same thing.It's all the same thing.89:43
  1213. It's all just being needy for validation and approval.It's all just being needy for validation and approval.89:45
  1214. And it's...And it's...89:51
  1215. I guess I'm fortunate it's just a very timeless concept.I guess I'm fortunate it's just a very timeless concept.89:53
  1216. It's as true today as it was then.It's as true today as it was then.89:57
  1217. Yeah, and it probably always will be because it's...Yeah, and it probably always will be because it's...89:59
  1218. I think it's...I think it's...90:02
  1219. If I was to describe my career in a simple phrase, it would be taking very abstract and tangible concepts and concretizing them in a single phrase or a singleIf I was to describe my career in a simple phrase, it would be taking very abstract and tangible concepts and concretizing them in a single phrase or a single90:04
  1220. term in a way that an average person on the street can understand and use them.term in a way that an average person on the street can understand and use them.90:15
  1221. That's essentially my entire job and why I'm here and why I've done anything.That's essentially my entire job and why I'm here and why I've done anything.90:21
  1222. And I think the non -neediness was my first real success at that.And I think the non -neediness was my first real success at that.90:28
  1223. Yeah, essentializing, distilling things down.Yeah, essentializing, distilling things down.90:33
  1224. Someone wants...Someone wants...90:37
  1225. The two best descriptions I've ever heard of modern wisdom.The two best descriptions I've ever heard of modern wisdom.90:38
  1226. One was...One was...90:41
  1227. Brain's in bronze.Brain's in bronze.90:43
  1228. It's crushing it Tuesday, actually.It's crushing it Tuesday, actually.90:45
  1229. Dispelling, comforting myths was one.Dispelling, comforting myths was one.90:48
  1230. And another one was...And another one was...90:51
  1231. It feels like spirulina for my soul in an environment filled with fast food for my amygdala.It feels like spirulina for my soul in an environment filled with fast food for my amygdala.90:54
  1232. And I was like, that's lovely.And I was like, that's lovely.90:59
  1233. It's very poetic.It's very poetic.91:01
  1234. But yeah, like, look, essentializing something, there's this big fluffy concept.But yeah, like, look, essentializing something, there's this big fluffy concept.91:01
  1235. Like, what were we saying?Like, what were we saying?91:05
  1236. Overoptimization, too much information.Overoptimization, too much information.91:06
  1237. I'm feeling all...I'm feeling all...91:08
  1238. I don't think that you're going to get even with where LLMs are at the moment, I don't think you're going to be able to get the unwieldy world ofI don't think that you're going to get even with where LLMs are at the moment, I don't think you're going to be able to get the unwieldy world of91:09
  1239. human attraction distilled down to prioritize your approval of yourself over other people's approval of you.human attraction distilled down to prioritize your approval of yourself over other people's approval of you.91:18
  1240. Don't be needy.Don't be needy.91:27
  1241. That is a distillation that kind of requires a human in the loop.That is a distillation that kind of requires a human in the loop.91:28
  1242. Because it's about language.Because it's about language.91:34
  1243. It's about, okay, what does this mean?It's about, okay, what does this mean?91:36
  1244. Not what is it if you synthesize it, right?Not what is it if you synthesize it, right?91:38
  1245. It's not a synthetic idea.It's not a synthetic idea.91:40
  1246. It's still quite an organic one.It's still quite an organic one.91:41
  1247. But yeah, when I think about the problem with the neediness thing, it also explains why so many guys felt like...But yeah, when I think about the problem with the neediness thing, it also explains why so many guys felt like...91:43
  1248. I mean, the red pill movement was born out of PUA hate.I mean, the red pill movement was born out of PUA hate.91:51
  1249. Do you remember that?Do you remember that?91:54
  1250. Yeah.Yeah.91:55
  1251. Yeah, because that was your era, the PUA hate thing.Yeah, because that was your era, the PUA hate thing.91:55
  1252. So these are guys who had...So these are guys who had...91:57
  1253. I don't remember that form.I don't remember that form.91:58
  1254. Found success or found failure with pickup artistry.Found success or found failure with pickup artistry.91:59
  1255. And I think that both of them were quite deranged.And I think that both of them were quite deranged.92:04
  1256. The guys that had found failure with pickup artistry saw themselves as so broken that even the most evidence -based system to ensure that they could get laid couldn't helpThe guys that had found failure with pickup artistry saw themselves as so broken that even the most evidence -based system to ensure that they could get laid couldn't help92:06
  1257. them.them.92:15
  1258. And I mean, that's pretty disparaging.And I mean, that's pretty disparaging.92:15
  1259. But then the guys who did find success with it also felt like they were disparaged because they said, God, look at how much I have to contort myself inBut then the guys who did find success with it also felt like they were disparaged because they said, God, look at how much I have to contort myself in92:17
  1260. order to be remotely attractive to a woman.order to be remotely attractive to a woman.92:26
  1261. And this is an example of none of them stopped to consider that it's just maybe the system is wrong.And this is an example of none of them stopped to consider that it's just maybe the system is wrong.92:28
  1262. Like the model is incorrect.Like the model is incorrect.92:33
  1263. And so they just assumed, no, women are incorrect.And so they just assumed, no, women are incorrect.92:36
  1264. Right?Right?92:39
  1265. It's like, the problem isn't that every woman on the planet is broken.It's like, the problem isn't that every woman on the planet is broken.92:39
  1266. The problem is that your model of dating and human relationships is broken, but you're not willing to toss that out because you're so psychologically dependent on it.The problem is that your model of dating and human relationships is broken, but you're not willing to toss that out because you're so psychologically dependent on it.92:46
  1267. Fun thing.Fun thing.92:57
  1268. So I name checked you.So I name checked you.92:58
  1269. I did, you know Jubilee's Surrounded?I did, you know Jubilee's Surrounded?93:01
  1270. Yes.Yes.93:03
  1271. So I just shot an episode with them.So I just shot an episode with them.93:03
  1272. What for?What for?93:06
  1273. What was the thing?What was the thing?93:06
  1274. One man versus the man is fear.One man versus the man is fear.93:08
  1275. No fucking way.No fucking way.93:10
  1276. You went up against the man is fear?You went up against the man is fear?93:12
  1277. Yeah.Yeah.93:13
  1278. Who was in the room?Who was in the room?93:13
  1279. Anyone that I'd know?Anyone that I'd know?93:14
  1280. I don't think so.I don't think so.93:15
  1281. No big names, no huge names.No big names, no huge names.93:17
  1282. There's been a couple of that just did.There's been a couple of that just did.93:18
  1283. I'm fucking fascinated by this.I'm fucking fascinated by this.93:20
  1284. A couple of them had people who were sort of moderately well known going in, but maybe you're not deep in the man is fear enough to know who wasA couple of them had people who were sort of moderately well known going in, but maybe you're not deep in the man is fear enough to know who was93:22
  1285. that?that?93:31
  1286. Who knows?Who knows?93:32
  1287. Maybe there was a guy there that they chose you, especially somebody who came out of that world.Maybe there was a guy there that they chose you, especially somebody who came out of that world.93:33
  1288. That's a unique choice.That's a unique choice.93:37
  1289. That's cool.That's cool.93:39
  1290. It's interesting because I told the producers.It's interesting because I told the producers.93:39
  1291. I was like in the pre -production proto man is fear.I was like in the pre -production proto man is fear.93:42
  1292. I told them I was, well, first of all, they were concerned or like, are you ready for them?I told them I was, well, first of all, they were concerned or like, are you ready for them?93:45
  1293. Like, dude, the first five years of my career, I spent arguing with these fucking guys.Like, dude, the first five years of my career, I spent arguing with these fucking guys.93:49
  1294. So like, yes, I'm more than prepared.So like, yes, I'm more than prepared.93:54
  1295. I know all the evolutionary psych and all their like silly theories.I know all the evolutionary psych and all their like silly theories.93:56
  1296. But it was interesting because I told them I was like, you realize that like half these guys are probably going to be fans of mine and they're going toBut it was interesting because I told them I was like, you realize that like half these guys are probably going to be fans of mine and they're going to94:01
  1297. have read my book and they were actually all for it.have read my book and they were actually all for it.94:06
  1298. So they were like, no, no, no, this is like, we kind of want this dynamic.So they were like, no, no, no, this is like, we kind of want this dynamic.94:09
  1299. So it was really interesting.So it was really interesting.94:13
  1300. It actually went really well.It actually went really well.94:16
  1301. They were like way more respectful than I expected.They were like way more respectful than I expected.94:17
  1302. And some of them were super smart, which I've been around enough of those guys to know that like a lot of them are super well read.And some of them were super smart, which I've been around enough of those guys to know that like a lot of them are super well read.94:20
  1303. But it was funny because afterwards a few of them were like, they said they're like, I can't believe we debated you.But it was funny because afterwards a few of them were like, they said they're like, I can't believe we debated you.94:29
  1304. I thought I was going to be debating like some women's studies professor, you know, from UCSF or something.I thought I was going to be debating like some women's studies professor, you know, from UCSF or something.94:35
  1305. But I name checked you because like one of the things that one of my talking points was like, I said it's, it's, the mannisfarer is the incorrect solution toBut I name checked you because like one of the things that one of my talking points was like, I said it's, it's, the mannisfarer is the incorrect solution to94:42
  1306. the correct problem.the correct problem.94:54
  1307. The correct problem is young men are struggling.The correct problem is young men are struggling.94:55
  1308. There's a real crisis going on and it's not talked about enough.There's a real crisis going on and it's not talked about enough.94:58
  1309. And you and I both know that.And you and I both know that.95:02
  1310. But this is not what's going to work.But this is not what's going to work.95:04
  1311. Like this is, this is not helping.Like this is, this is not helping.95:08
  1312. And so the issue isn't, and then of course, a lot of the guys came with like, well, there's this great advice and like Andrew Tate got me to likeAnd so the issue isn't, and then of course, a lot of the guys came with like, well, there's this great advice and like Andrew Tate got me to like95:10
  1313. get my life together.get my life together.95:17
  1314. I'm like, that's great.I'm like, that's great.95:18
  1315. But the problem isn't the advice, you know, the seed of advice embedded within the mannisfarer content.But the problem isn't the advice, you know, the seed of advice embedded within the mannisfarer content.95:19
  1316. It's the problem is the packaging.It's the problem is the packaging.95:27
  1317. Like you can go find that advice anywhere.Like you can go find that advice anywhere.95:28
  1318. And it's great that that particular packaging reached you in that moment, but you need to be able to let it go.And it's great that that particular packaging reached you in that moment, but you need to be able to let it go.95:30
  1319. And so a couple of the guys, they're like, oh, well, what should we listen to instead?And so a couple of the guys, they're like, oh, well, what should we listen to instead?95:36
  1320. Anyway, I threw your name into it.Anyway, I threw your name into it.95:41
  1321. It's fucking go dude.It's fucking go dude.95:43
  1322. I'm sufficiently sanitized.I'm sufficiently sanitized.95:44
  1323. I've got the seal of approval.I've got the seal of approval.95:45
  1324. I appreciate that.I appreciate that.95:46
  1325. Hey, man, I fucking, I think this is, I've said this to Mick, I know Jordan's in a bad way at the moment, but the timing of Jordan Peterson toHey, man, I fucking, I think this is, I've said this to Mick, I know Jordan's in a bad way at the moment, but the timing of Jordan Peterson to95:47
  1326. get ill and also aggressively do the God pivot was highly fucking inconvenient for where the culture was moving.get ill and also aggressively do the God pivot was highly fucking inconvenient for where the culture was moving.95:59
  1327. Because I think that a lot of what you're seeing with the more cantankerous sides of the mannisfarer would not have had the oxygen and the fuel to be ableBecause I think that a lot of what you're seeing with the more cantankerous sides of the mannisfarer would not have had the oxygen and the fuel to be able96:07
  1328. to get big, had you have still had Jordan floating around.to get big, had you have still had Jordan floating around.96:21
  1329. Yeah, it's almost like he was too early.Yeah, it's almost like he was too early.96:25
  1330. He did.He did.96:28
  1331. He timed the market.He timed the market.96:28
  1332. He was right, but early and then created the gap and then stopped supplying the demand.He was right, but early and then created the gap and then stopped supplying the demand.96:29
  1333. He created the demand and then stopped servicing the market.He created the demand and then stopped servicing the market.96:35
  1334. And I have to give him credit too, because I mean, I've always appreciated his work, but I remember back when he first kind of got big and he wasAnd I have to give him credit too, because I mean, I've always appreciated his work, but I remember back when he first kind of got big and he was96:38
  1335. kind of going on about a lot of this stuff.kind of going on about a lot of this stuff.96:49
  1336. I was like, really?I was like, really?96:50
  1337. Like, is this really such a, like, do we really need to be talking about, I thought we solved this, right?Like, is this really such a, like, do we really need to be talking about, I thought we solved this, right?96:52
  1338. But it's been pretty eye -opening how, just in terms of correctly identifying a cultural catastrophe years before it happened.But it's been pretty eye -opening how, just in terms of correctly identifying a cultural catastrophe years before it happened.96:58
  1339. Presient, yeah.Presient, yeah.97:10
  1340. Presient is fuck.Presient is fuck.97:12
  1341. Like so prescient.Like so prescient.97:13
  1342. And I go back and listen to Golden Era, JVP, of which I've got many episodes with him and I look forward to him coming back with a fully functioningAnd I go back and listen to Golden Era, JVP, of which I've got many episodes with him and I look forward to him coming back with a fully functioning97:14
  1343. brain.brain.97:23
  1344. It gets more true.It gets more true.97:26
  1345. It is big one of if you want real adventure in life, tell the truth.It is big one of if you want real adventure in life, tell the truth.97:29
  1346. Like, fuck me.Like, fuck me.97:32
  1347. Like every single time that I think about there's a problem in my life, it's because I'm not telling the truth.Like every single time that I think about there's a problem in my life, it's because I'm not telling the truth.97:33
  1348. Every single time.Every single time.97:37
  1349. Like Jesus Christ, it is, it was really, really good.Like Jesus Christ, it is, it was really, really good.97:38
  1350. And he got embroiled in things and became, in many ways, he got deranged by the level of aggression that he was being attacked by.And he got embroiled in things and became, in many ways, he got deranged by the level of aggression that he was being attacked by.97:43
  1351. It's a wonderful article from Ethan Strauss on Substack that people should go and read.It's a wonderful article from Ethan Strauss on Substack that people should go and read.97:53
  1352. It's called criticism capture is more deranging than audience capture.It's called criticism capture is more deranging than audience capture.97:57
  1353. He basically says that it's the criticisms, not the compliments that sway the way that we move.He basically says that it's the criticisms, not the compliments that sway the way that we move.98:01
  1354. And in my experience and watching a lot of people on the internet, that becomes so true.And in my experience and watching a lot of people on the internet, that becomes so true.98:07
  1355. Look at anybody who is really, really militant and gregarious with the way that they sort of communicate about stuff.Look at anybody who is really, really militant and gregarious with the way that they sort of communicate about stuff.98:12
  1356. And you're like, wow, like that's a firework of a world that's going on there.And you're like, wow, like that's a firework of a world that's going on there.98:23
  1357. They're very unforgiving, uncompromising in the way that they talk about things.They're very unforgiving, uncompromising in the way that they talk about things.98:28
  1358. Almost always people who have been very heavily attacked, rightly or wrongly, Trump became more Trump because of how much people were pushing back against him.Almost always people who have been very heavily attacked, rightly or wrongly, Trump became more Trump because of how much people were pushing back against him.98:34
  1359. Tate became more Tate because of how much people were pushing back against him.Tate became more Tate because of how much people were pushing back against him.98:46
  1360. Hassan Piker became more Hassan Piker because of how many people were pushing back against him.Hassan Piker became more Hassan Piker because of how many people were pushing back against him.98:50
  1361. This happens to everybody.This happens to everybody.98:54
  1362. I don't see the same thing being true for people that are just regularly complimented and don't get haters.I don't see the same thing being true for people that are just regularly complimented and don't get haters.98:55
  1363. So I do think that it causes people to react in a way where they dig their heels in and they become more spiky about their beliefs.So I do think that it causes people to react in a way where they dig their heels in and they become more spiky about their beliefs.99:01
  1364. Yeah, I could see that.Yeah, I could see that.99:10
  1365. One of the things that I've grown to appreciate over the years is that, and I really learned this being around Will Smith when I was working on his bookOne of the things that I've grown to appreciate over the years is that, and I really learned this being around Will Smith when I was working on his book99:13
  1366. and kind of in his orbit, some of the other very famous people in his orbit, there's a certain amount of skill or personality that is well suited for fame.and kind of in his orbit, some of the other very famous people in his orbit, there's a certain amount of skill or personality that is well suited for fame.99:23
  1367. I think it's some people just naturally respond very poorly to a lot of attention and a lot of fame, and some people naturally respond very well and they functionI think it's some people just naturally respond very poorly to a lot of attention and a lot of fame, and some people naturally respond very well and they function99:37
  1368. very well with it.very well with it.99:48
  1369. This is not a knock on him.This is not a knock on him.99:53
  1370. I don't know him very well.I don't know him very well.99:56
  1371. I've only met him a couple of times, but just as an outside observer, he just strikes me as somebody who it did not do him any favors.I've only met him a couple of times, but just as an outside observer, he just strikes me as somebody who it did not do him any favors.99:58
  1372. It was so much and it was so intense and it was so critical that I sympathize a lot for what he probably went through.It was so much and it was so intense and it was so critical that I sympathize a lot for what he probably went through.100:09
  1373. I think about people who have the skill to become famous but not the disposition to deal with the fame.I think about people who have the skill to become famous but not the disposition to deal with the fame.100:20
  1374. Yes, Lewis Capaldi is a phenomenal example of this.Yes, Lewis Capaldi is a phenomenal example of this.100:27
  1375. So writes his first album, billions of streams, global tour, needs to write a second one, gets put under so much pressure that he gives himself a Tourette style tickSo writes his first album, billions of streams, global tour, needs to write a second one, gets put under so much pressure that he gives himself a Tourette style tick100:31
  1376. where his anxiety has pushed his body beyond a limit that it was able to cope with.where his anxiety has pushed his body beyond a limit that it was able to cope with.100:43
  1377. Then he steps out on stage at the O2 and Glastonbury, I think, and is under so much internal pressure that he can't get the words out and he can'tThen he steps out on stage at the O2 and Glastonbury, I think, and is under so much internal pressure that he can't get the words out and he can't100:49
  1378. sing and then goes away, completely goes away and then comes back maybe a year or two years later, main stage of Glastonbury again and plays a new song whichsing and then goes away, completely goes away and then comes back maybe a year or two years later, main stage of Glastonbury again and plays a new song which100:59
  1379. is all about his desire.is all about his desire.101:10
  1380. He says, I swear to God I'll survive even if it kills me this time and just like luck and healthy, super regulated, but there is a world of peopleHe says, I swear to God I'll survive even if it kills me this time and just like luck and healthy, super regulated, but there is a world of people101:11
  1381. who are good enough to achieve fame but just straight up don't have the disposition to be able to cope with it and that's a ruthless position to be inwho are good enough to achieve fame but just straight up don't have the disposition to be able to cope with it and that's a ruthless position to be in101:24
  1382. because the thing that you want is in your hands and kind of through no choice of your own there's another thing, almost everybody wants to be successful but doesn'tbecause the thing that you want is in your hands and kind of through no choice of your own there's another thing, almost everybody wants to be successful but doesn't101:33
  1383. have the talent and there are a very small bucket of people that get to become successful and of them there's a proportion who can become successful but for somehave the talent and there are a very small bucket of people that get to become successful and of them there's a proportion who can become successful but for some101:43
  1384. reason just self -destruct, detonate this thing that they've worked their entire lives to try and get and that's like no one's going to give them sympathy, velvet, fucking prison,reason just self -destruct, detonate this thing that they've worked their entire lives to try and get and that's like no one's going to give them sympathy, velvet, fucking prison,101:53
  1385. champagne problem but it's a unique kind of pain to get to the top of the mountain and find that you threw yourself off and that throwing off, it canchampagne problem but it's a unique kind of pain to get to the top of the mountain and find that you threw yourself off and that throwing off, it can102:02
  1386. be catastrophic.be catastrophic.102:11
  1387. I mean if you look at what he's gone through the last few years or if you just classic celebrity stories, right, Cobain or Amy Winehouse or like who?I mean if you look at what he's gone through the last few years or if you just classic celebrity stories, right, Cobain or Amy Winehouse or like who?102:12
  1388. Pete Diddy.Pete Diddy.102:21
  1389. Yeah, Pete Diddy.Yeah, Pete Diddy.102:21
  1390. Got you.Got you.102:23
  1391. Yes, yes that is one way to self -destruct but it's, you can see it play out in a lot of different ways.Yes, yes that is one way to self -destruct but it's, you can see it play out in a lot of different ways.102:25
  1392. The other thing that I really grew to appreciate being around Will is there's a systemization of fame.The other thing that I really grew to appreciate being around Will is there's a systemization of fame.102:33
  1393. Him and his team had guardrails built around him.Him and his team had guardrails built around him.102:43
  1394. They had systems of like here's how you deal with unruly fans in a way that doesn't upset anybody.They had systems of like here's how you deal with unruly fans in a way that doesn't upset anybody.102:47
  1395. Here's how you guarantee his privacy in certain places without disturbing his weekend.Here's how you guarantee his privacy in certain places without disturbing his weekend.102:55
  1396. Here's how you make sure he gets enough time to like rehearse and you know learn his scripts.Here's how you make sure he gets enough time to like rehearse and you know learn his scripts.103:00
  1397. Like they had protocols for all of this stuff that it was literally just protocols to maintain his ability to function.Like they had protocols for all of this stuff that it was literally just protocols to maintain his ability to function.103:05
  1398. There's a middle area of fame.There's a middle area of fame.103:13
  1399. I haven't been exposed to, I've only ever been exposed to one or two people that have got that and becoming friends with someone right now who basically lives withI haven't been exposed to, I've only ever been exposed to one or two people that have got that and becoming friends with someone right now who basically lives with103:15
  1400. a team of SAS guys 24 hours a day to keep him on the straight and narrow so that he can continue to produce the things that he needs toa team of SAS guys 24 hours a day to keep him on the straight and narrow so that he can continue to produce the things that he needs to103:23
  1401. produce but it's a very small number of people that have that and a very large number of people that would really benefit from that that I know of whoproduce but it's a very small number of people that have that and a very large number of people that would really benefit from that that I know of who103:30
  1402. are in sort of the middling level of fame.are in sort of the middling level of fame.103:40
  1403. Where it can disrupt your life and get in the way of your relationships and hurt you and stuff but no one's handed them the pamphlet or the playbook toWhere it can disrupt your life and get in the way of your relationships and hurt you and stuff but no one's handed them the pamphlet or the playbook to103:42
  1404. be able to deal with it.be able to deal with it.103:50
  1405. And dude it's introducing friction back into your life right because that's what happens when you achieve this insane level of success and fame is like it removes all theAnd dude it's introducing friction back into your life right because that's what happens when you achieve this insane level of success and fame is like it removes all the103:51
  1406. barriers and guardrails.barriers and guardrails.104:01
  1407. Now you have all the money to do whatever you want.Now you have all the money to do whatever you want.104:02
  1408. You have all the people who are going to say yes to whatever you want and so the only way to like stay functional is to like intentionally reintroduce.You have all the people who are going to say yes to whatever you want and so the only way to like stay functional is to like intentionally reintroduce.104:04
  1409. Limitation.Limitation.104:14
  1410. There's limitations to the friction.There's limitations to the friction.104:15
  1411. Yeah.Yeah.104:18
  1412. This is similar to one of yours.This is similar to one of yours.104:18
  1413. You only envy the lives of people whose sacrifices you can't see.You only envy the lives of people whose sacrifices you can't see.104:20
  1414. Yeah.Yeah.104:26
  1415. Yeah.Yeah.104:27
  1416. I mean it's easy to just want the benefits of something.I mean it's easy to just want the benefits of something.104:33
  1417. It's the default.It's the default.104:37
  1418. It's almost childish to just want the benefits of something.It's almost childish to just want the benefits of something.104:41
  1419. It's a very naive way of seeing the world and I think it's not only is it important to want the cost of something.It's a very naive way of seeing the world and I think it's not only is it important to want the cost of something.104:45
  1420. Check and make sure you want the cost of something before you actually start pursuing it.Check and make sure you want the cost of something before you actually start pursuing it.105:02
  1421. But again it comes back to like that's the part that makes it meaningful.But again it comes back to like that's the part that makes it meaningful.105:07
  1422. Right.Right.105:12
  1423. If you just got the benefits of things you would never appreciate those things.If you just got the benefits of things you would never appreciate those things.105:13
  1424. It's the fact that you like struggled and sacrificed and crawled through shit.It's the fact that you like struggled and sacrificed and crawled through shit.105:18
  1425. In that wonderful duality you only envy the lives of people whose sacrifices you can't see.In that wonderful duality you only envy the lives of people whose sacrifices you can't see.105:22
  1426. So if you could see the cost that somebody had to pay in order to get to where they are you probably wouldn't want the life.So if you could see the cost that somebody had to pay in order to get to where they are you probably wouldn't want the life.105:28
  1427. But if you were able to get to the place that they got to without the sacrifices you wouldn't appreciate it.But if you were able to get to the place that they got to without the sacrifices you wouldn't appreciate it.105:37
  1428. Bingo.Bingo.105:44
  1429. It's the Elon quote you mentioned earlier right.It's the Elon quote you mentioned earlier right.105:44
  1430. It's like you don't want you wouldn't like to be me.It's like you don't want you wouldn't like to be me.105:47
  1431. My mind's a storm.My mind's a storm.105:49
  1432. People think they want to be me.People think they want to be me.105:51
  1433. They don't want to be me.They don't want to be me.105:51
  1434. Yeah.Yeah.105:53
  1435. There's a line from James Clear that plays off this which this is one of the best things that I read over the last few years.There's a line from James Clear that plays off this which this is one of the best things that I read over the last few years.105:53
  1436. It doesn't make sense to continue wanting something if you're not willing to do what it takes to get it.It doesn't make sense to continue wanting something if you're not willing to do what it takes to get it.105:59
  1437. If you don't want to live the lifestyle then release yourself from the desire to crave the result but not the process is to guarantee disappointment.If you don't want to live the lifestyle then release yourself from the desire to crave the result but not the process is to guarantee disappointment.106:05
  1438. Fucking money.Fucking money.106:14
  1439. It's such money because how many people want something but George Max got this idea the difference between call of duty and war.It's such money because how many people want something but George Max got this idea the difference between call of duty and war.106:15
  1440. He says a lot of the time people think that they would love to play call of duty all the time but that's not what war is.He says a lot of the time people think that they would love to play call of duty all the time but that's not what war is.106:25
  1441. War is the smell of burnt gunpowder and your friend getting his leg blown off.War is the smell of burnt gunpowder and your friend getting his leg blown off.106:31
  1442. And you want to become a musician.And you want to become a musician.106:35
  1443. You want to become a world famous guitarist.You want to become a world famous guitarist.106:38
  1444. You're okay.You're okay.106:39
  1445. What does that look like?What does that look like?106:40
  1446. You're going to have to learn to play guitar for a decade to no one and then if and when you start a band you're going to be playing alsoYou're going to have to learn to play guitar for a decade to no one and then if and when you start a band you're going to be playing also106:41
  1447. to no one with no promise of whether or not this is going to work.to no one with no promise of whether or not this is going to work.106:49
  1448. Let me cut you off there because that was my life.Let me cut you off there because that was my life.106:52
  1449. As an unfamously unsuccessful musician.As an unfamously unsuccessful musician.106:57
  1450. Yes.Yes.107:00
  1451. As a failed musician let me tell you that what you just described is that's still like the most fun 5 % of it.As a failed musician let me tell you that what you just described is that's still like the most fun 5 % of it.107:00
  1452. Like the 95 % of it is you're sitting in a room by yourself practicing and there's no applause.Like the 95 % of it is you're sitting in a room by yourself practicing and there's no applause.107:07
  1453. There's nobody watching.There's nobody watching.107:13
  1454. There's nobody.There's nobody.107:14
  1455. It's frustrating and difficult.It's frustrating and difficult.107:15
  1456. You're playing the same song literally hundreds of times and it's the thing in music that they always say is that you're not practicing until you get it right.You're playing the same song literally hundreds of times and it's the thing in music that they always say is that you're not practicing until you get it right.107:17
  1457. You're practicing until it's impossible to get wrong.You're practicing until it's impossible to get wrong.107:28
  1458. So it is, you know, if it takes 100 repetitions to get it right you need to get to a thousand to never get it wrong and it is soSo it is, you know, if it takes 100 repetitions to get it right you need to get to a thousand to never get it wrong and it is so107:31
  1459. monotonous and tedious and just like absolutely soul destroying unless you love it.monotonous and tedious and just like absolutely soul destroying unless you love it.107:40
  1460. Unless you just genuinely can't imagine living without it.Unless you just genuinely can't imagine living without it.107:44
  1461. So yeah.So yeah.107:51
  1462. Well that's the your line about what sort of pain do you want in your life.Well that's the your line about what sort of pain do you want in your life.107:52
  1463. Every pursuit worth having comes with some degree of pain and struggle and sacrifice.Every pursuit worth having comes with some degree of pain and struggle and sacrifice.107:58
  1464. So choose what flavor of shit sandwich you want to eat.So choose what flavor of shit sandwich you want to eat.108:03
  1465. Yeah.Yeah.108:08
  1466. Yeah.Yeah.108:09
  1467. It's funny on the idea of the really unsexy stuff that becomes sexy when reflected in the glory of you standing on stage and doing something really cool.It's funny on the idea of the really unsexy stuff that becomes sexy when reflected in the glory of you standing on stage and doing something really cool.108:10
  1468. But if you don't want to do something, if you genuinely don't want to do something, it's almost impossible for you to get yourself to do it and that's theBut if you don't want to do something, if you genuinely don't want to do something, it's almost impossible for you to get yourself to do it and that's the108:24
  1469. it doesn't make sense to continue wanting something if you're not willing to do what it takes to get it.it doesn't make sense to continue wanting something if you're not willing to do what it takes to get it.108:30
  1470. But not even willing to do like wants to do ideally because you can be willing to do something but the amount of willpower that it's going to take inBut not even willing to do like wants to do ideally because you can be willing to do something but the amount of willpower that it's going to take in108:34
  1471. order to get you through that is fucking insurmountable and also it's going to detract away from all of the other things that you should do in your life.order to get you through that is fucking insurmountable and also it's going to detract away from all of the other things that you should do in your life.108:43
  1472. Now it's unfortunate that some people never get an obsession that's worth anything.Now it's unfortunate that some people never get an obsession that's worth anything.108:51
  1473. I was thinking about this a lot that I would call myself in this that term serial monogamous.I was thinking about this a lot that I would call myself in this that term serial monogamous.108:55
  1474. I would call myself a serial obsessive that around about every seven years or so I get a new obsession and it was cricket from the age of 10 untilI would call myself a serial obsessive that around about every seven years or so I get a new obsession and it was cricket from the age of 10 until109:02
  1475. 18.18.109:11
  1476. Then it was club promo from 18 until 25, 26, 27 and then it was personal development until early 30s and then it's been the podcast from then until now.Then it was club promo from 18 until 25, 26, 27 and then it was personal development until early 30s and then it's been the podcast from then until now.109:12
  1477. And that's cool because all of those obsessions largely have not been that destructive and maybe have even been beneficial to me and the world except for the cricket.And that's cool because all of those obsessions largely have not been that destructive and maybe have even been beneficial to me and the world except for the cricket.109:23
  1478. I will stand my ground with that.I will stand my ground with that.109:34
  1479. You're a fucking Philistine.You're a fucking Philistine.109:36
  1480. You're an uncultured American Philistine.You're an uncultured American Philistine.109:39
  1481. And anything that is in America is derivative of something that happened in Britain.And anything that is in America is derivative of something that happened in Britain.109:44
  1482. It's more boring baseball and considering how boring baseball is.It's more boring baseball and considering how boring baseball is.109:48
  1483. I disagree.I disagree.109:52
  1484. It's a sport that's only played when the weather's good.It's a sport that's only played when the weather's good.109:53
  1485. Okay.Okay.109:56
  1486. It lasts for five days and sometimes ends in a draw.It lasts for five days and sometimes ends in a draw.109:57
  1487. It's almost mandatory to drink.It's almost mandatory to drink.109:59
  1488. This sounds like a circle of hell.This sounds like a circle of hell.110:03
  1489. No, it's not.No, it's not.110:04
  1490. It's England.It's England.110:05
  1491. Which is a circle of hell.Which is a circle of hell.110:07
  1492. No, no, no.No, no, no.110:09
  1493. That's incorrect.That's incorrect.110:10
  1494. That's incorrect.That's incorrect.110:11
  1495. I love it.I love it.110:12
  1496. It's highly offensive.It's highly offensive.110:13
  1497. I love England.I love England.110:14
  1498. And good.And good.110:15
  1499. Good.Good.110:16
  1500. Here's 10 years of therapy summarized in one minute.Here's 10 years of therapy summarized in one minute.110:17
  1501. Number one, no one is coming to save you.Number one, no one is coming to save you.110:20
  1502. Being a functioning adult means realizing you are responsible for everything in your life even if it wasn't your fault.Being a functioning adult means realizing you are responsible for everything in your life even if it wasn't your fault.110:23
  1503. Number two, strong boundaries make for good relationships.Number two, strong boundaries make for good relationships.110:29
  1504. Weak boundaries make drama.Weak boundaries make drama.110:31
  1505. Number three, many of your problems don't get fixed.Number three, many of your problems don't get fixed.110:34
  1506. You just learn how to live despite them.You just learn how to live despite them.110:37
  1507. Number four, your mind lies to you all the time.Number four, your mind lies to you all the time.110:39
  1508. It will tell you that the world is ending when it's not, that a mistake is fatal when it's not, that everyone is thinking about you and laughing about youIt will tell you that the world is ending when it's not, that a mistake is fatal when it's not, that everyone is thinking about you and laughing about you110:42
  1509. when they're not.when they're not.110:48
  1510. Learn how to tell your mind to shut the fuck up.Learn how to tell your mind to shut the fuck up.110:49
  1511. Number five, stop trying to convince people to like you.Number five, stop trying to convince people to like you.110:52
  1512. The right people won't need to be convinced and everyone else is just going to get very annoyed.The right people won't need to be convinced and everyone else is just going to get very annoyed.110:55
  1513. Number six, sometimes the best thing you can do is let a dream die.Number six, sometimes the best thing you can do is let a dream die.111:00
  1514. No one likes to hear that, but it's true.No one likes to hear that, but it's true.111:04
  1515. And number seven, only a few people in your life are going to matter in the long run.And number seven, only a few people in your life are going to matter in the long run.111:07
  1516. When you find them, treat them right, make time for them, keep them close, be grateful.When you find them, treat them right, make time for them, keep them close, be grateful.111:10
  1517. You know, sometimes when I put together stuff like that, I'm like hearing you read that back to me.You know, sometimes when I put together stuff like that, I'm like hearing you read that back to me.111:16
  1518. Like the thought that comes to mind is like, how is this not taught in schools?Like the thought that comes to mind is like, how is this not taught in schools?111:25
  1519. Like how are we just, how is this not just discovered this at 34?Like how are we just, how is this not just discovered this at 34?111:28
  1520. Right.Right.111:33
  1521. Like why do people have to listen to podcasts all day to like hear some of this stuff?Like why do people have to listen to podcasts all day to like hear some of this stuff?111:34
  1522. It just seems so fundamental, you know, but it is interesting.It just seems so fundamental, you know, but it is interesting.111:40
  1523. One of the things that my perspective has shifted, you know, I've been doing this for 17 years.One of the things that my perspective has shifted, you know, I've been doing this for 17 years.111:47
  1524. Too long.Too long.111:56
  1525. Yeah, a long time.Yeah, a long time.111:56
  1526. And when I look at things that I've either changed my mind about or changed my perspective on through over the course of my career, I think one of theAnd when I look at things that I've either changed my mind about or changed my perspective on through over the course of my career, I think one of the112:00
  1527. big ones is that, you know, early in my career, I really thought it was all about just like ideas, information, knowledge, right?big ones is that, you know, early in my career, I really thought it was all about just like ideas, information, knowledge, right?112:08
  1528. It's like a few pieces of key knowledge that if you can kind of figure it out, if you can dig through enough psych studies and find the application, likeIt's like a few pieces of key knowledge that if you can kind of figure it out, if you can dig through enough psych studies and find the application, like112:16
  1529. it's just going to be a key that unlocks all these areas of your life.it's just going to be a key that unlocks all these areas of your life.112:24
  1530. And I think if you were a consumer of personal growth advice, like that the experience you have often feels that way.And I think if you were a consumer of personal growth advice, like that the experience you have often feels that way.112:27
  1531. But I don't think that's true.But I don't think that's true.112:38
  1532. I think actually what is true is that there are just certain concepts, ideas, principles that are pretty obvious.I think actually what is true is that there are just certain concepts, ideas, principles that are pretty obvious.112:40
  1533. And we all kind of already know them, but we lose, it's extremely difficult to keep them in front of our base through day to day life.And we all kind of already know them, but we lose, it's extremely difficult to keep them in front of our base through day to day life.112:51
  1534. And so we need rituals and reminders consistently.And so we need rituals and reminders consistently.113:00
  1535. And I actually think that for most of human history, I think religion was that mechanism of those reminders to like keep people like, Hey, nobody's like, you're responsible forAnd I actually think that for most of human history, I think religion was that mechanism of those reminders to like keep people like, Hey, nobody's like, you're responsible for113:05
  1536. this.this.113:16
  1537. Hey, treat people well, that person matters, you know, like, let go of the small stuff.Hey, treat people well, that person matters, you know, like, let go of the small stuff.113:16
  1538. But I think in our modern, our modern world, you know, it's people, most people are losing that.But I think in our modern, our modern world, you know, it's people, most people are losing that.113:23
  1539. And so you're almost seeing this like reinvention of those rituals online through like what you and I do through podcasts and Instagram and YouTube and all this stuff.And so you're almost seeing this like reinvention of those rituals online through like what you and I do through podcasts and Instagram and YouTube and all this stuff.113:29
  1540. And I do it as well, right?And I do it as well, right?113:42
  1541. It's like, I've got my shows and I've got the channels I follow and the people I follow.It's like, I've got my shows and I've got the channels I follow and the people I follow.113:43
  1542. And it's like, they, it's not that any individual piece of information is like changing my life, unlocking this whole area of my life.And it's like, they, it's not that any individual piece of information is like changing my life, unlocking this whole area of my life.113:47
  1543. It's just like, Oh yeah, it's a good reminder.It's just like, Oh yeah, it's a good reminder.113:57
  1544. That's so true.That's so true.114:00
  1545. I think because the modern world is filled with novelty, anything that we've seen before, we don't usually want to hear again.I think because the modern world is filled with novelty, anything that we've seen before, we don't usually want to hear again.114:00
  1546. Yeah.Yeah.114:07
  1547. We think, well, I already know that even if you don't, even if there's 10 things that you basically just need to hear over and over again, what you needWe think, well, I already know that even if you don't, even if there's 10 things that you basically just need to hear over and over again, what you need114:08
  1548. to do, I think is play the game of novelty whilst just re -delivering the same core message.to do, I think is play the game of novelty whilst just re -delivering the same core message.114:16
  1549. And that's going to be anti -mimetic and wholly unimpressive to people.And that's going to be anti -mimetic and wholly unimpressive to people.114:23
  1550. This is the fucking clean your room thing again.This is the fucking clean your room thing again.114:26
  1551. This is the tell the truth thing again.This is the tell the truth thing again.114:29
  1552. Oh, neediness is it?Oh, neediness is it?114:31
  1553. And you go, okay, well, I can lie to you and create this sort of fugazi gaslight thing where I say, this new thing is the big unlock, or IAnd you go, okay, well, I can lie to you and create this sort of fugazi gaslight thing where I say, this new thing is the big unlock, or I114:32
  1554. can just try to repackage stuff that is the existing concept.can just try to repackage stuff that is the existing concept.114:44
  1555. So it satisfies your desire for novelty and my own desire for novelty whilst reinforcing the principle that is most accurate.So it satisfies your desire for novelty and my own desire for novelty whilst reinforcing the principle that is most accurate.114:49
  1556. And that's really, I think what a lot of the game is now, and we were talking before we get started, I think that very, very dense information, like consumptionAnd that's really, I think what a lot of the game is now, and we were talking before we get started, I think that very, very dense information, like consumption114:57
  1557. and over optimization is kind of dead in the water.and over optimization is kind of dead in the water.115:07
  1558. And the alternative is reminding people stuff that they already know in a manner that just, you know how the Ebbinghaus forgetting curve works?And the alternative is reminding people stuff that they already know in a manner that just, you know how the Ebbinghaus forgetting curve works?115:10
  1559. It's space repetition.It's space repetition.115:22
  1560. It's why I keep flashcards and stuff work like that.It's why I keep flashcards and stuff work like that.115:24
  1561. Basically, you need that, but with novelty added in so that people are just regularly reminded, oh, yeah, I just need to go for a walk and sleep more.Basically, you need that, but with novelty added in so that people are just regularly reminded, oh, yeah, I just need to go for a walk and sleep more.115:27
  1562. Oh, right, yeah, I just, I probably need to say how I feel to my partner when something upsets me.Oh, right, yeah, I just, I probably need to say how I feel to my partner when something upsets me.115:39
  1563. I've started, one way I think about it sometimes is that a lot of this advice, it's almost like having a fire extinguisher in the room.I've started, one way I think about it sometimes is that a lot of this advice, it's almost like having a fire extinguisher in the room.115:47
  1564. You've probably had the experience where maybe you read something five years ago and you're like, yeah, it's obvious.You've probably had the experience where maybe you read something five years ago and you're like, yeah, it's obvious.115:55
  1565. I know that.I know that.116:03
  1566. And then something happens in your life, right?And then something happens in your life, right?116:05
  1567. You get dumped or somebody dies or you move across the world and you're like, suddenly you're like, oh my God, I need this so bad right now.You get dumped or somebody dies or you move across the world and you're like, suddenly you're like, oh my God, I need this so bad right now.116:08
  1568. Well, one of the most embarrassing things is to realize that the problem you're facing was solved by something that you learned long ago.Well, one of the most embarrassing things is to realize that the problem you're facing was solved by something that you learned long ago.116:17
  1569. Yes, but didn't appreciate.Yes, but didn't appreciate.116:23
  1570. And then have to now go and relearn.And then have to now go and relearn.116:24
  1571. Yeah.Yeah.116:27
  1572. You're like, fuck.You're like, fuck.116:27
  1573. Or that you're now facing a problem that you faced in the past and that you not only learned something, but a specific type of pain that both me andOr that you're now facing a problem that you faced in the past and that you not only learned something, but a specific type of pain that both me and116:28
  1574. you do go, oh, I wrote about this.you do go, oh, I wrote about this.116:36
  1575. I fucking wrote this thing.I fucking wrote this thing.116:39
  1576. Tell me about it.Tell me about it.116:41
  1577. I don't like it.I don't like it.116:42
  1578. Tell me about it.Tell me about it.116:42
  1579. Yeah.Yeah.116:43
  1580. So I had a speaking of like, you know, ascending the mountain and struggling to deal with fame.So I had a speaking of like, you know, ascending the mountain and struggling to deal with fame.116:45
  1581. You know, when my book took off, you know, I went into a real identity crisis.You know, when my book took off, you know, I went into a real identity crisis.116:50
  1582. I think I've talked to you about this before on the show, but you know, I had that first year or two when my book was number one everywhere, itI think I've talked to you about this before on the show, but you know, I had that first year or two when my book was number one everywhere, it116:56
  1583. was like just all these crazy things happening.was like just all these crazy things happening.117:02
  1584. I felt super disoriented and like very lost and kind of went through a little bit of a depression, became I got everything I ever wanted and it made meI felt super disoriented and like very lost and kind of went through a little bit of a depression, became I got everything I ever wanted and it made me117:06
  1585. depressed.depressed.117:15
  1586. Yeah, pretty much.Yeah, pretty much.117:15
  1587. And like massive imposter syndrome for a period of time and started saying yes to a bunch of things I didn't want to say yes to, right?And like massive imposter syndrome for a period of time and started saying yes to a bunch of things I didn't want to say yes to, right?117:16
  1588. And so then I ended up in this situation where I'm like, I feel trapped in my own career.And so then I ended up in this situation where I'm like, I feel trapped in my own career.117:25
  1589. I'm like obligated to do all these things for these people that I don't really want to be doing.I'm like obligated to do all these things for these people that I don't really want to be doing.117:30
  1590. I'm like stressed all the time.I'm like stressed all the time.117:35
  1591. I'm anxious, my health's going to shit and it's I'm fat and I'm fat on top of everything else.I'm anxious, my health's going to shit and it's I'm fat and I'm fat on top of everything else.117:36
  1592. It's that insult to injury, fucking fat.It's that insult to injury, fucking fat.117:45
  1593. And it's so funny because I remember when I was doing my film, you know, it was that we were doing a film on the Sunflower and not giving aAnd it's so funny because I remember when I was doing my film, you know, it was that we were doing a film on the Sunflower and not giving a117:49
  1594. fuck.fuck.118:03
  1595. And I hadn't really read the book since I wrote it.And I hadn't really read the book since I wrote it.118:03
  1596. And so I went back, I'm like, I went back and it was like all the shit I just I've been spending the last two years dealing with it wasAnd so I went back, I'm like, I went back and it was like all the shit I just I've been spending the last two years dealing with it was118:06
  1597. like in my own book.like in my own book.118:17
  1598. And I'm like, I'm I'm fucking all of this up.And I'm like, I'm I'm fucking all of this up.118:18
  1599. I'm like, I'm saying yes to things that I don't care about.I'm like, I'm saying yes to things that I don't care about.118:21
  1600. I'm like overloading my life with all these distractions.I'm like overloading my life with all these distractions.118:24
  1601. I'm like not standing up for myself.I'm like not standing up for myself.118:27
  1602. I've like lost clarity on what I value, like just like chapter by chapter by chapter, I'm choosing the wrong struggles.I've like lost clarity on what I value, like just like chapter by chapter by chapter, I'm choosing the wrong struggles.118:29
  1603. And I just I it was rough.And I just I it was rough.118:35
  1604. It was really rough.It was really rough.118:38
  1605. I like I had to really have like a heart to heart with myself of like, dude, whoa, get it together.I like I had to really have like a heart to heart with myself of like, dude, whoa, get it together.118:39
  1606. It's like it's like personal growth, Groundhog Day.It's like it's like personal growth, Groundhog Day.118:48
  1607. One thing that I think is is kind of important.One thing that I think is is kind of important.118:52
  1608. I I understand how you can say, hey, look, the small bucket of principles over optimization, thinking about your life too much, all of these things like they you're majoringI I understand how you can say, hey, look, the small bucket of principles over optimization, thinking about your life too much, all of these things like they you're majoring118:56
  1609. in the miners, etc, etc.in the miners, etc, etc.119:05
  1610. That is true once you've been through it.That is true once you've been through it.119:08
  1611. Yes, it is not true before you've been through it.Yes, it is not true before you've been through it.119:11
  1612. Breaking the rules of the game before you've learned how to play the game is not breaking the rules of the game and being an innovator or being some essentializedBreaking the rules of the game before you've learned how to play the game is not breaking the rules of the game and being an innovator or being some essentialized119:14
  1613. distiller of cool stuff.distiller of cool stuff.119:23
  1614. It's playing a different game.It's playing a different game.119:25
  1615. And this is why I highly recommend that people become totally obsessed with personal development and productivity and David Allen's getting things done and James Clair's atomic habits and MorganAnd this is why I highly recommend that people become totally obsessed with personal development and productivity and David Allen's getting things done and James Clair's atomic habits and Morgan119:27
  1616. House's psychology money and the subtle art of not giving a fuck for like probably between three and six years.House's psychology money and the subtle art of not giving a fuck for like probably between three and six years.119:38
  1617. And then once you've done that, you can sort of get your black belt, put it on and go, okay, yeah, 95 % of that was packaging.And then once you've done that, you can sort of get your black belt, put it on and go, okay, yeah, 95 % of that was packaging.119:46
  1618. Here are the bits that really matter.Here are the bits that really matter.119:57
  1619. And I'm now going to spend the rest of time trying to just maintain that momentum and not over complicate stuff.And I'm now going to spend the rest of time trying to just maintain that momentum and not over complicate stuff.119:59
  1620. And maybe once a year, there'll be a novel insight, which is genuinely principled and fundamental that I just didn't know yet.And maybe once a year, there'll be a novel insight, which is genuinely principled and fundamental that I just didn't know yet.120:08
  1621. But you can't get to that level without having gone through the first bit.But you can't get to that level without having gone through the first bit.120:15
  1622. And maybe it's just the case that the world of everybody went through the same, holy fuck, like this is novel.And maybe it's just the case that the world of everybody went through the same, holy fuck, like this is novel.120:19
  1623. But talking about like choosing your struggles appropriately or even neediness and stuff like that, that was novel when it happened.But talking about like choosing your struggles appropriately or even neediness and stuff like that, that was novel when it happened.120:29
  1624. But that area of cognitive real estate that territory is now being, you know, when you play a video game and the maps all fogged out.But that area of cognitive real estate that territory is now being, you know, when you play a video game and the maps all fogged out.120:35
  1625. Yeah.Yeah.120:42
  1626. And then after you've played it for a while, the areas get opened up.And then after you've played it for a while, the areas get opened up.120:43
  1627. It's like, well, that area's opened up now.It's like, well, that area's opened up now.120:47
  1628. So assuming that you've gone through this process, previously it was kind of like humans were moving at the same level that technology developed.So assuming that you've gone through this process, previously it was kind of like humans were moving at the same level that technology developed.120:49
  1629. But if you start doing personal development now, there's so much technology that you can speed run all the way up to the top.But if you start doing personal development now, there's so much technology that you can speed run all the way up to the top.120:57
  1630. Whereas for us, it's like, wow, telling the truth is something this is revolutionary, not that I've just discovered it, but it's just been said.Whereas for us, it's like, wow, telling the truth is something this is revolutionary, not that I've just discovered it, but it's just been said.121:03
  1631. This is groundbreaking research.This is groundbreaking research.121:11
  1632. But because there's so much to go through, and maybe it's just the case that the era that we're in had a formative hockey curve, like J shape thing, where,But because there's so much to go through, and maybe it's just the case that the era that we're in had a formative hockey curve, like J shape thing, where,121:14
  1633. wow, there's a fucking ton of insight that's repackaged ancient wisdom for a secular world that's distilled down into good language that's memorable.wow, there's a fucking ton of insight that's repackaged ancient wisdom for a secular world that's distilled down into good language that's memorable.121:27
  1634. I should, I'm learning this as it goes and a new bucket, a new bucket, a new bucket.I should, I'm learning this as it goes and a new bucket, a new bucket, a new bucket.121:34
  1635. And now we're at the stage where much of that territory that's important has been captured.And now we're at the stage where much of that territory that's important has been captured.121:37
  1636. And now, because everybody kind of started the race, whether you were about 18 or 28 or 48, everybody started it kind of at the same time.And now, because everybody kind of started the race, whether you were about 18 or 28 or 48, everybody started it kind of at the same time.121:43
  1637. And Peterson comes along with you and James.And Peterson comes along with you and James.121:52
  1638. And you go, oh, wow, that's now all being done.And you go, oh, wow, that's now all being done.121:55
  1639. So everybody has a degree of personal development fatigue, but that's not true if you're starting your journey.So everybody has a degree of personal development fatigue, but that's not true if you're starting your journey.121:59
  1640. If you're like, hey, I'm a fat piece of shit, and I'm 25, and I've never done any of this, it's like lock in for the next six years.If you're like, hey, I'm a fat piece of shit, and I'm 25, and I've never done any of this, it's like lock in for the next six years.122:05
  1641. Yes, absolutely.Yes, absolutely.122:11
  1642. And then, and then it is very much after that is it is just about maintaining the practice.And then, and then it is very much after that is it is just about maintaining the practice.122:12
  1643. Right.Right.122:17
  1644. It is interesting, like to nerd out a little bit on kind of the history of this, because I do think this is interesting, right?It is interesting, like to nerd out a little bit on kind of the history of this, because I do think this is interesting, right?122:19
  1645. It's, it is, we do live in a very unique moment in the fact that this information is so diffuse, universally available, completely free.It's, it is, we do live in a very unique moment in the fact that this information is so diffuse, universally available, completely free.122:26
  1646. Like it, when I was growing up, you had to go pay Tony Robbins $10 ,000 to hear any of this, right?Like it, when I was growing up, you had to go pay Tony Robbins $10 ,000 to hear any of this, right?122:37
  1647. You had to go, you had to join a graduate program at Cornell and like study psychology for three years to hear any of this, right?You had to go, you had to join a graduate program at Cornell and like study psychology for three years to hear any of this, right?122:44
  1648. So there was like massive gatekeepers, not democratized, not democratized at all, extremely like marketed extremely aggressively and like very, very predatory in some circumstances.So there was like massive gatekeepers, not democratized, not democratized at all, extremely like marketed extremely aggressively and like very, very predatory in some circumstances.122:52
  1649. Yeah, with another podcast for another day, but it, the internet is what opened up the opportunity for this kind of diffusion of all this information across the entire population.Yeah, with another podcast for another day, but it, the internet is what opened up the opportunity for this kind of diffusion of all this information across the entire population.123:04
  1650. And I think when I look at kind of my generation, you know, me, James, Ryan, and a bunch of others, like really what we were doing is we wereAnd I think when I look at kind of my generation, you know, me, James, Ryan, and a bunch of others, like really what we were doing is we were123:16
  1651. taking the stuff that used to only be available behind closed doors or in really exclusive seminars or, you know, deep in academic research, and then we were repackaging ittaking the stuff that used to only be available behind closed doors or in really exclusive seminars or, you know, deep in academic research, and then we were repackaging it123:26
  1652. for a wider internet audience.for a wider internet audience.123:37
  1653. And I think through the 2010s, that was a pretty novel and important function that was being played within society is, but now we're at the point where like youAnd I think through the 2010s, that was a pretty novel and important function that was being played within society is, but now we're at the point where like you123:39
  1654. can literally just get on Instagram and see 800 pieces of the same advice any day of the week that you want.can literally just get on Instagram and see 800 pieces of the same advice any day of the week that you want.123:50
  1655. And it's all free and it's all like widely available and it's all repeated to death.And it's all free and it's all like widely available and it's all repeated to death.123:58
  1656. And so it does raise an interesting point of like, I do think that saturation of information for people is probably like you said, it's it's it's been speedrun, speedrun,And so it does raise an interesting point of like, I do think that saturation of information for people is probably like you said, it's it's it's been speedrun, speedrun,124:03
  1657. yes, speedrun, speedrun, speedrun at this point, you know, whereas like 15 years ago, you would have to spend years and years like really digging deep into books and studiesyes, speedrun, speedrun, speedrun at this point, you know, whereas like 15 years ago, you would have to spend years and years like really digging deep into books and studies124:17
  1658. and research.and research.124:28
  1659. Now you can probably get the gist of that within a year or two.Now you can probably get the gist of that within a year or two.124:28
  1660. And so it really does make the implementation aspect of it, I think more important than ever before.And so it really does make the implementation aspect of it, I think more important than ever before.124:32
  1661. But there's not, that's not generalizable, right?But there's not, that's not generalizable, right?124:40
  1662. You know, so like that's that's where the rub is now.You know, so like that's that's where the rub is now.124:45
  1663. So I in many ways I feel it's like a very weird time.So I in many ways I feel it's like a very weird time.124:47
  1664. It is, it is, it's certainly a transition and it's this idea of something that's anti mimetic, not just something that isn't mimetic, not something that won't spread, but somethingIt is, it is, it's certainly a transition and it's this idea of something that's anti mimetic, not just something that isn't mimetic, not something that won't spread, but something124:51
  1665. that is actively pushed back against and not spread or maybe even criticised to the point where it sort of shrinks.that is actively pushed back against and not spread or maybe even criticised to the point where it sort of shrinks.125:00
  1666. And unfortunately, telling people the new information isn't better necessarily, or at least not at the speed that perhaps it used to be, the market slowed down, it might beAnd unfortunately, telling people the new information isn't better necessarily, or at least not at the speed that perhaps it used to be, the market slowed down, it might be125:09
  1667. a way to think about it, doesn't sound very good, because if you've got a problem, you want to believe that there's a solution.a way to think about it, doesn't sound very good, because if you've got a problem, you want to believe that there's a solution.125:19
  1668. But if there's a solution that's already out there, the reason that you haven't fixed your problem is your fault, as opposed to, oh, this new thing that's novel, that'sBut if there's a solution that's already out there, the reason that you haven't fixed your problem is your fault, as opposed to, oh, this new thing that's novel, that's125:26
  1669. what we've got this massive recency bias around it.what we've got this massive recency bias around it.125:34
  1670. And yeah, it is, there's a definitely a transition period going on.And yeah, it is, there's a definitely a transition period going on.125:38
  1671. And that's why I think your solved podcast series is fucking great.And that's why I think your solved podcast series is fucking great.125:41
  1672. That's different because it is so in depth, whether you want to learn about fear or relationships or whatever, it is so in depth that that's not been done before.That's different because it is so in depth, whether you want to learn about fear or relationships or whatever, it is so in depth that that's not been done before.125:46
  1673. Some of the stuff that I've got coming up with different guests sat around the table is it's not being done before.Some of the stuff that I've got coming up with different guests sat around the table is it's not being done before.125:55
  1674. Okay, that's unique and at least novel, genuinely novel and the insights that have come out of it novel.Okay, that's unique and at least novel, genuinely novel and the insights that have come out of it novel.126:01
  1675. But for the most part, if it's, and this is going to get worse with AI, it's going to get significant worse.But for the most part, if it's, and this is going to get worse with AI, it's going to get significant worse.126:06
  1676. However, bad and repetitive and sloppy, you think that your least favorite optimization, obsessed influencer of choice has been, imagine that powered by fucking infinite robot army.However, bad and repetitive and sloppy, you think that your least favorite optimization, obsessed influencer of choice has been, imagine that powered by fucking infinite robot army.126:12
  1677. Yeah, that's coming.Yeah, that's coming.126:28
  1678. Yeah, and not to mention a thousand copycats on TikTok and Instagram, right?Yeah, and not to mention a thousand copycats on TikTok and Instagram, right?126:29
  1679. So it's just like anything that gets any traction is just going to be parroted thousands and thousands of times.So it's just like anything that gets any traction is just going to be parroted thousands and thousands of times.126:34
  1680. It was already derivative, but now it's derivative at scale powered by AI.It was already derivative, but now it's derivative at scale powered by AI.126:40
  1681. So I actually think we're going to re -enter speaking of being bullish and bearish.So I actually think we're going to re -enter speaking of being bullish and bearish.126:45
  1682. I actually think I'm like bullish on authority and credibility over the next 10 years.I actually think I'm like bullish on authority and credibility over the next 10 years.126:54
  1683. I think there's going to be a mass return towards, because I just think there's going to be so much slop out there and especially in this market, like there'sI think there's going to be a mass return towards, because I just think there's going to be so much slop out there and especially in this market, like there's127:00
  1684. just going to be so much crap being espoused by random stick figures and shit on YouTube that people are going to lose patience very quickly and they're going tojust going to be so much crap being espoused by random stick figures and shit on YouTube that people are going to lose patience very quickly and they're going to127:10
  1685. crave, please just show me somebody who actually knows what they're talking about or who's actually done something.crave, please just show me somebody who actually knows what they're talking about or who's actually done something.127:19
  1686. So it's actually kind of ironic because it's, I think the great explosion and the dissemination of this information to people 10, 15 years ago, it was kind of theSo it's actually kind of ironic because it's, I think the great explosion and the dissemination of this information to people 10, 15 years ago, it was kind of the127:27
  1687. destruction of credibility.destruction of credibility.127:41
  1688. It will be its downfall.It will be its downfall.127:43
  1689. Credibility doesn't matter anymore, right?Credibility doesn't matter anymore, right?127:45
  1690. It's like, if you've got a good idea, you can just write a blog post and everybody can read it.It's like, if you've got a good idea, you can just write a blog post and everybody can read it.127:46
  1691. And like that was great back then, but now it's been taken to such an extreme that there's going to be like this incredible demand for authority and credibility.And like that was great back then, but now it's been taken to such an extreme that there's going to be like this incredible demand for authority and credibility.127:50
  1692. I think there's almost certainly going to be a pedestalization of legacy media, mainstream media.I think there's almost certainly going to be a pedestalization of legacy media, mainstream media.127:57
  1693. I think that if you get placed on 60 minutes or the new Dr.I think that if you get placed on 60 minutes or the new Dr.128:04
  1694. Phil or whatever, whatever the next version of that is, because anybody can do YouTube.Phil or whatever, whatever the next version of that is, because anybody can do YouTube.128:10
  1695. What are you agreeing about?What are you agreeing about?128:15
  1696. Dude, I got a crazy story for you.Dude, I got a crazy story for you.128:16
  1697. So yes, I agree.So yes, I agree.128:18
  1698. And like this is already happening.And like this is already happening.128:20
  1699. So you mentioned it earlier.So you mentioned it earlier.128:23
  1700. I started an AI company last year.I started an AI company last year.128:26
  1701. It's an AI personal growth coach.It's an AI personal growth coach.128:29
  1702. It's called Purpose.It's called Purpose.128:30
  1703. Everybody should go check it out.Everybody should go check it out.128:31
  1704. It's cool.It's cool.128:32
  1705. Check it out.Check it out.128:32
  1706. So when we launched in December and we hired a PR agency to go get a bunch of publicity in like conventional media, you know, put the logos on theSo when we launched in December and we hired a PR agency to go get a bunch of publicity in like conventional media, you know, put the logos on the128:34
  1707. website, all that shit.website, all that shit.128:42
  1708. And dude, it was so funny.And dude, it was so funny.128:44
  1709. So the publicists, they go, they get all these like, you know, interviews with big newspapers.So the publicists, they go, they get all these like, you know, interviews with big newspapers.128:47
  1710. I'm not going to call, I'm not going to name check anybody.I'm not going to call, I'm not going to name check anybody.128:53
  1711. Big newspapers, newspapers, everybody would have heard of TV stations, radio stations, like all traditional stuff, very prestigious, you know, we're trying to get the logos.Big newspapers, newspapers, everybody would have heard of TV stations, radio stations, like all traditional stuff, very prestigious, you know, we're trying to get the logos.128:56
  1712. So I go and I do these interviews with like, quote unquote, like prestigious journalists.So I go and I do these interviews with like, quote unquote, like prestigious journalists.129:07
  1713. And we talk about the app for like 10 minutes or whatever.And we talk about the app for like 10 minutes or whatever.129:13
  1714. And you can tell that like, they don't give two shits.And you can tell that like, they don't give two shits.129:16
  1715. Like it's just, you know, they've got some generic article that they're doing about like AI products or whatever.Like it's just, you know, they've got some generic article that they're doing about like AI products or whatever.129:20
  1716. And they're just going to drop a quote from me and mention the product.And they're just going to drop a quote from me and mention the product.129:27
  1717. And so it's very like half -assed 10 minute conversation.And so it's very like half -assed 10 minute conversation.129:32
  1718. And we wrap up very quickly.And we wrap up very quickly.129:38
  1719. And I'm like, okay, well, this was very fast.And I'm like, okay, well, this was very fast.129:41
  1720. And then the journalists would be like, well, wait, while I've got you here.And then the journalists would be like, well, wait, while I've got you here.129:43
  1721. So I'm working on a book right now.So I'm working on a book right now.129:47
  1722. And I was wondering if I could run some ideas by you.And I was wondering if I could run some ideas by you.129:49
  1723. This happens three times, three times, that base.This happens three times, three times, that base.129:54
  1724. So basically what happened was the journalists understanding their position, which is prestige media.So basically what happened was the journalists understanding their position, which is prestige media.129:58
  1725. This guy needs a logo for his website, you know, because it's, I'm the logo, right?This guy needs a logo for his website, you know, because it's, I'm the logo, right?130:04
  1726. I'm the logo.I'm the logo.130:09
  1727. I'm working on a book.I'm working on a book.130:10
  1728. This guy's a huge best -selling author, prestige for expertise.This guy's a huge best -selling author, prestige for expertise.130:12
  1729. Try it.Try it.130:15
  1730. Let's barter.Let's barter.130:16
  1731. Motherfuckers, dude.Motherfuckers, dude.130:18
  1732. So most of those calls was me giving career advice in exchange for a quote in their fucking newspaper.So most of those calls was me giving career advice in exchange for a quote in their fucking newspaper.130:18
  1733. I would have just said to all of them once they've done it.I would have just said to all of them once they've done it.130:28
  1734. It's like, I think your idea is shit.It's like, I think your idea is shit.130:31
  1735. I'm sorry.I'm sorry.130:33
  1736. I think your idea sucks.I think your idea sucks.130:33
  1737. Nobody's going to read this.Nobody's going to read this.130:36
  1738. Give up.Give up.130:37
  1739. I highly recommend that you don't do it.I highly recommend that you don't do it.130:37
  1740. Just leave them all dejected.Just leave them all dejected.130:40
  1741. Oh man.Oh man.130:41
  1742. It was crazy.It was crazy.130:42
  1743. It's a weird world, man.It's a weird world, man.130:44
  1744. Sorry to interrupt your scrolling, but this is a friendly reminder that your time on this earth is extremely limited and everyone you love is going to die one day.Sorry to interrupt your scrolling, but this is a friendly reminder that your time on this earth is extremely limited and everyone you love is going to die one day.130:45
  1745. So maybe you should put the fucking phone away and go and do something meaningful.So maybe you should put the fucking phone away and go and do something meaningful.130:53
  1746. Dude, the deaf salience thing is just, it's magical, isn't it?Dude, the deaf salience thing is just, it's magical, isn't it?131:00
  1747. Isn't it?Isn't it?131:05
  1748. Like, memento mori, like, it's just so magical.Like, memento mori, like, it's just so magical.131:06
  1749. And especially, like, I guess with like, you know, the doom -scrolling kids these days, like it is, it's such an important practice, I think, to just like take thatAnd especially, like, I guess with like, you know, the doom -scrolling kids these days, like it is, it's such an important practice, I think, to just like take that131:08
  1750. moment, not every day, but like periodically of like, is this, if I were to die soon, is this what I would want to be doing?moment, not every day, but like periodically of like, is this, if I were to die soon, is this what I would want to be doing?131:22
  1751. You know, if when I'm 80, am I going to look back and be proud of what I'm doing?You know, if when I'm 80, am I going to look back and be proud of what I'm doing?131:32
  1752. And it's, that's one of those things I'm glad how memetic that is.And it's, that's one of those things I'm glad how memetic that is.131:39
  1753. Correct.Correct.131:44
  1754. It's, because I remember, I remember, so in subtle art, the last chapter is called, And Then You Die.It's, because I remember, I remember, so in subtle art, the last chapter is called, And Then You Die.131:44
  1755. And I remember my publisher was like, you know, this is kind of dark.And I remember my publisher was like, you know, this is kind of dark.131:51
  1756. Are you sure, you know, publisher thing?Are you sure, you know, publisher thing?131:56
  1757. Supposed to finish it on an up note.Supposed to finish it on an up note.131:58
  1758. Yeah, exactly.Yeah, exactly.132:00
  1759. You'd be all inspiring and everything.You'd be all inspiring and everything.132:01
  1760. But I felt really strongly about it, because it's just like the kind of being confronted with death had been like so impactful in my life.But I felt really strongly about it, because it's just like the kind of being confronted with death had been like so impactful in my life.132:05
  1761. And it was a big part of stoic philosophy, Buddhist philosophy, a bunch of different philosophies.And it was a big part of stoic philosophy, Buddhist philosophy, a bunch of different philosophies.132:13
  1762. That's one thing that I never expected to be memetic, but it is incredibly memetic.That's one thing that I never expected to be memetic, but it is incredibly memetic.132:20
  1763. And it is, I'm like thrilled with how much traction that gets and that people do resonate with it and they do find value in it and they do respondAnd it is, I'm like thrilled with how much traction that gets and that people do resonate with it and they do find value in it and they do respond132:24
  1764. to it and engage in it.to it and engage in it.132:32
  1765. So yeah, I just think it's a great practice.So yeah, I just think it's a great practice.132:36
  1766. I'm glad that people stop scrolling and think about it.I'm glad that people stop scrolling and think about it.132:39
  1767. Yeah.Yeah.132:43
  1768. A few questions that I think are useful.A few questions that I think are useful.132:43
  1769. What do you regret from the last year?What do you regret from the last year?132:46
  1770. Like what do you regret that you did too much of and not enough of?Like what do you regret that you did too much of and not enough of?132:49
  1771. Typically, that's the same stuff that you did for the last decade, but you can't remember the last decade.Typically, that's the same stuff that you did for the last decade, but you can't remember the last decade.132:52
  1772. So if you look at the last 12 months of your life, what did you do too much of and what did you do too little of?So if you look at the last 12 months of your life, what did you do too much of and what did you do too little of?132:56
  1773. If you wanted to make 85 year old you as miserable as possible, when they look back on their life, that would be easy.If you wanted to make 85 year old you as miserable as possible, when they look back on their life, that would be easy.133:02
  1774. What would you do?What would you do?133:09
  1775. What would you do more of?What would you do more of?133:10
  1776. What would you do less of?What would you do less of?133:11
  1777. You know, I mean, there's that famous five regrets of the dying, right?You know, I mean, there's that famous five regrets of the dying, right?133:13
  1778. We should have allowed myself to be happy.We should have allowed myself to be happy.133:17
  1779. I wish I kept in touch with my friends more.I wish I kept in touch with my friends more.133:18
  1780. I wish I hadn't worked so much.I wish I hadn't worked so much.133:20
  1781. We are maybe just about to breach the first wave of people who had a good chunk of their life spent on their smartphone and on devices, who were aboutWe are maybe just about to breach the first wave of people who had a good chunk of their life spent on their smartphone and on devices, who were about133:24
  1782. to die.to die.133:36
  1783. It has to be number one.It has to be number one.133:37
  1784. It has to be number one.It has to be number one.133:39
  1785. There's no way that I wish I'd spent less time looking at a screen.There's no way that I wish I'd spent less time looking at a screen.133:42
  1786. It just has to jump to the top of the charts.It just has to jump to the top of the charts.133:45
  1787. As soon as that wave of people begin to die on mass, and it's still probably what?As soon as that wave of people begin to die on mass, and it's still probably what?133:48
  1788. Like smartphone's been around 20, just under 20 years now.Like smartphone's been around 20, just under 20 years now.133:53
  1789. So, he's 65, 70, like it's still not quite there.So, he's 65, 70, like it's still not quite there.133:56
  1790. A couple more decades.A couple more decades.134:03
  1791. Yeah, one more decade and that's going to start, but within two it's just going to be fucking.Yeah, one more decade and that's going to start, but within two it's just going to be fucking.134:04
  1792. I don't know, man.I don't know, man.134:07
  1793. I've seen some good memes.I've seen some good memes.134:08
  1794. That's true.That's true.134:09
  1795. Some really good memes.Some really good memes.134:10
  1796. That is true, but you've never been the subject of them.That is true, but you've never been the subject of them.134:11
  1797. That's why you have the optimal level of fame.That's why you have the optimal level of fame.134:13
  1798. You have the optimal level of fame, which is you can get a seat at a restaurant that's very busy, but for the most part, people aren't going to makeYou have the optimal level of fame, which is you can get a seat at a restaurant that's very busy, but for the most part, people aren't going to make134:15
  1799. a meme about you on the internet.a meme about you on the internet.134:22
  1800. Yeah.Yeah.134:23
  1801. I think that's the way you should go.I think that's the way you should go.134:24
  1802. All right, last one.All right, last one.134:25
  1803. At some point, you realized that the permission you've been waiting for all along was your own.At some point, you realized that the permission you've been waiting for all along was your own.134:25
  1804. Yeah.Yeah.134:31
  1805. I think so often we seek advice when really all we want is somebody to just tell us it's okay.I think so often we seek advice when really all we want is somebody to just tell us it's okay.134:34
  1806. It's okay to want what we want.It's okay to want what we want.134:43
  1807. It's okay to stop doing something, to change our mind, to be wrong about something.It's okay to stop doing something, to change our mind, to be wrong about something.134:44
  1808. I don't get it's interesting.I don't get it's interesting.134:56
  1809. Back in the day, I used to get a lot of emails, like fan emails and stuff, people asking for questions for advice.Back in the day, I used to get a lot of emails, like fan emails and stuff, people asking for questions for advice.134:59
  1810. I still get some, but it is amazing how many emails, messages, questions I get that you can really just boil it down to.I still get some, but it is amazing how many emails, messages, questions I get that you can really just boil it down to.135:05
  1811. This person feels bad about something and just wants to be told it's okay to feel bad about it.This person feels bad about something and just wants to be told it's okay to feel bad about it.135:16
  1812. Or this person wants to do something, but they're afraid and they just need somebody to say, no, no, you should do that.Or this person wants to do something, but they're afraid and they just need somebody to say, no, no, you should do that.135:24
  1813. That's it.That's it.135:32
  1814. That's all they want.That's all they want.135:32
  1815. They don't need a fucking theory or a framework or a full breakdown of their childhood trauma.They don't need a fucking theory or a framework or a full breakdown of their childhood trauma.135:33
  1816. They just need somebody to say, it's okay, you should do that.They just need somebody to say, it's okay, you should do that.135:40
  1817. It seems important to you.It seems important to you.135:43
  1818. Yeah, I think the world is kind of split into two groups of people, people who don't know how to improve their lives and those who are too scared toYeah, I think the world is kind of split into two groups of people, people who don't know how to improve their lives and those who are too scared to135:46
  1819. start.start.135:54
  1820. The first group doesn't care that they're going to do what they do.The first group doesn't care that they're going to do what they do.135:56
  1821. They're not going to overthink it.They're not going to overthink it.136:01
  1822. And then there's another group that's paralyzed by their capacity to think.And then there's another group that's paralyzed by their capacity to think.136:03
  1823. Obviously, there's people that managed to overcome that.Obviously, there's people that managed to overcome that.136:06
  1824. But almost anybody who is thoughtful and making shit happen in the world has had to overcome their thoughtfulness.But almost anybody who is thoughtful and making shit happen in the world has had to overcome their thoughtfulness.136:09
  1825. Their thoughtfulness is the fuel, but it's also the barrier to getting there.Their thoughtfulness is the fuel, but it's also the barrier to getting there.136:17
  1826. Because as we said right at the top, the degree of uncertainty that you have is paralyzing.Because as we said right at the top, the degree of uncertainty that you have is paralyzing.136:20
  1827. It keeps you in place.It keeps you in place.136:26
  1828. So, yeah, someone coming along and going, hey man, it's okay to want that thing or it's okay to not think that that thing's cool.So, yeah, someone coming along and going, hey man, it's okay to want that thing or it's okay to not think that that thing's cool.136:27
  1829. You should try and do that thing.You should try and do that thing.136:38
  1830. You just should and close the loop.You just should and close the loop.136:40
  1831. And that's fine.And that's fine.136:42
  1832. I'd describe myself as having a lifestyle -wide praise kink.I'd describe myself as having a lifestyle -wide praise kink.136:44
  1833. I respond well to encouragement.I respond well to encouragement.136:53
  1834. I respond really fucking well to encouragement.I respond really fucking well to encouragement.136:55
  1835. And again, there's two types of British people.And again, there's two types of British people.136:58
  1836. There's British people who thrive on mutual piss -taking.There's British people who thrive on mutual piss -taking.137:00
  1837. And there's British people that were meant to be American people.And there's British people that were meant to be American people.137:04
  1838. And I'm in the latter camp.And I'm in the latter camp.137:07
  1839. You're a very enthusiastic country, right?You're a very enthusiastic country, right?137:08
  1840. You basically have permanent first line cocaine energy.You basically have permanent first line cocaine energy.137:10
  1841. That's it.That's it.137:16
  1842. I want to make enthusiasm great again.I want to make enthusiasm great again.137:18
  1843. And I want to re -export it back to the UK.And I want to re -export it back to the UK.137:21
  1844. And that was just something for me that was a pathway for me.And that was just something for me that was a pathway for me.137:24
  1845. Hey, I'm happy to do the mutual piss -taking, sat around a table with my boys.Hey, I'm happy to do the mutual piss -taking, sat around a table with my boys.137:28
  1846. But when it comes to really going for stuff, I much prefer to be around people that are like, yeah, you got this, go and fucking crush it as opposedBut when it comes to really going for stuff, I much prefer to be around people that are like, yeah, you got this, go and fucking crush it as opposed137:32
  1847. to gay.to gay.137:39
  1848. The first one works for me.The first one works for me.137:41
  1849. I've got tons of friends that are back home who, they don't care.I've got tons of friends that are back home who, they don't care.137:45
  1850. It just doesn't fact it.It just doesn't fact it.137:47
  1851. Piers Morgan had this conversation with Piers.Piers Morgan had this conversation with Piers.137:48
  1852. He was like, I like the piss -taking.He was like, I like the piss -taking.137:50
  1853. I'm like, Piers, that's because you've got a galactic ego.I'm like, Piers, that's because you've got a galactic ego.137:52
  1854. You need someone to keep your feet on the ground.You need someone to keep your feet on the ground.137:54
  1855. That's fine.That's fine.137:56
  1856. That's good for you.That's good for you.137:57
  1857. Those of us that are a little bit more permanently unsure, for me, it's good.Those of us that are a little bit more permanently unsure, for me, it's good.137:58
  1858. The encouragement thing is good.The encouragement thing is good.138:01
  1859. And that's cringey in the UK.And that's cringey in the UK.138:02
  1860. You export yourself to the US, where that's kind of, that runs much more in the pioneer spirit.You export yourself to the US, where that's kind of, that runs much more in the pioneer spirit.138:04
  1861. And I'm like, huh, it's okay for me to want that.And I'm like, huh, it's okay for me to want that.138:11
  1862. It's okay for me to say that that's something that I like.It's okay for me to say that that's something that I like.138:14
  1863. It's okay for me when I was 27, 28, I'm a club promoter who's going to stop drinking.It's okay for me when I was 27, 28, I'm a club promoter who's going to stop drinking.138:17
  1864. That doesn't sound very revolutionary in the world of athletic, brewing co, NA beers, Nia beer, Heineken 00, bullshit.That doesn't sound very revolutionary in the world of athletic, brewing co, NA beers, Nia beer, Heineken 00, bullshit.138:24
  1865. But I mean, in British culture, as a club promoter in 2000 and fucking 16.But I mean, in British culture, as a club promoter in 2000 and fucking 16.138:35
  1866. Sounds insane.Sounds insane.138:41
  1867. That was me inventing fire.That was me inventing fire.138:41
  1868. And sometimes people can do stuff without anybody telling them that it's okay.And sometimes people can do stuff without anybody telling them that it's okay.138:44
  1869. But a lot of the time, that's what people are looking for.But a lot of the time, that's what people are looking for.138:49
  1870. I'm worried about this thing happening.I'm worried about this thing happening.138:52
  1871. And I'm scared.And I'm scared.138:54
  1872. And someone will go, it's all right, man, you got this.And someone will go, it's all right, man, you got this.138:55
  1873. Well, maybe you don't, but you'll be all right anyway.Well, maybe you don't, but you'll be all right anyway.138:57
  1874. I'm okay, no matter what happens.I'm okay, no matter what happens.139:00
  1875. That too.That too.139:02
  1876. I tend to notice this, I mean, it's, this is pretty proportional to age, right?I tend to notice this, I mean, it's, this is pretty proportional to age, right?139:02
  1877. Like, it's young people, I feel like need this reassurance all the time.Like, it's young people, I feel like need this reassurance all the time.139:07
  1878. I feel like as you get older, you just start realizing you're like, nobody knows what the fuck they're doing.I feel like as you get older, you just start realizing you're like, nobody knows what the fuck they're doing.139:10
  1879. And no one was thinking about you anyway.And no one was thinking about you anyway.139:15
  1880. Yeah, nobody.Yeah, nobody.139:17
  1881. Yeah, exactly.Yeah, exactly.139:17
  1882. Nobody's really gives a shit what you decide.Nobody's really gives a shit what you decide.139:18
  1883. It is, it is interesting.It is, it is interesting.139:23
  1884. You know, the British culture thing, hearing you describe it, it just, it feels to me, as an American, it feels like the epitome of the I'd rather be rightYou know, the British culture thing, hearing you describe it, it just, it feels to me, as an American, it feels like the epitome of the I'd rather be right139:25
  1885. than happy.than happy.139:34
  1886. Or maybe it's like, I'd rather be snarky than happy.Or maybe it's like, I'd rather be snarky than happy.139:36
  1887. Like it's, Well, I'd rather be snarky than cringy.Like it's, Well, I'd rather be snarky than cringy.139:39
  1888. And cringy is being enthusiastic.And cringy is being enthusiastic.139:42
  1889. Yeah.Yeah.139:44
  1890. Because if you plant a flag in the ground and say, this is my position, you create a criteria for success, which also means you create a criteria for failure.Because if you plant a flag in the ground and say, this is my position, you create a criteria for success, which also means you create a criteria for failure.139:44
  1891. And that means that if someone can snipe away at it, they can make you fail.And that means that if someone can snipe away at it, they can make you fail.139:52
  1892. But also that if you succeed, you leave them behind.But also that if you succeed, you leave them behind.139:55
  1893. There's this wonderful difference between American people and British people.There's this wonderful difference between American people and British people.139:58
  1894. American people hope that you succeed in case you take them with you.American people hope that you succeed in case you take them with you.140:03
  1895. British people hope that you fail in case you leave them behind.British people hope that you fail in case you leave them behind.140:06
  1896. And I wish it wasn't true.And I wish it wasn't true.140:09
  1897. And it's not for everyone.And it's not for everyone.140:11
  1898. But many of the people, the UK had the second highest millionaire exits in 2024 behind China.But many of the people, the UK had the second highest millionaire exits in 2024 behind China.140:12
  1899. But China's got 13 times the population or something.But China's got 13 times the population or something.140:19
  1900. It's insane how much bigger it is.It's insane how much bigger it is.140:23
  1901. So per capita, we lost the most millionaires by multiples.So per capita, we lost the most millionaires by multiples.140:25
  1902. Why?Why?140:29
  1903. It's not a very welcoming environment for people that want to do different things, that want to be innovative, that don't want to sort of follow that path.It's not a very welcoming environment for people that want to do different things, that want to be innovative, that don't want to sort of follow that path.140:31
  1904. And it doesn't matter about whether you want to be a fucking millionaire or not.And it doesn't matter about whether you want to be a fucking millionaire or not.140:36
  1905. But if you want to make a change to your lifestyle or the way that you look or the things that you think or the culture that you're embedded inBut if you want to make a change to your lifestyle or the way that you look or the things that you think or the culture that you're embedded in140:40
  1906. or the way that you raise your kids or whatever, it's just not that welcoming.or the way that you raise your kids or whatever, it's just not that welcoming.140:44
  1907. And that's why we have the same number of universities in the top 10 globally.And that's why we have the same number of universities in the top 10 globally.140:49
  1908. But American universities produce five times more entrepreneurs than British universities do.But American universities produce five times more entrepreneurs than British universities do.140:53
  1909. And remember that we have an international fucking cohort.And remember that we have an international fucking cohort.140:59
  1910. So people come, get contorted by the culture and then leave with this veneer, this sort of varnish that's gone on top of them.So people come, get contorted by the culture and then leave with this veneer, this sort of varnish that's gone on top of them.141:02
  1911. But yeah, it's an interesting one, dude.But yeah, it's an interesting one, dude.141:13
  1912. Look, I appreciate the fuck out of you.Look, I appreciate the fuck out of you.141:15
  1913. It's fascinating to watch this whatever we're in, some renaissance.It's fascinating to watch this whatever we're in, some renaissance.141:17
  1914. I don't know whether it's a renaissance or a dark age is that's happening.I don't know whether it's a renaissance or a dark age is that's happening.141:22
  1915. But there's something, there's something sort of twisting and changing in this world, personal growth, personal development.But there's something, there's something sort of twisting and changing in this world, personal growth, personal development.141:27
  1916. And I really fucking appreciate that you're there helping to steward it in whatever way you can.And I really fucking appreciate that you're there helping to steward it in whatever way you can.141:36
  1917. It's really cool.It's really cool.141:40
  1918. Same, man.Same, man.141:41
  1919. Thank you.Thank you.141:42
  1920. Cool.Cool.141:44
  1921. Thank you.Thank you.141:44
  1922. What's where people go?What's where people go?141:45
  1923. Markmanson .net, solve podcast and purpose .app, free seven day trial, check it out.Markmanson .net, solve podcast and purpose .app, free seven day trial, check it out.141:48
  1924. Markmanson in your pocket, but without the touchy -fee -ly thing.Markmanson in your pocket, but without the touchy -fee -ly thing.141:54
  1925. Yeah, so it's an AI that's optimized to challenge you.Yeah, so it's an AI that's optimized to challenge you.141:57
  1926. So it's call you out on your bullshit, spot blind spots, challenge your assumptions.So it's call you out on your bullshit, spot blind spots, challenge your assumptions.142:01
  1927. Basically, all the things like a good coach would do to help you grow instead of just kiss your ass, make you feel good.Basically, all the things like a good coach would do to help you grow instead of just kiss your ass, make you feel good.142:08
  1928. Unreal.Unreal.142:15
  1929. Appreciate you, man.Appreciate you, man.142:15
  1930. Until next time.Until next time.142:16
  1931. Thank you very much for tuning in.Thank you very much for tuning in.142:18
  1932. If you enjoyed that episode, YouTube knows who you are deeply.If you enjoyed that episode, YouTube knows who you are deeply.142:20
  1933. It thinks you're gonna like this one even more.It thinks you're gonna like this one even more.142:24
  1934. Go on.Go on.142:28
  1935. Press it.Press it.142:29

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